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to just not go.

(10 Posts)
GloopyGhoul Thu 17-Dec-15 20:47:43

Firstly, I am being unreasonable, unseasonable, and probably a big baby.

Secondly, I do suffer from anxiety and depression, but have completely lost sight of whether I am making a mountain out of a molehill, or this is something I'm genuinely allowed to be upset about.

Sorry if this is long and/or boring.

Two years ago we had Christmas with in-laws. It was announced then that we would have a "big family Christmas" in 2015. I have spent two years telling my husband I didn't want to - when we married we agreed to do one at each parents' then stay home.

Neither of us drive, so it was partly a practical decision to avoid the nightmare of public transport over the holidays. But also because we wanted to enjoy Christmas in our own home whilst our daughter is small. I was, and am now less, convinced that we agreed on this.

So. We are off to the in laws for Christmas. I tried saying no and was ignored/laughed at. I have tried to get in the mood, but it's not happening. I know I've been a big chicken, and it's too late now. But my God! I just want to refuse to go.

WIBU to hide until new year??

HeartShapedBox Thu 17-Dec-15 20:51:46

Tell them straight, NO!

who laughed in your face, your husband?

CFSsucks Thu 17-Dec-15 20:55:58

Who has ignored you and laughed at you?!

I'm the type of person that if someone tells me I am doing something, I will point blank refuse to do it. No one has the right to tell you what to do.

I get anxiety too and I know how you feel. I would hate this and spend the whole time dreading it and building it up. I already have some dread of my own about Christmas that I have to suck up and get on with. I'm not entirely looking forward to it and I know it will cloud my mood on the day although I will do my best to hide it (which I do not find easy at all).

GloopyGhoul Thu 17-Dec-15 21:04:29

Husband ignores - just utterly refuses to engage in conversation about it. It was FIL who laughed. In a "haha, you're not getting out of it that easily" finger-wag sort of way.

And I can hardly stomp and say "no" with 6 days to go. (Yes, 6. We're going from the 23rd to the 27th).

HeartShapedBox Thu 17-Dec-15 21:28:58

Yes you can.

"I've repeatedly told you all no. If you haven't listened,that's your problem, because I AM NOT GOING. end of discussion"

Who cares if it's rude, they don't give a shit about your feelings, so why care about theirs?

CFSsucks Thu 17-Dec-15 21:32:36

^ what heart said ^

Don't consider their feelings because they don't consider yours. I bet your anxiety will abate in a huge way if you stand up for yourself and say "I'm an adult and I can do as I please" so fuck you. Then refuse to engage in any further discussions about it. If your DH can do that so can you!

TheoriginalLEM Thu 17-Dec-15 21:39:15

see, whilst i agree with the others that your feelings should have been taken into consideration, the boat for putting your foot down has probably sailed and it would make for a pretty miserable Christmas for you if you decided not to go at this late juncture.

So, where can you compromise? go boxing day? leave boxing day? what changes would make it easier?

i suffer anxiety and depression too so i can fully understand your feelings. its just a shame it wasn't already sorted.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 17-Dec-15 21:39:56

do you think the fil thinks heis being kind?

SilverOldie2 Thu 17-Dec-15 21:42:54

You are definitely not unreasonable or unseasonable or a big baby.

It's time for the worm to turn. Tell your DH you will NOT be going to the ILs and NO is a complete sentence whether its 6 days, 6 hours or 6 minutes.

Order Christmas food, on the morning of the 23rd refuse to change out of your pyjamas. Enjoy a lovely day at home. End of problem.

GloopyGhoul Thu 17-Dec-15 22:14:59

It's easy to say, but I think LEM is right that the boat has sailed. I'd not only upset my husband, but my daughter too - whichever way it turned out she'd miss one of us, or get stuck with a miserable dad.

Not sure he's being kind. Just fairly typical of them to make decisions and assume we'll fall in line (because we always have).

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