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To decline this invitation for Christmas lunch

(63 Posts)
cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 17:35:36

A school mum has invited me to join them and I know she means well but it's in that really pushy 'won't take no for an answer way!'

I don't want to go! Can't afford presents for her or her children and can't really afford a bottle of wine. Plus I hate turkey. And it's just the embarrassment of it all!

How do you decline? I know I shouldn't have opened my mouth but I have and I need to wriggle out of it now.

hesterton Tue 15-Dec-15 17:37:20

You just say, 'Absolutely not. Very very kind of you but actually I am really looking forward to hunkering down to chocs and films. But your offer is really kind and means a lot to me.'

winterswan Tue 15-Dec-15 17:38:06

I agree with hesterton

ShatnersBassoon Tue 15-Dec-15 17:39:20

Hesterton has it.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 17:43:54

And just keep repeating, right? smile thanks! You know how people get when they are lovely but pushy ...?

hesterton Tue 15-Dec-15 18:05:21

Sometimes even the kindest people are convinced they know what's best for you!

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Tue 15-Dec-15 18:05:29

Sorry, I would love to come, but I have to take a neighbour/relative/random stranger for a very important hospital appointment.

I hope you have a lovely time anyway.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 18:11:34

Unfortunately I don't think the important appointment would wash on Christmas Day!

KurriKurri Tue 15-Dec-15 18:22:27

'How kind, but I've already made plans, do enjoy your day though<change topic of convo>'

Iflyaway Tue 15-Dec-15 18:39:45

No, don't lie about mythical appointments or anything like that. That just digs you in deeper ("Oh, anything I can do?" etc.).

Go with hesterton's advice.

I am on my own for the first time in my life and actually really looking forward to it, those chocs and films and don't have to do fuck all in the kitchen

SeaCabbage Tue 15-Dec-15 18:42:44

That's the joy of text and email. You can avoid face-to-face. Say no thanks and maybe Hesterton's line. don't lie.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 18:44:00

It's a school mum, so I see her most days blush

Saukko Tue 15-Dec-15 18:45:54

Can't you just go down the obvious route and say you're having Christmas lunch with your own family?

Or "I've already got plans"?

Unless you already told her you had no plans/were alone. In which case, go with Hesterton's.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 18:47:33

Yes this is the problem! It's my own fault for moaning saying I wasn't looking forward to it!

hesterton Tue 15-Dec-15 18:51:37

Say the same as suggested above but add 'Now I'm used to the idea, weirdly I am really looking forward etc etc ...'

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 18:53:49

Good thinking!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 15-Dec-15 18:56:11

If you've said you weren't looking forward to it, I wouldn't backtrack and say that you are. It looks insincere. Just thank her but say you've arranged to have it on your own and wish her a lovely day.

potoftea Tue 15-Dec-15 19:01:28

Tell her that while you aren't looking forward to being alone, being with another family would actually make you feel worse rather than better.
I'm presuming you either haven't family to be with, or won't be able to be with them on the day for some reason, and I know I'd find it harder to be with another family, however welcoming, whilst missing my own.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 19:02:57

That is how I feel as well potoftea!

I will borrow hesterton's post!

toffeeboffin Tue 15-Dec-15 19:03:37

Just say you have something else.

Bear in mind she may just be being polite by asking you.

toffeeboffin Tue 15-Dec-15 19:04:24

Yup, actually just text Hesterton's lie.

cantaffordsmokedsalmon Tue 15-Dec-15 19:04:56

Probably but she's being very insistent and it's embarrassing as I'm helplessly squeaking 'no no, honestly ...' and she's booming that she won't HEAR of me being alone!

shinynewusername Tue 15-Dec-15 19:07:09

She is probably being pushy because she knows that most Brits would be reticent to accept this invitation for fear of intruding, even if they really wanted to come. So she thinks that you are saying no because you are being polite.

hesterton Tue 15-Dec-15 19:07:24

hmm

'Lie' is a bit harsh.

wafflerinchief Tue 15-Dec-15 19:07:49

Is it really embarrassing though? If I invited someone I would certainly not care if they turned up withoit wine or presents - I've been to a friend's house for Christmas before and it was lovely. Firmness is the only way to decline though: 'I'm sorry you caught me in a bad mood, we love having Christmas on our own but thanks for the kind invitation'.

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