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To wish I had extended family...

(25 Posts)
ssd Tue 15-Dec-15 16:39:11

especially at this time of year

dh and the ds's are great and I love them, but wish I had more family sad

my heart is sore.

CMOTDibbler Tue 15-Dec-15 16:42:01

Hugs xxx I have them but don't see them apart from my mum and dad. Mum doesn't know who I am, and dad is too wrapped up in her and his own problems to care about me.

magpie17 Tue 15-Dec-15 16:46:24

I don't have any family of my own in my life (NC with the few I have). I don't find Christmas hard but it was very tough when my son was born so I know how you feel. I think you have to just count your blessings and do everything you can to enjoy the friends and family you do have.

It's worth remembering too that those 'perfect' families you see posting on Facebook are often not as perfect as they seem, a lot of people put on a show or a brave face at this time of year even though behind closed doors they have their own unhappiness.

chipsandpeas Tue 15-Dec-15 18:23:58

you can have mine they are all arseholes and i havent spoken to them in a few years

just cos some people have bigger families doesnt mean everyone gets on etc

ssd Tue 15-Dec-15 19:59:10

thanks for the dose of reality, I know thats true ^^

biggles50 Wed 16-Dec-15 17:56:30

I know how you feel and particularly at this time of year. It can really suck when you hear of other people travelling here and there to visit family. Or telling you they have a house full of people. All our older relatives have died. My siblings never wanted the big family thing so it's always been my husband me and kids. All I can say is make xmas as special and as loving as you can. Your family will have treasured memories of xmas as mine do.

VaticanAssassin Wed 16-Dec-15 18:37:13

I hear you x

My whole extended family is three people, and DH has none at all sad

I used to be massively envious of friends and their massive families, but then it clicked- for 51 weeks I hear them moaning listing their faults and why they can't stand them- then come Christmas Day, the photos appear online of their beautiful smiling harmony grin

Remember that the bigger the family, the more opportunity for conflict- and never believe what you see in snapshots of people's perfect family life on Facebook

x

justgoandgetalife Wed 16-Dec-15 18:41:06

My M&D live 450 miles away and are getting too infirm to travel to us. We can't go to them as my Dad wouldn't cope with the stress.

I miss them dreadfully, esp as one DS lives with them and the other within 10 mins walk of them. It is always awful at Xmas a I really would love to share family Xmas with them, but we haven't for years. sad

mumblechum1 Wed 16-Dec-15 18:44:26

I hear you too. Just me, ds and dh for Christmas as usual sad. We could do the 500 mile trip to my lot or the 800 mile trip to his but dh gets v little time off and just wants to veg at home.

None of our extended family can be bothered to do the trip either .

heavenlypink Wed 16-Dec-15 18:51:05

Bigger is definitely not better!

OH is one of 10 .... No contact with most of his family as they are a bunch of selfish, arrogant idiots who like to make out they are so loving and caring yet when it comes down to it they all just look after number 1

WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww Wed 16-Dec-15 19:08:26

I have 7 siblings, two sets of parents (remarriage), and 2 step siblings so with siblings own families around 32 people in total, but I am NC with all of them (their choice) as they have chosen to stand loyal to my nasty, abusive bitch of a mother who has disowned me and my father and his wife are just not interested, so I have never even met step siblings.

DH also has 6 siblings, all with partners and DC so another 24 people in his family but they don't celebrate Christmas (not from this country) and the ones who live in the UK are rarely bothered enough to call DH, let alone drive the hour from London to visit.

So with an extended family of 56 people, it will be just DH and I with our 4 DC for Christmas which pains me so much as I would love to have a house full. We used to travel for hours to visit them laden with presents, it took a long while to realise that it was never reciprocated and never would be.

Unfortunately DH and I both come from dysfunctional families (it's not us, it's them, honestly!), we will just have to wait for the DC to get partners and hope they want to spend Christmas with us when we're old!

0christmastree5 Wed 16-Dec-15 19:33:35

Snap heavenly, I have a big extended family, but I've nothing in common with them, luckily.

velvetspoon Wed 16-Dec-15 19:46:03

YADNBU.

My parents died in my early 20s, I'm an only child, grandparents died when I was still at primary school. I have some relatives on my mum's side but other than weddings and funerals never seen them.

So most of the time it's just me and my DSs. And more recently my bf.

What I'm saddest about is that no one remembers ny childhood except me. Not one person knows what I was like as a child, or can tell me if my DSs are like me.

I work with people who have parents, siblings, grandparents still even though my colleagues are in their 30s. It actually really upsets me. I find it really difficult seeing grandparents with DGC as it just reminds me what my DC never had.

Family you don't like, or don't live near...it's not the same sorry. That can change. You might move. Relationships could improve. Yes looking on the bright side you can think 'well at least I'm spared all the drama of having extended family' but being on your own is still pretty shit all the same.

VaticanAssassin Wed 16-Dec-15 21:40:00

What I'm saddest about is that no one remembers my childhood except me

Velvetspoon I want to give you a big Un-Mumsnetty hug flowers

ExBallerina Wed 16-Dec-15 21:50:32

sad

I know the feeling. And velvet, I am so sorry to hear flowers

Most of my biological family has become very divided and often estranged over the years due to various life things. It hurt me for a long time.

This year, it's dawned on me that I am not actually alone. We have lots of friends we're having for Christmas, neighbours, and family we don't often see but get together for the holidays.

It's not traditional, really, but we like it. All people we want to see and celebrate with.

Would any of that be an option?

velvetspoon Wed 16-Dec-15 23:09:42

Ah, thank you Vatican and Ballerina.

Most of the time I manage ok. Christmas as a child was usually just me and my parents, so it's not like this time of year I miss big family Xmases...it's more little things like being with my bf, his DC and extended family, and seeing all they have (even though half the time they don't get on, and aren't that close) and comparing it to me and my DC.

Everyone thinks/assumes you have family, especially when you're in your 30s/.40s.

Geraniumred Wed 16-Dec-15 23:24:21

Wouldn't it be good to be able to share relatives out a bit? I see too much of in- laws over Chistmas and would love a few days with just me DH and dd.

Geraniumred Wed 16-Dec-15 23:27:06

Velvet - why don't you write about your childhood or talk about it to your DCs so it doesn't get forgotten?

BackforGood Wed 16-Dec-15 23:47:58

So neither you nor dh have any parents, or siblings, or aunts or uncles, or cousins ??

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 16-Dec-15 23:54:02

Why is that a question back? People whose parents were only children aren't going to have extended family. My aunts are dead. They weren't close to us and of my 3 cousins who all lived miles away, only one is in independent contact. He has no dc. We have hardly anyone and live a long way from the few we do have.

DawnOfTheDoggers Wed 16-Dec-15 23:55:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Thu 17-Dec-15 00:09:49

Not sure what you mean by 'why is that a question'
I just find it unusual that neither adult in the relationship has any relations. Clearly not an impossibility, but surely that's quite unusual?
I'm quite willing to be told that it's common, but I can't think of anybody that I'm aware of that genuinely has no relations (and I know a lot of people), so I therefore thought it must be quite unusual. That's all smile

HicDraconis Thu 17-Dec-15 02:51:16

YANBU - I have lots of relations, but they are all living half a world away. I realise it was my choice to move here, but I miss them all so much.

Christmas when I was little was about grandparents staying, aunts and uncles and cousins all coming round for dinner, family all getting together and eating too much then games of charades which got progressively dafter. Now it's me, DH, the boys and the dogs - we'll still have a lovely laid back relaxed family day together but I will miss my family all day.

I'd move back if I could. The boys and DH love it here and I love them more.

ssd Thu 17-Dec-15 09:40:49

my mum never had family, growing up I didn't notice, but there's always been no one on her side. dad had family, one emigrated before I was born, one moved miles away and one died long before I was born. I have much older siblings that live hundreds of miles away and don't contact me. I've gave up on them. The line above from a poster saying " We used to travel for hours to visit them laden with presents, it took a long while to realise that it was never reciprocated and never would be." describes it perfectly.

I don't have anyone to share my childhood memories with either. Now my parents are dead I've got endless questions about their lives I'll never find the answer to. I've asked siblings carious things but had no reply, a promise sure, but nothing else. I scour old websites and facebook pages trying to get a glimpse into my old life but nothing fits. I have one elderly second cousin abroad who remembers some things but has alzheimer's now.

Duffster75 Tue 11-Apr-17 23:13:52

I have a huge extended family, all of whom have tonnes of kids, and all of which think I am deficient because I can't have kids, count your blessings.

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