Battle of wills with a 13 month old and shoes!!(26 Posts)
DD is 13 months and walking and loves it. She screams blue murder in her pushchair and car seat because she wants to be walking but.... She refuses point blank to wear a pair of shoes. We have taken her to be fitted 3 times, the first time she smacked the woman over the head with the measuring tool, the second and third she curls her toes making it impossible to get any on.
Any ideas on how to get them on because i cant take much kore screaming in her pushchair because she wants to be walking.
You used to be able to get measures for use at home which allow you to measure and go to the shop with that. Why is it she is reacting like that do you think? Could you get something to put on her feet to get used to it e.g. soft baby walking type things that are less reliant on being fitted to width etc. Even slippers.
Other than that pick your time and the fitters will be used to it - think of some distractions you could take that she doesn't normally get - choccie buttons used to work wonders for me
No suggestions other than take shoes with you and if she wants to walk she needs to put the shoes on. If you can't buy shoes because she won't try them on get wellies or something that is an approximate fit.
What sort of shoes are you trying? She only needs something soft, pre walker type, that she can move her feet in easily and won't affect her feet developing. My DS hated his shoes at first but we kept trying them on at home until he got used to them.
When we got first shoes for dd, (she was about 10 months) she also curled her toes, but the shop assistants tickled the soles of her feet before putting on and whilst the shoe was on (squeezing finger down the side of the shoe) and she uncurled them!
She always tried to pull them off/chew them but 4 months on she is fine with them.
We had similar with my DD. We had some soft cheap unmeasured supermarket shoes which I let her play with and she got used to having them in for a bit at home. We then got her measured and a properly fitted pair which she now loves. I also did lots of talking about putting on my shoes and she liked playing with mine and her dad's shoes.
She seems to have a manor aversion to anything on her feet, putting tights on which she cant take off causes a major melt down and she will not keep socks on for love nor money. We have tried some soft shoes but she takes them off and launches them. We have tried pre walkers too. Think we made a mistake waiting until they were essential before getting her some.
Shes not verbal enough to understand reasoning of needing to wear her shoes to be able to get out of her chair.
Get some soft barts waterproof snowboots
It's not a mistake waiting, her toes curling when trying shoes on are mainly as they haven't had time yet to straighten out walking. Your supposed to wait until they can walk confidently for 6 weeks before any shoes. So she would have needed to be walking confidently since 11 months
She will understand shoes on=walk, shoes off=buggy. Do it without fail. She screams, shoes on and walk, first shoe off, buggy, take the screams.
Her ability to vocalise language and her ability to understand language are not directly correlated.
She can certainly understand you.
We had the same situation with our kids and we got away with just socks in public spaces like stores (but we live in an easygoing area) and we let them go barefoot elsewhere. Our kids eventually figured out that certain surfaces were not really walkable without shoes, but even in their teens, enjoy being barefoot when they can.
I guess we chose what we saw as the path of least resistance, because we were not convinced that little kids should be compelled to wear shoes.
It's difficult, though, if circumstances are such that they must.
Also could you try pointing out all the other children wearing their shoes?
'Oh look at that boy he's walking and got shoes on, nice shoes!'
'Just putting my shoes on before I go out on the dirty pavement'
'Aren't those shoes nice that girl is wearing?'
All that stuff
We used these which don't feel like shoes, are good outdoors (properly waterproof) and are impossible for a toddler to remove (the toggles take a bit of finger strength and there are two):
Mine used hers for two winters as she preferred them to wellies for ages.
I used moccis with DC3 but by the time the winter weather set in, he was great about wearing shoes. And moccis just wouldn't work this time of year. Also, you have to be mindful where they're walking because moccis don't have the sturdiest of soles.
I used to use swimshoes with DC1! For some reason he would only accept these on this feet, nothing else!
Neither suggestion is a brilliant solution but I understand your desperation.
Kids... it's always something! I hope you find a solution. It's so draining sometimes. Hugs.
get a tape measure on her feet when she is sleeping, take it to the shop and buy some wellies.
wellies come off then straight back in the pushchair as pp has said.
point out all the other dc with their lovely shoes.
she will soon learn that shoes off means no walking, ds4 was a shoe refuser and also has asd but understood at that age that no shoes on equalled no walking.
you just have to stick to it, at some point she will realise that it's in her interest to wear shoes and hopefully will be happy to have her feet measured
I went through all of this (and still do occasionally) with the Toddlernator. Except in his case he had/has delayed understanding.
He wore tights throughout the winter (this is his 3rd winter, 1st one mobile) but in his case I made sure the tights were deliberately too big for him. Anything that constricts his feet in any kind of way is just asking for a screamathon. Yes, he did look silly with the things flapping off his feet, but no, I didnt give a damn.
I also brought him a few pairs of sneekers for when he was out and about
Even now the shoes frequently come off when he is in the buggy. No shoes, no walking seems to get through to him though. However he rarely wears shoes indoors, regardless of the venue. Its completely normasl to find him in his socks at playgroups
and then I have to play hunt the fecking shoes
No amount of explaing to him, comparing him to other people, telling him what would happen if he didnt wear shoes...... would have worked. He just didnt get what I was going on about.
And as for the actual shoe buying thing, draw around her feet at a time she is compliant onto a piece of thick card.
Take the card with you to the shoe shops, find a style that fits
and then buy it in the next few sizes up cos its the only one 'acceptable'
Go to a nice (clean, glass-free) gravel carpark.
Make a big fuss of changing into your outdoor shoes.
Ask her to put hers on.
When she refuses, just take her out without a fuss.
Gently stand her on the cold, spiky gravel (but keep her supported under her arms!)
She should soon realise what shoes are for!
Please, keep her supported, as she will probably try and lift both feet off the horrible floor.
This is a little life-lesson. Shoes keep feet warm and safe, not a punishment!
that wouldn't have worked with ds3, he must have feet made of stone!
Its interesting reading this suggestions in this thread as our DS (16m) is now walking and we are looking at buying him shoes. We find it a struggle keeping anything on his feet bar tights, which he only doesnt get off because he cant. I tried standing him in his wellies and he just wouldnt even stand and bucked and flung himself around til I took them off.
yet the little monster will happily wander around them on them on hands!!
I have not had experience of this. My 3 love shoes - I can't think where they get it from - there are lots of great ideas up thread but I wonder if she will put up with wet and cold ground or be asking for her shoes.
Just say no. No screaming allowed. Say it calmly and tell her you're going back home if she keeps it up. And go.
My dcs never screamed after I got down on the floor in tesco beside them and screamed with them. They were so shocked and they then knew they couldn't manipulate me with noise.
Screaming isn't anything to be afraid of- she's using your fear of creating a scene to manipulate you to do what she wants.
You need to learn how to negotiate with her. Teach her sign language? We found that vey helpful before they were pre verbal.
Keep her hydrated
and show her pictures of outdoor items.
Coat, hat, shoes, gloves.
Then a picture of outside.
Then pictures of inside, with no hat no coat no shoes no gloves.
Comment on how everyone wears shoes outside.
Also I think she's too young to wear shoes, so get her something to distract her when she's in the buggy, like a little cardboard book attached to the buggy.
Remember be calm and be compassionate, and show her shoes on everyone. Point them out.
Go to a shoe shop to see other children getting shoes fitted. Let her watch. Don't get her fitted until she's at least 15 months.
If she really doesn't want to wear any kind of shoes, get her swimming socks- they're waterproof. Put them on over a nice thick pair of socks.
Don't fight with her, stay calm and follow up on any "threats".
For us it helped trying shoes on teddies, then her briefly, extending time gradually with praise.
Same as others have said-no shoes no walking and stick to it. It will sink in eventually! I use the soft leather booties on my 11 month old and occasionally used pram shoes with a pretty dress. Hopefully I won't get this! A lady at toddler group reckons if I put hard shoes on her she might walk quicker? I've heard this theory but not keen!
Definitely hard shoes won't get them walking quicker. Keep them without shoes as long as possible, then as soft as possible. Little feet need to breathe and grow. Also they need to feel their balance
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