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Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

(808 Posts)
queenofthepirates Thu 17-Dec-15 20:41:07

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

thelouise Thu 17-Dec-15 20:42:30

YANBU, it's rude to bring your own food unless you have food allergies or other food needs.

BadLad Thu 17-Dec-15 20:43:05

Can she not leave it on the kitchen work-surfaces and cut a few pieces of it onto her plate?

JapaneseSlipper Thu 17-Dec-15 20:43:18

What was her reaction when you said "please don't"?

Agree that she can last a few hours without meat. It's ok not to do exactly the same thing every year. A veggie scandinavian Christmas menu, sounds brilliant.

crabbiearses Thu 17-Dec-15 20:43:50

i don't think its fair to make your mum eat a vegetarian meal if she likes meat at christmas, id let her bring it but now have the bird sitting on the table.

iPaid Thu 17-Dec-15 20:44:56

What is your Scandistyle meal?

TheKitchenWitch Thu 17-Dec-15 20:45:12

Wtf? No, YANBU, she should not under any circumstances bring a chicken to a vegetarian meal. That is just bizarre in every possible way.

hesterton Thu 17-Dec-15 20:45:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VikingLady Thu 17-Dec-15 20:46:01

I'm about as far from veggie as you can get without actually being Giles Coren, and even I think that's rude and unnecessary! Anyone can manage a single meal without meat, even the most dedicated meat eater. Unless she habitually grates pork scratchings onto her weetabix, she can manage!

But it sounds like there is a big back story. Is it actually about the chicken, or is she using this as a weapon?

tobysmum77 Thu 17-Dec-15 20:46:05

I agree it's rude to bring your own food. But I'd also find veggie Christmas dinner a bit odd as I like meat. Not that this would make me offend you by sticking a chicken on the table.

londonrach Thu 17-Dec-15 20:46:21

Can you meet half way? Chicken gets served in kitchen onto her plate only so you dont have it on the table. She can then also enjoy some of your vegetarian meal as well.

eastwest Thu 17-Dec-15 20:47:24

YANBU, I think that's rude (and I'm not veggie at all).

stubbornstains Thu 17-Dec-15 20:47:54

YANBU. This is more about her personal power struggle with you than her absolute need to have Christmas dinner with meat, IMO.

I'm a veggie and don't mind family cooking meat in my house, but everyone has different stuff they can and can't stand, and it's your house, so your rules.

My problem with my parents re: this was them going on and on and on about how they were going to feed 10 month old DS1 turkey at Christmas dinner- basically, trying to create an issue where none existed, because, as evinced above, I am very laid back about everybody else's dietary choices. In the end, they got pissed and forgot grin.( DS is now nearly 6, and, after eating meat out and about for several years, has now made his own decision to become a veggie smile).

Junosmum Thu 17-Dec-15 20:48:34

YANBU. I love meat, but if I was invited to a vegetarian meal, Christmas or otherwise I'd very happily for go meat. I think it is incredibly rude of your mum. I'd tell to either come sans chicken or come after lunch.

VagueIdeas Thu 17-Dec-15 20:49:24

That's very inconsiderate. She can eat the chicken when she gets home.

I'm guessing she's being a bit goady with you, so when you say "Please don't" she'll start a row?

Bodicea Thu 17-Dec-15 20:49:29

You are a veggie but your mother isn't. I get that it's your house but one she is your mother so you should cut her some slackand and two it's Christmas dinner!!! I would feel a bit short changed if my Christmas dinner was veggie.
As has been said if you don't want in the middle of the table fair do's. Just let her cut it in the kitchen and offer to anyone else who isn't a veggie before putting plate back in kitchen.
As a meat eater I would always provide a vegetarian option if I had a vegetarian guest as I am sure you will have come to expect. It's not like you are even expected to cook it.

confusedandemployed Thu 17-Dec-15 20:50:15

I think that's rude too. DH and I are not veggie but DSS is. A few years ago we had nut roast and no meat on Christmas Day because he was there. The nut roast was epic and I was very chuffed with myself for making it.

BikeRunSki Thu 17-Dec-15 20:50:19

I don't eat meat, I get this.
Could your mum not bring some sliced chicken in a Tupperware box and discretely put it on her plate?

IHaveBrilloHair Thu 17-Dec-15 20:50:45

Tell her it's fine but not to bother, you'll get her some, and then carve a veggie roast thing for her and hope she doesn't notice.

mamapants Thu 17-Dec-15 20:50:59

If it was a dinner party and she was suggesting bringing chicken then that would be rude and weird. But as its Xmas I can kind of see her point, I'd find it a bit weird having Xmas dinner without turkey. And I can manage without meat and regularly do while visiting my dad or dinner at my brothers etc. But Christmas is one of those things where you have a fixed idea of things in your head. I think it should be OK for her to have cooked the chicken at home and put some on her plate if it matters to her

VagueIdeas Thu 17-Dec-15 20:51:52

This is more about her personal power struggle with you than her absolute need to have Christmas dinner with meat, IMO.

Bingo. And this is absolutely why you shouldn't compromise and let her hide her chicken in the kitchen. She'd only sneak it out and bang it on the table amongst your food anyway. I guarantee it.

OTiTO Thu 17-Dec-15 20:52:14

I presume it's not a suprise to her that you are vegetarians? smile

It's a bit inconsiderate of her to ask but perhaps she is thick doesn't realize that many people who are vegetarians don't want meat in their houses.

What did you say when she asked?

elastamum Thu 17-Dec-15 20:52:29

Your mum is being incredibly rude. She is a guest in your house, she wouldn't do this as a guest anywhere else I am sure hmm

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Thu 17-Dec-15 20:52:39

I am a total carnivore and a foodie.

No way would I consider it appropriate to bring a chicken. You accept the food offers by your host.

I am often told off for this on 'picky eater ' threads.

My only exception would be if you didn't mind and were veggie only for eg digestive illness reasons.

lastqueenofscotland Thu 17-Dec-15 20:53:05


People eat far too much meat, going ONE MEAL without will not hurt.

Just say she's not bringing it and if she really wants some have a bloody chicken sandwhich before she comes.

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