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Am I a inferior person to dh?

(154 Posts)
onlyif Mon 14-Dec-15 13:28:18

Its that time of year again when the Christmas cards arrive an my irritation begins to bubble.
I write an send the Christmas cards to friends an family, dh does none at all.

I always write on them from onlyif and dh, as please correct me if I'm wrong here, I thought female is written first, and Im writing them.
All the cards we receive from friends an family say dear dh other family members an onlyif last then to add to the insult always finish with female first then their dh. I feel like a none person. I know this is small and petty on world scale dramas but is it me being unreasonable here?

FuckyNell Mon 14-Dec-15 13:36:44

I always sign from fucky and dh, but I always address to man first. Didn't realise till now I did that

Oysterbabe Mon 14-Dec-15 13:38:33

Yabu. I've never given the order a second thought and it probably varies from card to card.

SoWhite Mon 14-Dec-15 13:39:01

I do my friends and family as SoWhite + DH.

DH does his f+f as DH + SoWhite.

I address to the person I know better in the couple. Fuck Debretts!

SumThucker Mon 14-Dec-15 13:39:07

Never thought about it before, but I write the names alphabetically, which ever one comes first.

twinkletoedelephant Mon 14-Dec-15 13:39:09

I write the person I know or like the most first. Always sign cards from twinkle and dh ALLWAYS I write them I get first billing

RiverTam Mon 14-Dec-15 13:39:31

If a card is to/from one of my friends/family then my name is first, if it's DH's (and he does his cards to his friends and family) then it's his name. DC are last. So 'to/from River, Mr River and MiniRiver'.

Humptythenumpty Mon 14-Dec-15 13:41:43

I write them in the order that sounds best. So for example Jonny and Emily not Emily and Jonny. But I would write Isobel and Jonny as flows better.

YouMakeMyDreams Mon 14-Dec-15 13:42:36

Who I write to varies from card to card it depends which sounds better when I say them. From if it is my friends and family it's me first dh's family it's him first.

CocktailQueen Mon 14-Dec-15 13:42:52

I always sign them CQ, dh, dc, dc and I address them in the order I say my friends' names - some couples' names just roll off the tongue one way: Freg and Ginger, not Ginger and Fred.

So it depends.

Don't think I've ever noticed where my name comes in cards!! <goes off to look>

ImperialBlether Mon 14-Dec-15 13:43:27

It must take you a hell of a long time to write your cards, Humpty!

TheHouseOnTheLane Mon 14-Dec-15 13:44:54

Meh. It's 2015....there's no rule I care about enough to stick to.

I write with whoever I'm closest to first. I'e just made out one to "Tom and Joanne" because Tom's my friend really...and another to "Anna and Mike" because Anna's my mate.

MyrtleFox Mon 14-Dec-15 13:45:18

I do it to who I know best. EG, male cousin called John it would be to John and Jane, but to my friend and her husband, to Sarah and Peter.

onlyif Mon 14-Dec-15 13:45:46

Think dh can do his own family next year. hmm not sure how I'm going to tell him though.

MyrtleFox Mon 14-Dec-15 13:45:56

I haven't written any yet brew

VestalVirgin Mon 14-Dec-15 13:46:22

It's one of those subtle sexism things most people don't even notice.

I would only sign my own name, as I would refuse, out of principle, to do husband's social networking for him. (I would let him sign my cards if he let me sign his, but as your dh writes none ...)

Probably the cards you receive are written by women, whose internalized misogyny makes them put your husband first, but as they are the ones actually writing the card, they put themselves first in the signature.

If it is any comfort, I don't think they consider themselves superior to you.

I thought "ladies first" was the polite thing to do, too. Because of the tradition of chivalry and pretending that patriarchy doesn't hate women.

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo Mon 14-Dec-15 13:47:48

I write all of the cards, but the ones to DP's family I sign his name first since I don't really know them. I address them usually to the person i know best first, but for DP's family just in the order they are written on the spreadsheet of family his mum sent hmm
The one i really dont like is things addressed to Mr and Mrs (Husbands first initial) Surname. I refuse to do that.
Alos no matter who often I spell my name the way i choose to, I get cards back with the more common spelling of my name!!

WMittens Mon 14-Dec-15 13:49:32

The way I was taught (20 something years ago) when addressing a letter was e.g. Mr & Mrs Smith.

Personally, I don't care; I don't interpret the order as any form of hierarchy of importance.

onlyif Mon 14-Dec-15 13:51:37

Never even thought about if it sounds betterconfused think I'm going to consider not doing any next year, and put the money in a charity box.

AllChangeLife Mon 14-Dec-15 13:52:07

Oh flibber you have hit the nail on the head...

I HATE being called Mrs husands name. I really hate it... I took his surname not his whole identity!! Grrrrr

CMOTDibbler Mon 14-Dec-15 13:52:27

I always address things to person I know best/am directly related to - dh does his own family.

Drives me nuts that we get cards addressed to Mr+Mrs his initial Hisname - I have never been known by hisname and do not use Mrs as an honorative. Ds is myname-hisname. I don't object to people writing cmot + cmotbloke, or The Family myname-hisname, but refuse to open ones addressed to someone who doesn't exist.

MrsJayy Mon 14-Dec-15 13:53:16

I write from me him if its to my family friends then from him me to whoever is his friend then wife/ partner but tbh he usually does his own

MatildaTheCat Mon 14-Dec-15 13:53:51

OP, have I understood correctly that your friends put all the family names with you last ? If so, that's very odd indeed.

I try to put the female first but in some cases such as dh's colleagues ( I know, I know) I put the man first just because we don't know the woman really. When signing I do the same; me first unless it's a contact or close relative of his.

I always have and no doubt always will buy, write and send the cards. I do insist on opening all ours, though. fsmile

CastaDiva Mon 14-Dec-15 13:53:59

The question here is less about naming order and gender than about why it seems to be the norm that women do the emotional gruntwork of sending all Christmas/birthday cards on behalf of their husbands? Are they unable to write, and look up addresses, or simply too busy and important to write 'To Auntie Nuala, Happy Christmas from Z and Y xxx' thirty times?

CastaDiva Mon 14-Dec-15 13:54:28

Not that Auntie Nuala gets thirty cards, you know what I mean.

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