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kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

(542 Posts)
nativity15 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:51:07

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OldFarticus Tue 15-Dec-15 07:55:04

So you (and other parents) ignored the request not to bring under 5's, brought your young DC and were surprised when you got asked to leave? Sorry but I think YABU - the school probably did not want howling babies distracting the kids and ruining for the parents who are capable of following simple instructions.

The school should have been honest about this though - not just invented some nonsense about seating. So YANBU in that sense.

Izzabellasasperella Tue 15-Dec-15 07:55:31

Most schools have a second performance for younger siblings to watch, was there only one at your school?

nativity15 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:56:43

Common sense told me if they are not taking up seating it's not a problem as it was said on the letter this is the reason they can't come.

Maybe I don't have much common sense then.

nativity15 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:57:28

Two plays. No under 5s due to limited seating at both plays.

HackerFucker22 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:57:29

Maybe last year the young kids were very disruptive?

All I can say is that at least everyone with young kids was asked to leave (so no one was singled out as such?)

It's shitty and inconvenient BUT it was made clear and the opportunity was given for people to make other arrangements easier said than done, my DP took the morning off to have our baby so I could go and see dc1

I am not a fan of parents blatantly disregarding school rules - it sets a terrible example - but this was a bit harsh. I'm hopeful most people would take a baby / young child out if they began to disturb a performance?

Whatsinaname2011 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:57:39

The school was clear about no under 5s which I can understand. People want to hear the play and the Chances are some of the little ones will start crying

You only missed out because you ignored the clearly stated rules and didn't get a baby sitter so had to leave the hall last minute.

ScrambledEggAndToast Tue 15-Dec-15 07:59:39

It's pretty annoying when babies are screaming during a performance so the school must have wanted to minimise that. I know it's unfortunate but rules are rules. YABU.

Arfarfanarf Tue 15-Dec-15 07:59:53

under 5s make a lot of noise. And parents don't always act with consideration. They only care about seeing their child and they don't much care that their crying baby/yelling toddler might mean other parents don't get to see their child.

If all parents acted reasonably and took out a crying child, then perhaps it wouldn't come to this.

And just because you don't recall it being that disruptive - doesn't mean it wasnt'. Doesn't mean others didn't complain. There's clearly a reason why they've brought in this new rule and I doubt it's seating. As you say, young children can sit on knees. They were possibly trying to be diplomatic. grin

To be fair to them, you did know in advance that children under 5 couldn't attend, you just didn't like the reason. They didn't spring it on you at the door. You knew it and you chose to ignore it because you decided that it didn't count if the child was not going to take up a seat. I understand that logic but that was on you. You could have asked for clarification. If they didn't let you stay, well, you knew they'd said no under 5s.

I think it's unreasonable to say no under 5s, personally, because there are parents with absolutely no childcare and it's so unfair to them to not get to see their own children. But the way to sort that I think is to have 2 performances. One where young children are allowed and one where they aren't. Perhaps you should suggest that to the head. Point out the flaw in the 'limited seating' rule and talk to them about ways round this.

I am sorry you were embarrassed. It must have felt rotten. thanks

ArmchairTraveller Tue 15-Dec-15 08:00:09

Our school used to run a creche, as well as a noisy performance in the afternoon for preschooler and babies, but sometimes it was also necessary to ask a parent to take a noise-making child out of a performance. We had a couple of governors who were happy to take that task on board.
Most parents can be altruistic and self-regulate, but there are always a few that don't and upset a lot of others by insisting on staying whilst the disruption rises.
Perhaps the head had had enough?

OldFarticus Tue 15-Dec-15 08:00:35

Yes the school should have been honest about the real reason (if it was H&S or seating or noise). But it's totally unacceptable just to ignore the rules - that would have been very unfair on all the parents who organised themselves so that they could go without expecting an exception to be made for their special snowflake.

And you or DH could still have stayed to watch DD while the other took the baby home. Sorry but unless it's a special performance which permits babies then there is a good reason to exclude them.

poocatcherchampion Tue 15-Dec-15 08:01:15

Completely off topic but why on earth would you take a baby in a car seat and put the car seat on your lap?? Isn't it easier to just bring a baby?

The trend for carrying carseats around is bonkers!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 15-Dec-15 08:01:30

I'm with the school on this one. Babies are as annoying as fuck in kids plays and things. DS is very shy but had a small 2 sentence speaking part in a production at the end of the summer term. I missed it because of a crying baby near me. Sure that has coloured my view drastically, but I fucking hate that mother for not taking the baby out as soon as it started. She took it out after DS's bit. Bitch.

ArmchairTraveller Tue 15-Dec-15 08:01:49

Why did you ignore the new rule, along with other parents?

Sighing Tue 15-Dec-15 08:02:24

Baby small enough to be under the separate from mother age, not an age suitable for alternative childcare? They've made a ballsy decision.
Personally I'd have raised it before the play. I'd be sorely pissed off if my children were in that school if the school were foing absolutely all they could to exclude a chunk of families(ours do run a creche for children of 3+ for performances, they use pta/ afterschool / staff with the right training who volunteer).

teawamutu Tue 15-Dec-15 08:02:43

YANBU to think it's unfair not to have either a baby friendly performance or a creche, or that health and safety is a stupid excuse.

But YABU to ignore the letter, turn up with a baby and then complain about being asked to leave.

The dcs' school has a creche for performances, but you still can't hear a damn thing sometimes for small kids and babies yelling while their parents watch the older one and ignore the noise.

NellysKnickers Tue 15-Dec-15 08:02:54

Younger siblings are a royal pita in Christmas performances. They clearly stated no under 5s so why on earth did you think the rule didn't apply to you? Good for the headteacher.

Catsize Tue 15-Dec-15 08:02:57

Yanbu in one way - the common sense, reasonable way. However, taking in a car seat was a bit bonkers - that probably WAS a fire/H&S risk.

On the other hand, given the rule, I think I would have clarified in advance that it didn't apply to babes in arms.

I am very befuddled by the various rules prohibiting younger siblings from attending nativity plays. Seems very unfair for various reasons.

TwoSmellyDogs Tue 15-Dec-15 08:03:04

You only missed out because you ignored the clearly stated rules and didn't get a baby sitter so had to leave the hall last minute

This. That's all there is to it. I'm not sure why you think the rules wouldn't have applied to you. Also small babies absolutely can ruin the experience for everyone once they start crying.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 15-Dec-15 08:04:51

I think it's mean but it's not that unusual. Our school has a similar no younger siblings rule but you can take them to dress rehearsal instead.

Iwanttobeadog Tue 15-Dec-15 08:05:22

Wouldn't a baby tale up far less room without it's car seat?

I just don't get all this dangling of heavy, cumbersome seats at arms length.

PurpleDaisies Tue 15-Dec-15 08:06:35

You can't just decide to ignore the rules because you don't like them. If you want it changed, get some other parents on board and lobby the school for next year.

In the situation you have described above you were unreasonable. Why didn't either you or your husband stay to watch the nativity? Only one of you needed to leave with the baby.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 15-Dec-15 08:07:19

DH and I usually go to different performances so the other can look after other child. But only works if there is more than one showing.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 15-Dec-15 08:07:19

YABU.

You knew in advance but chose to ignore the letter.

Shakey15000 Tue 15-Dec-15 08:07:20

Yes, you were unreasonable. The request was clear, you and others chose to ignore it.

I assume either you or DH managed to watch the play?

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