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To watch twinkly pale types loafing about in the woods?

(45 Posts)
TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 20:49:24

I'm watching Twilight - New Moon

AIBU?

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 20:51:41

Shit the bed - them thar's big wolves shock

Stay indoors, Bellend. Listen to your father.

usual Wed 16-Dec-15 20:59:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiverTam Wed 16-Dec-15 21:03:27

The first and last films are actually very good, the first especially. But New Moon and Eclipse are pretty dire. But you enjoy away!

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:16:35

I don't know what on earth is going on.

Nudey chaps in shorts keep turning into feck-off big wolefs. When they turn back into boys, their shorts are still there. What happens to the khaki cotton canvas during the transformation process?

Bellend fancies the youngest shirtless one who looks like an alpaca. But she can't give in to her lust over his quads and delts and his eight-pack (he has more than the standard six) because she really loves the sparkly one who looks half asleep. He's hanging around somewhere in the ether telling her to do stuff.

Now she has jumped off a cliff and wolf-boy has rescued her. I think she's going to cave in and do a bit of 'dogging'.

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:25:44

Please, keep on giving us live commentary, that's just beautiful!

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:32:05

Ofa - I'll try but I missed a bit when I went downstairs for a tortilla wrap.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. Lots of people in red cloaks. It might be Hogwarts, but a bit more Catholic.

BONGGG. Ooh look! It's the twinkly chap. He's taken off his shirt - unwise move as he looks as if he needs another hour or so at gas mark 4. Bell end is trying to stop him from doing something

bearleftmonkeyright Wed 16-Dec-15 21:35:13

Haven't seen you for ages T&T. I think Bell End needs to do her homework and think about University, And stop hanging about with pasty chaps.

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:35:36

Now I want to know more about both what he wants to do, and about the tortilla wrap. Tell us more!

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:36:24

Snogging appears to be against the law and they are trying to arrest Bellend.

Now there's a blond girl with what looks like a nasty bout of conjunctivitis.

Adverts. I need volumised hair with Filloxane. Bolloxane, more like.

RiverTam Wed 16-Dec-15 21:38:02

Were you Auntie Tantrums in a previous life, Talc? You have a very familiar posting style!

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:42:24

Hello bearleft! I have been a very bad MNer lately. Too busy.

The tortilla wrap was just the wrap bit - not very exciting at all.

Ed wood and Bellend are now appearing in front of an entire bunch of pink eyed extras from Rivendell. Is that Elrond?

bearleftmonkeyright Wed 16-Dec-15 21:44:46

Thats Michael Sheen. Elrond is Hugo Weaving.

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:45:31

No Tam - I have only ever been me. smile

Why are they beating up Ed?

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:47:32

Elrond is in Alice Spring, cannot be him.

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:47:34

Elrond is in Alice Spring, cannot be him.

Ubik1 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:47:46

I couldn't even finish the first film it was so shite. I was even drunk when watching it and have a high tolerance for this sort of tripe - but no.

Everyone in it is just so fuckkng annoying.

IamtheZombie Wed 16-Dec-15 21:48:55

<< Waves at Talc >>

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:49:30

What happened to those tourists? They were all screaming. confused

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:51:31

Zombie! Bloody marvellous to see you! flowers

As a Zombie, where do you stand on the whole vampire/werewolf rivalry?

OfaFrenchmind2 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:56:10

Well, T&T is taking one for the team and reviewing the movie so we do not have to watch it.

TalcAndTurnips Wed 16-Dec-15 21:57:42

There's a fight brewing in the clearing. Wolfy muscle boy is squaring up to Ed because Bellend wants to vampire up. She's resisting wolfy's steroid charms, no matter how much he flexes his queltoids.

FIGGGHHHHT!

Ah no. Just a scuffle.

bearleftmonkeyright Wed 16-Dec-15 21:59:48

Bellends mad, it would be wolfie for me every time. He is literally as fit as a butchers dog. But I have to go to bed now, night night.

Badgerwife Wed 16-Dec-15 22:00:58

bloody hell, even your inspired commentary can't rescue this series from being the biggest pile of tripe ever produced.

To think that I enjoyed the books for a whole minute before coming to my senses and seeing them for the creepy creep fest they were, the shame.

IamtheZombie Wed 16-Dec-15 22:01:18

As a Zombie, where do you stand on the whole vampire/werewolf rivalry?

Zombie thinks both are merely Wannabe Zombies. grin

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