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AIBU?

To be so so fed of dealing with bloody poo problems!!!

39 replies

Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 20:12

DD has had problems with soiling for the past 4 years.im so fed up.i came to the conclusion that is a behavioural issue rather ten physical.we have been to the pediatrician,done the movicol etc,no success,actually made things worst.DD is not impacted,just bloody lazy and prefers to hold it in and keep playing/watching to etc rather then go to toilet.tried to enforce a routine,works as long as she does it,but she ll start fighting me about it after a few days and I find it difficult to enforce(especially in the morning as things are rushed and she's always been difficult to wake up in the mornings).cherry on the bloody cake the last couple of years ,she ll slightly soil,and rather then think"that's my clue,off I go to the loo",she ll just stay there and scratch /wipes.with a tissue if she happens to have one,more often stray pieces of clothes or her own hands!! Only good point is lately I got her to then stop wiping hands on bed/wall/whatever is next to her.no SN and she s nearly 8.I could cry,can't see an end on this.Gp is useless

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Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 20:15

I'm considering punishing her when that happens but it will probably just drive her to hide rather then fix the problem

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Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:17

Have you been referred to a continence clinic/nurse by your gp? Have you spoken to the school nurse? There is also bowel and bladder clinic.
Are you using pull ups/pads?

Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 20:21

Have been referred to a pediatrician ,he works at the hospital as a consultant.hes convinced nothing is wrong physical ,but gave her a course of movicol anyway.i stopped it after a year or two as was actually making things worst.big improvement as soon as I stopped but slowly creeped up again.no need for pads etc as a)isn't not in the night and b)is not a big amount,more like a skid iykwim

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Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:26

I see. What about a strict reward scheme? I think the soiling probably is psychological but it might be easier to get the wiping it on clothes etc under control

Parietal · 15/12/2015 20:34

get a book called 'constipation, withholding & your child'. it will help.

Parietal · 15/12/2015 20:34

and yanbu to be fed up. it is very hard.

Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 20:37

I feel guilty but I find myself getting very angry.the loo is two feet away!why is it so difficult to stop what she s doing for a couple of minutes!she s not constipated,so no pain or anything,just lazyness

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Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 20:37

I'll have a look at the book ,thanks

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Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 21:08

Does anyone else have any similar experience?im at a loss at what to do!

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Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 21:34

Bump?

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redexpat · 15/12/2015 21:37

Sympathy. DS is 4 and still has quite a lot of accidents, particularly if he is watcjing telly. In the new year im going to do a xhart. For every day he comes home from nursery in the same pants, he gets a sticker. If he gets 4 stickers in a week then he can pick a car to buy at the supermarket. Would something kike that motivate your dd?

DangermouseandPenfold · 15/12/2015 21:50

DS (7) has a looooooong history.

For the last few weeks we've had a reward chart - he gets a sticker for sitting on the loo am and pm, and for eating his 5-a-day. If he gets a complete week of stickers he earns £1.

I only tried it as we'd had a particularly bad few weeks, and it's worked. No soiling, much less stress, and he says he doesn't get tummyache any more. Wish i'd tried it years ago.

We did also take a long look at the NHS webpage on diet for IBS and we've changed things to match their recommendations for IBS with constipation, mainly regarding increasing soluble fibre and limiting processed foods. He doesn't have IBS but it seemed to make sense anyway.

Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 22:07

Thanks.i will try with routine of sitting on the loo after breakfast and dinner,even tho I don't see how it could help?surely you go when you need to go?reward charts generally work for a short while only with her.diet is good I think,all food from scratch,plenty of fruit and vegs.she has a sweet tooth,so yes to buio units and homemade cakes etc,but no sweets /processed food.not sure if we can solve this or she needs some kind of counselling

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FattyFishwife · 15/12/2015 22:49

oh sweethear, you havre my full sympathies. I have had 2 like this...it is so hard and VERY frustrating to deal with, so I know just how you are feeling....and just what you have gone through with trying a myriad of punishments/rewards/ignoring/pleading ad nauseum.

It drove me mad trying to deal with it and find a bloody good reason, and in the end i put it down to my son being a lazy git too.....untill when he was about 7/8 he was diagnosed with dyspraxia....at the time i only knew it as 'clumsy child syndrome' but dyspraxia is far more than that....and one of the symptoms of it is an ineffective colon....the muscle tone is to high/too low, leading to soiling accidents as they dont realise that their bum is squeezing for a poo till its too late, then the behavioural bit of the dyspraxia takes over and they dont act appropriately to get themselves sorted.

could be worth googling this to see if you thinK that this rings any bells, another term to google is non retentive encopresis (soiling without constipation as a cause)

with mine using the term 'this is not acceptable' and also making them help with their own washing of underwear/whatever they wiped their bum on, helped them to understand how unpleasant it is to have to deal with the aftermath of it.

also correct posture when sitting on the loo for poos helped.

i wish this video had been around back then, as it explains it in a funny way, which helps your child understand how changing the position of the way they sit on the loo can help

DangermouseandPenfold · 15/12/2015 22:59

I can't remember where I read it (might have been the ERIC website?) but with DS we clicked that we'd never got him into the habit of just sitting on potty/ loo regularly, and I also picked up from somewhere that it's more likely he'd need to go after a meal. He takes a book sometimes.... We only ask him to sit for 5 mins, which he can manage.

I also read something else about accidentally rewarding the behaviour with attention, and the need to reward something positive instead. So we're rewarding things which are within his control (sitting/ diet) and not asking him to do something he might not be able to (soiling).

DangermouseandPenfold · 15/12/2015 23:01

Oh, and feet up on a footstool is suprisingly helpful!

cece · 15/12/2015 23:07

DS2 soils. We are 3 and half years in. Never toilet trained for poo really.

We have best success with regular sitting on the loo. He gets rewarded for sitting on the loo twice a day with a reward chart. We do not reward the production or not of a poo. He gets extra awards if he suggests going to sit on it himself. He earns minutes on the x-box at the weekend - that is what he cares about.

Other tips - use a small chair for him to rest his legs on so he doesn't get sore legs. He has a tablet to play on whilst he is sat there. Practice blowing bubbles whilst sat on the loo - this makes you 'bear down'.

MumCodes · 15/12/2015 23:15

DS1 still just 4.5 so probably not telling you anything you don't know, but we mentioned frequent (daily) soiling to educational psychologist. She said it wasn't her area (apparently there is a toilet person she works with?!) but suggested just sending him to sit on the loo for 10 mins around the same time each day. Maybe with a book or toy he enjoys. (We have a toy tablet he loves.)

So far we've not has an accident for just over a week. Totally jinxed it now.

MumCodes · 15/12/2015 23:17

Oh, I read that about the bubbles too, not tried it yet. I also heard blowing a balloon had the same effect, though that could have been on here too.

Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 23:21

So u don't think it's too late to give her a routine?so 10 min after breakfast and dinner to sit on the loo for 5 min?does that sound right?is it possible to train the bowels to poo at the same time?

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Poopypooy · 15/12/2015 23:21

That and willy have to buy a stool for the toilet to see if it helps

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DangermouseandPenfold · 15/12/2015 23:26

It's working for us, definitely. DS doesn't go every time, or even every day, but he knows he's giving his body the chance to go if it needs to, is how we approach it with him.

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MumCodes · 15/12/2015 23:53

I think going at the same time each day isn't unusual, but I think at the start the routine is just to get them into the habit of going in the toilet, until the prospect of not going in the toilet feels wrong.

Good luck!

Poopypooy · 16/12/2015 12:50

dont think she gets how wrong it is,to clarify my main problem is with her getting hands/things dirty rather then the actual soiling as that could have a physical reason.anyway sent her to bed early just to find out this morning that she sneaked the bloody tablet upstairs so was playing rather then feeling guilty/sorry.

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Poopypooy · 16/12/2015 12:53

On the bright side started today with new routine,glass of water before breakfast and 10 min in the loo after breakfast and dinner.hope that will work.and no to/screens for not going to clean hands straight away.does that sound about right?

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