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AIBU?

Is this shit or am I precious?!

106 replies

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 09:29

DD 14 has secret Santa in her tutor group (there are only 10 in each group). DD went out at the weekend and picked a nice gift for her secret Santa. Anyhow they did it yesterday and they all handed out their gifts. DD didn't get handed one the tutor then said (in an apparently bitchy voice according to DD) "oh oops I forgot to put your name in the hat". So she sat and watched everyone else open theirs then cried in the toilets on the phone to me for ages.

I know this could have been a genuine mistake but DD is convinced this teacher hates her already and I'm slightly heartbroken for her. I know if it had been me I'd have felt a bit miffed as well.

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sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 17/12/2015 09:31

No its disgusting

multivac · 17/12/2015 09:31

Why did one of the ten kids not say 'I didn't get a name'?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 17/12/2015 09:31

Your poor DD i'd be furious and speak to the head tbh

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 17/12/2015 09:32

The teacher is a bully. Can't remember ten names? I call bullshit.

Hope you're not paying for this school?

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 17/12/2015 09:32

That's pretty rotten. If I had done that, I'd have been mortified and bought a gift myself for her today.

Allbymyselfagain · 17/12/2015 09:32

Absolutely not precious at all.how could that even happen? 10 children and 9 names means someone else wouldn't have got one and that would have been obvious straight away.

MoMoTy · 17/12/2015 09:33

that's really horrible and a mean thing to do to a child. 10 is a small amount to double check everything is in order. You should let the tutor know this was not ok to do.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/12/2015 09:33

The event itself is upsetting, nobody wants to be forgotten.

I'd be more worried about her mental state though, if I'm honest. In the nicest way, it's unlikely that her teacher bitchily forgot her. It'd such an obvious move, and the teacher risks other parents mentioning it too. Combined with you saying that DD is already convinced that this teacher hates her, I'd be concerned. Being objective, is there evidence for this?

Does she generally seem okay at the moment? 14 can be a tough age mentally.

mrsb26 · 17/12/2015 09:33

Surely if she had been forgotten then only 9 people would have picked names out? What in trying to say is that the one person who didn't obviously didn't raise the fact that they didn't have a name at the time.

I'd be a bit miffed too. I understand it's upsetting got your daughter, but she'll get over it. I wouldn't raise it with the school. Perhaps you could just treat her with a little something as a way of cheering her up.

justtheonethen · 17/12/2015 09:33

It's a bit crap of the teacher but I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. If she did that would be hugely unprofessional, as teachers we most certainly can't show we dislike a pupil or purposely exclude them.

I would be interested to see what teacher does today, if it was me I would have been mortified and gone and bought her a present to open today.

Your poor dd, horrible to feel excluded. Can you take her for a treat after school to make up for it?

Scarletforya · 17/12/2015 09:33

That's bullying!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/12/2015 09:34

It is shit. Your poor DD :(
If it was a genuine mistake then surely someone else must have not got a name to buy for and it should have come to light then. If the tutor comes in today with a gift for DD and apologises then maybe, but otherwise it's nasty.

Mrscog · 17/12/2015 09:34

Wtf? That's awful! Although secret Santa in a school setting sounds like a recipe for disaster anyway.

Hygge · 17/12/2015 09:34

That is really bad, a horrible way for the teacher to behave.

Jackie0 · 17/12/2015 09:34

That's really shit and I don't believe it could have happened accidentally .

BarbaraofSeville · 17/12/2015 09:35

That's awful . If it was a genuine mistake, the teacher should be mortified and put things right - as PP says, surely one of the other students hasn't bought a present yet?

Or if your DD was deliberately left out of some reason, the teacher needs to come up with an explanation.

justtheonethen · 17/12/2015 09:40

It really is unlikely the teacher did it on purpose. I don't see what they would gain from it, and as pp said, it's a bit obvious. Surely someone didn't get a name. Why didn't they say? Maybe they forgot to buy one and teacher was covering for then?

I expect she will bring her a gift today, if she doesn't then I would probably just shrug it off and treat dd myself. I wouldn't mention it unless you happen to see her teacher and can mention it casually.

I too would be worried about dd, it is unlikely a teacher is speaking in a bitchy way or showing she dislikes your dd. Is something else going on? Of course teacher could be a total cow and I'm wrong!

LumpySpaceCow · 17/12/2015 09:42

I just don't understand why the child who didn't get a name wouldn't say anything? Unless someone's name was put in twice?
It is really shit though and YANBU.

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 09:43

I'm not paying for this school thankfully! She is very paranoid and sees camhs for anxiety and has HF ASD. I did wonder if maybe the child who was getting hers forgot or didn't have the money and the teacher possibly made excuses to not embarrass them. DD is convinced it was done on purpose and no amount of reassurance is changing that. Im secretly seething but telling DD it's obviously a mistake.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 17/12/2015 09:46

If it was a mistake I would have expected the teacher to apologise there and then and sort something out to put it right. It seems extraodinary that the child who didn't buy a gift didn't say anything though. And that can't be down to the teacher.

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2015 09:47

Why didn't the other girls speak up? How come it wasn't noticed when the names were pulled out of the hat- one person wouldn't have got a name to buy for, surely?

I would ring the school now!

TheJiminyConjecture · 17/12/2015 09:48

I don't understand how this could have happened?

If only 9 names in hat then 1 child did not get a name.

If 10 names but not DD then 1 person getting 2 gifts.

So either only 9 people handed in presents or 10 people did but they weren't distributed fairly?

Why the Jeff the teacher didn't have a spare present just in case I'll never know!

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Potterwolfie · 17/12/2015 09:52

There's no point in running a Secret Santa if the teacher can't keep a check on the right number of gifts being handed in for the right number of names in the hat.

I doubt the teacher did it deliberately but she does have a duty to make sure all kids taking part are treated equally; that's just good classroom management, surely? She should make amends and ensure your DD receives a gift. The idea is to make the kids feel good, not feel terrible.

I'm sure it's resolvable without escalating to the head, but only if the teacher acts swiftly and with genuine kindness.

HooseRice · 17/12/2015 09:53

No good

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/12/2015 09:56

I'm guessing that 10 names were pulled out of the hat, but 1 child couldn't buy a present, for whatever reason. That leaves someone without one.

The teacher should have had back-up presents incase this happened but maybe she didn't think it through, and then had to make up a reason to tell DD.

Secret Santa is a terrible idea anyway. Someone could spend 50p and someone could spend £15, and the likelihood of someone buying something "humorous" that gets taken offensively is high.

We did presents at school but the teacher refused to be involved at all. That's probably a better way to be.

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