hello everyone,
long time watcher here, 1st time poster...have been watching a while (penis beaker etc)
I am with an amazing man, we have been together 3 years. He has 3 children from is 1st marriage a girl aged 12, a boy aged 7 and another little girl aged 6. unfortunately their mother passed away when the youngest was only 8 months old due to a long illness which she had before having her 2 youngest children. The kids are wonderful polite children who I have fallen head over heels in love with and honestly treat them as my own...well I try to except we have a problem with his eldest child. She refuses to have me in her life in any way. I was introduced to them after I had been with their Dad 8 months so have known them for just over 2 and half years.
The youngest 2 do not remember there mother at all, obviously the eldest does. The children have all had counselling to help them talk about their feelings but like I have said the youngest 2 don't remember her only the oldest.
My partner is honestly a wonderful person and is a full on Dad even though he runs a manic company he makes sure he works from home a lot so that he is with his children as much as possible takes them to clubs at the weekend and after school etc Sorry if I am going on just wanted to make it clear his a very full on Dad and cares a great deal for his kids...to be honest it makes me love him even more seeing how well his coped throughout the last few years.
Anyway back to the eldest daughter, she just doesn't except me at all. Will spend most of the time I am at their house in her room hates it if we all go out for dinner together or a day out she will refuse to talk to me the whole day and will try and make the younger 2 not talk to me either, which confuses them as we do have a close relationship. Most of the time if we do have a family gathering planned she will ask her Dad to ask her grandparents if they can have her so she cant go. Sometimes her Dad will so no other times he will give in so that she doesn't ruin it for the younger 2.
I have looked after them on my own many times and have tried so hard to bond with her, but she is just rude to me as soon as her dad is not in the house. I have even spent time with her on her own which she literally hated and caused havoc the whole time. I have sat down and talked about how I am honestly not trying to be her mum and that I respect she has a mum I just want to care for her. She refuses anything I buy or what to do for her. Its heart-breaking as I see this young girl growing up without a mother and isn't coping all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and say it will be ok.
We talk about the children's mother all the time, over dinner etc there are photos up of her everywhere they draw pictures of her etc so its not like its a subject we don't discuss. Its the children's mother at the end of the day and she would be so proud of what wonderful children they are.
Sorry I am getting to my point now just wanted to show how life was for us; My partner has asked me to move in with him he mentioned it about a year ago and I said no but his asking again. I don't stay over at his house as it was upsetting his eldest too much so only stay over when they are at the grandparents house which is maybe 1 weekend a month if that. I see them every day nearly and only every other weekend - I said I felt it best he had a couple of weekends a month without me around just so he could spend time with the children.
I don't see how we could move in together with the eldest being how she is? I think it will make her worse and would not be a good atmosphere for everyone involved.
I would love to move in more then anything in the world and I know the youngest 2 would love it as they are always asking me why cant I live with them which results in the eldest having a meltdown.
I honestly don't know anymore what the solution is, I love this family so much and am prepared to wait as long as it takes even another 3 years or more if needs be. I think my partner is worried also that I will leave as I have always said I would like a child, but that was at the beginning when we were chatting about future plans. I am 35 years old and yes my clock is ticking loudly but I honestly don't mind never having my own child I have 3 amazing children in my life already so feel blessed.
So aibu to say we should wait until things are better with the eldest before I even consider moving in?
sorry for such a ramble.
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AIBU?
aibu not wanting to move in yet?
10 replies
ilovedjerrymore · 17/12/2015 12:14
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