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Is this shit or am I precious?!

(107 Posts)
Grace1467 Thu 17-Dec-15 09:29:28

DD 14 has secret Santa in her tutor group (there are only 10 in each group). DD went out at the weekend and picked a nice gift for her secret Santa. Anyhow they did it yesterday and they all handed out their gifts. DD didn't get handed one the tutor then said (in an apparently bitchy voice according to DD) "oh oops I forgot to put your name in the hat". So she sat and watched everyone else open theirs then cried in the toilets on the phone to me for ages.

I know this could have been a genuine mistake but DD is convinced this teacher hates her already and I'm slightly heartbroken for her. I know if it had been me I'd have felt a bit miffed as well.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Thu 17-Dec-15 09:31:05

No its disgusting

multivac Thu 17-Dec-15 09:31:52

Why did one of the ten kids not say 'I didn't get a name'?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Thu 17-Dec-15 09:31:57

Your poor DD i'd be furious and speak to the head tbh

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Thu 17-Dec-15 09:32:15

The teacher is a bully. Can't remember ten names? I call bullshit.

Hope you're not paying for this school?

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Thu 17-Dec-15 09:32:37

That's pretty rotten. If I had done that, I'd have been mortified and bought a gift myself for her today.

Allbymyselfagain Thu 17-Dec-15 09:32:51

Absolutely not precious at all.how could that even happen? 10 children and 9 names means someone else wouldn't have got one and that would have been obvious straight away.

MoMoTy Thu 17-Dec-15 09:33:17

shock that's really horrible and a mean thing to do to a child. 10 is a small amount to double check everything is in order. You should let the tutor know this was not ok to do.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 17-Dec-15 09:33:20

The event itself is upsetting, nobody wants to be forgotten.

I'd be more worried about her mental state though, if I'm honest. In the nicest way, it's unlikely that her teacher bitchily forgot her. It'd such an obvious move, and the teacher risks other parents mentioning it too. Combined with you saying that DD is already convinced that this teacher hates her, I'd be concerned. Being objective, is there evidence for this?

Does she generally seem okay at the moment? 14 can be a tough age mentally.

mrsb26 Thu 17-Dec-15 09:33:26

Surely if she had been forgotten then only 9 people would have picked names out? What in trying to say is that the one person who didn't obviously didn't raise the fact that they didn't have a name at the time.

I'd be a bit miffed too. I understand it's upsetting got your daughter, but she'll get over it. I wouldn't raise it with the school. Perhaps you could just treat her with a little something as a way of cheering her up.

justtheonethen Thu 17-Dec-15 09:33:37

It's a bit crap of the teacher but I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. If she did that would be hugely unprofessional, as teachers we most certainly can't show we dislike a pupil or purposely exclude them.

I would be interested to see what teacher does today, if it was me I would have been mortified and gone and bought her a present to open today.

Your poor dd, horrible to feel excluded. Can you take her for a treat after school to make up for it?

Scarletforya Thu 17-Dec-15 09:33:43

That's bullying! angryshock

GiddyOnZackHunt Thu 17-Dec-15 09:34:14

It is shit. Your poor DD sad
If it was a genuine mistake then surely someone else must have not got a name to buy for and it should have come to light then. If the tutor comes in today with a gift for DD and apologises then maybe, but otherwise it's nasty.

Mrscog Thu 17-Dec-15 09:34:27

Wtf? That's awful! Although secret Santa in a school setting sounds like a recipe for disaster anyway.

Hygge Thu 17-Dec-15 09:34:31

That is really bad, a horrible way for the teacher to behave.

Jackie0 Thu 17-Dec-15 09:34:57

That's really shit and I don't believe it could have happened accidentally .

BarbaraofSeville Thu 17-Dec-15 09:35:01

That's awful sad. If it was a genuine mistake, the teacher should be mortified and put things right - as PP says, surely one of the other students hasn't bought a present yet?

Or if your DD was deliberately left out of some reason, the teacher needs to come up with an explanation.

justtheonethen Thu 17-Dec-15 09:40:11

It really is unlikely the teacher did it on purpose. I don't see what they would gain from it, and as pp said, it's a bit obvious. Surely someone didn't get a name. Why didn't they say? Maybe they forgot to buy one and teacher was covering for then?

I expect she will bring her a gift today, if she doesn't then I would probably just shrug it off and treat dd myself. I wouldn't mention it unless you happen to see her teacher and can mention it casually.

I too would be worried about dd, it is unlikely a teacher is speaking in a bitchy way or showing she dislikes your dd. Is something else going on? Of course teacher could be a total cow and I'm wrong!

LumpySpaceCow Thu 17-Dec-15 09:42:35

I just don't understand why the child who didn't get a name wouldn't say anything? Unless someone's name was put in twice?
It is really shit though and YANBU.

Grace1467 Thu 17-Dec-15 09:43:36

I'm not paying for this school thankfully! She is very paranoid and sees camhs for anxiety and has HF ASD. I did wonder if maybe the child who was getting hers forgot or didn't have the money and the teacher possibly made excuses to not embarrass them. DD is convinced it was done on purpose and no amount of reassurance is changing that. Im secretly seething but telling DD it's obviously a mistake.

BarbarianMum Thu 17-Dec-15 09:46:20

If it was a mistake I would have expected the teacher to apologise there and then and sort something out to put it right. It seems extraodinary that the child who didn't buy a gift didn't say anything though. And that can't be down to the teacher.

BertrandRussell Thu 17-Dec-15 09:47:32

Why didn't the other girls speak up? How come it wasn't noticed when the names were pulled out of the hat- one person wouldn't have got a name to buy for, surely?

I would ring the school now!

TheJiminyConjecture Thu 17-Dec-15 09:48:01

I don't understand how this could have happened?

If only 9 names in hat then 1 child did not get a name.

If 10 names but not DD then 1 person getting 2 gifts.

So either only 9 people handed in presents or 10 people did but they weren't distributed fairly?

Why the Jeff the teacher didn't have a spare present just in case I'll never know!

Potterwolfie Thu 17-Dec-15 09:52:38

There's no point in running a Secret Santa if the teacher can't keep a check on the right number of gifts being handed in for the right number of names in the hat.

I doubt the teacher did it deliberately but she does have a duty to make sure all kids taking part are treated equally; that's just good classroom management, surely? She should make amends and ensure your DD receives a gift. The idea is to make the kids feel good, not feel terrible.

I'm sure it's resolvable without escalating to the head, but only if the teacher acts swiftly and with genuine kindness.

HooseRice Thu 17-Dec-15 09:53:59

No good

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