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AIBU to want my kids to open their presents on Christmas Day?

(107 Posts)
whatwouldaudreydo Thu 17-Dec-15 13:47:33

I LOVE Christmas! I start buying presents very early and very rarely pay full price on anything, so by Christmas I've usually spent about £300-£400 on each of my two DC, including stocking presents from Santa and tree presents from me.
(Not looking for judgment on spending level - each to their own I say, and I don't really buy them anything throughout the year, apart from a bit on birthdays.)

We'll be staying with my DPs for xmas. My brother, his partner and my niece are also coming on xmas day (they alternate between our DP and her DP so get 2 xmas days each year in effect). They have just spent a fair whack on my niece's birthday last week and also bought themselves a big ticket (6 grand) 'luxury' item a few months ago - don't want to out myself so staying vague if that's ok! With this in mind they decided they'd have a more 'frugal' xmas (again no judgements please, frugal means different things to different people) and have spent about £150 on my niece.

My dilemma is, my DB has asked that my DC are not given all their presents on Xmas day so as not to make their DC feel 'bad' she's not getting as much.

My argument is that it's not anything to do with me what they've chosen to spend their money on, it's none of their business how many presents my DC will be getting and I want my DC to open their presents on actual Xmas day in front of me, not Boxing Day, when they'll be with their dad for most the day.

Also, practicality-wise, I wrapped them all ages ago so have no idea what are the more expensive things, or what are the cheaper things in order to make sure that they'd have their 'main' presents on xmas day iyswim!

Apparently I'm now the selfish mean Aunty who'll be ruining xmas!

AIBU to think that I should be able to give my DC their presents at the same time I would on any other Xmas day and not comply with my DB's requirements just because they've cut down this year?

And when did this all get so bloody complicated....?!

Please be gentle with me, it's my first AIBU and I just want some different perspectives from non-family!

DSClarke Thu 17-Dec-15 13:51:45

You are not being unreasonable. But for the sake of our family harmony why don't you say that you won't give your DD all of her presents on Christmas day. However you will be giving her most of them. That way you've compromise a bit but not really.

Bupcake Thu 17-Dec-15 13:51:59

Difficult. Is there any way yours could open their gifts before their cousin arrives? So you would see them open them, and your niece wouldn't?

It does depend on the children's ages as well - very young ones won't notice; older ones will understand.

We were in your niece's position as children; out cousins all got much more than we did at Christmas. I don't remember it ever bothering us; we knew their parents had more money. We'd maybe have been upset if Granny favoured one over another, but from parents we didn't mind.

LauraChant Thu 17-Dec-15 13:53:54

Why can't your DC open the presents before their cousin gets there on Christmas Day?

SisterMoonshine Thu 17-Dec-15 13:54:05

I'm not sure that how they spend their money elsewhere even comes into it.
The crux of the matter is the neice's feelings and I think it might be nice (to her) if you compromised a little).

LauraChant Thu 17-Dec-15 13:54:14

Sorry, cross posted!

TheHouseOnTheLane Thu 17-Dec-15 13:55:03

He's being unreasonable.

OldestStory Thu 17-Dec-15 13:55:08

YANBU. Of course your dcs should get their presents on Christmas Day, totally weird request imo.

And maybe it will be a good time for a lesson often subject of it's not all about how much you get, or how many presents....

lastqueenofscotland Thu 17-Dec-15 13:57:30

I don't think you are being unreasonable unless one of the gifts is something your neice really wants then it's a bit cruel

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 17-Dec-15 13:59:14

I think your kids should open their presents on Christmas Day as planned before your brother started worrying about his dd's feelings.

Carry on.

whatwouldaudreydo Thu 17-Dec-15 14:02:15

Niece is 6, however tbh can be a bit horrid and obnoxious about toys in general - hoards them in piles that no one else is allowed to go near etc and will not share or play with my DC which is probably clouding my judgement a bit! She also gets presents on Boxing Day from other side of her family that my DC won't.

They'll be getting there pretty early, about 10ish I think, so not really enough time for present opening first, plus DC will still be enthralled by their Santa presents (hopefully!) so don't want to take the shine off that. The tradition has always been lunch, then presents.

longdiling Thu 17-Dec-15 14:04:14

If you don't want to invite criticism you could just leave the amount you spent out you know...

YANBU though. I have kind of a similar dilemma as your DB. This year my brother is surprising my nieces and nephews with a trip to Eurodisney as their Christmas present. My folks are going with them. We did price up going but it was out of our price range. I'm very worried my kids are going to be gutted when they realise what they're missing out on. Especially as my nieces and nephews will still get a load of presents from their mother (my brother's ex). This is my problem though and I'd never make it my brother's issue.

Could you do some of the presents in your room before you go downstairs by way of compromise so it's less obvious how much your kids have in comparison?

TracyBarlow Thu 17-Dec-15 14:07:28

"Yes no problem DB I won't give her all her presents"

Keep one present at home for her. How would he know how many presents you've bought her and whether the pile you give her is all of them or not?

Dipankrispaneven Thu 17-Dec-15 14:09:02

YANBU. If they can afford to spend £6K for a luxury item for themselves, they can afford to put another £100 in towards their child's Christmas.

Ipsos Thu 17-Dec-15 14:10:38

Is there an option just to stay in your own home for Christmas? It might be easier.

m0therofdragons Thu 17-Dec-15 14:10:39

We used to open presents from parents early in the morning after stockings but with just my brother and parents in their then all the family got together and presents were exchanged between the rest of us. This, with hindsight meant db and I didn't see my cousin getting his very expensive gifts from his parents and worked well. Could that work for you?

whatwouldaudreydo Thu 17-Dec-15 14:12:50

Longdiling- amounts only came into it because he asked, I'd never usually compare! And that sounds tricky for you, hope your DC aren't too disappointed. My kids are usually the ones missing out on things which is why xmas is a big deal for us, and the one day I really don't want to compromise on tbh.

CallieTorres Thu 17-Dec-15 14:13:16

er, tell them no, its not your issue that they have changed the system,

its up to them to explain to their DC (if they want to) why shes getting less this year,

m0therofdragons Thu 17-Dec-15 14:14:00

Just read your last post. I think you're being stubborn and could work round it by 10am. Or ask db to come at 10.30 am. Re not sharing - I never expect my young dc to share gifts they've only just received. A few days later yes but on the day no. If I got a new handbag I wouldn't lend it to my sibling on the day I've received it.

CFSsucks Thu 17-Dec-15 14:14:30

YANBU. Tell them no, your DCs will be opening their Christmas presents on Christmas day. Would they stop their child opening all her presents if the situation was reversed? I bet not.

She sounds like a spoilt madam enabled and indulged by her parents.

StarkyTheDirewolf Thu 17-Dec-15 14:14:47

We also used to do presents at the crack of dawn early morning. And then family arrived later on to have dinner. Perhaps do some of your presents in the morning and then bring out the rest when niece arrives? But no, yanbu.

Notimefortossers Thu 17-Dec-15 14:16:00

If your niece is going to get presents on Boxing Day as well and your kids aren't I think that's pretty easy to explain to a 6 year old. If she complains that they have more than she has then your DB can simply say it's because she's getting more presents tomorrow and they're not.

I'd just say to your DB very nicely that you're really sorry, but you'd like your kids to have their presents on xmas day because they're not going to be with you much on boxing day and offer him the above explanation to give to his daughter

whatwouldaudreydo Thu 17-Dec-15 14:16:22

Ipsos - no, I'm on my own and we love staying at my DPs - wouldn't be xmas without it! Also, I think I'd go crazy holed up with DC on xmas day with no adult to talk to supervise kids whilst I get slowly pissed on mulled wine

KinkyAfro Thu 17-Dec-15 14:17:00

HIBU, why should your kids miss out on opening their presents because your brother would rather spend money on himself? Not your problem OP

RB68 Thu 17-Dec-15 14:17:54

He needs to learn to manage his own daughters expectations and not expect you to sort out his issues. At 6 how on earth does she know the cost of everything?? I would be saying on the day - well of course DN you will have even more tomorrow won't you blah blah blah and a birthday last week too blah blah blah

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