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AIBU?

to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

463 replies

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:25

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

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ChablisTyrant · 13/12/2015 23:30

We have a primary school like this. Assumes that everyone is a SAHM able to do something every day. Try to ignore the cake baking rubbish and focus on the basics to support your child. In years R and 1 that just means reading every night, with a bit of writing and numbers at the weekend.

MammaTJ · 13/12/2015 23:32

I am not working at the moment and struggling to keep up!

Had a fail on Friday, where I had made plans to go to a friends and had something at DS's school for the whole morning. I stayed an hour, handed him over to his best friends Mum (she did owe me one) and left to meet friend.

I just hadn't realised it was happening until the night before!

steff13 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I work 50 or so hours a week, and my husband works 40, but we're not so busy we can't respond to 1-2 emails a day, and/or read a flyer. Do you have something else going on? We have three kids, all in school, btw.

MumCodes · 13/12/2015 23:32

I'm watching this for answers. I'm on mat leave and only have one child in school, but with two other kids it feels impossible to do all the stuff school want him to. We have constant all-school emails from his school and the PTA about various events and requests. Why send just one email when three will do! I hope it's just the time of year, otherwise we'll never cope.

So far our organisation starts and ends with laying the breakfast table before we go to bed at night.

LineyReborn · 13/12/2015 23:33

I'm a single parent - ExH wouldn't attend any day time events and hardly any evening ones - and I just used to be very blunt with the DC's schools that I had to work to support them, and if they had a problem maybe they'd like to take it up with him.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 13/12/2015 23:34

Agree about the minor things being ignored....just check bag daily, read with them when you can and always provide costumes when needed. Get a big board to pin things on.

littleducks · 13/12/2015 23:36

I think you are confusing supporting your child's education with participating/attending all events. Some of the stuff is unnecessary and a waste of time. It sounds really harsh, but ime is the truth.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 13/12/2015 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:38

Steff, wow that's a lot of hours

No nothing else on, we are so tired by the end of the day we just crash.
We don't need to reply to emails, just need to get things done / send things to school/ support kids w reading / out door learning stuff and run house.

We might just need get organised! Doesn't stop me feeling guilty about not spending time w kids.

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 13/12/2015 23:39

Get organised - whether that's a big whiteboard, a family diary or simply going through every single thing that's come from school religiously on a Thursday night and replying to every thing.

But also, as pps have said, be selective. Schools seem to be geared up round the assumption there's a SAHP just sitting there waiting for them to get in touch. Why I do not know, as most of the teachers I know are working parents themselves. There is a hell of a lot you can ignore. Supporting your child really only means doing a bit of reading, supporting homework and turning up once in a while when it matters to your child rather than school.

Also this is peak pain time - you have very young children and it's Christmas.

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:40

Chablis, think you hit the nail on the head about schools thought on SAHM, yes there are more SAHM but even they struggle with the demands.

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IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:42

Dawn

I can ignore some stuff but then kids will feel they are missing out / not being part of the class if I don't send them in party clothes etc..

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Haggisfish · 13/12/2015 23:43

Our school is great and doesn't pile requests like this on. One dressing up day a term max and lots of notice given. One of the reasons I like it, and something that factored in our choice.

ihateminecraft · 13/12/2015 23:44

I did it for a while and I did find it bloody hard to keep up. I now work part time and still struggle. Our school also send a lot of emails, no hardcopies anymore. At least with a hardcopy it was sitting there until I dealt with it. I get loads of emails and they sometimes get overlooked unless I deal with them straightaway. I tend to ignore the pta stuff unfortunately. We do have a mums fb page and anything vital does tend to get mentioned on there handily!

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:46

So this week have -

One section of schools anniversary party - dress & food
Christmas table decoration
Christmas food & party ( dress)
Nativity play - away from School so pick
Up / drops
Art competition - not done anything - ignoring
Church service

Last week was hectic too..

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MrsClusterfuck · 13/12/2015 23:46

I've been wondering the same recently and my setup is the same as Liney's. I hate the assumption our school seems to have that every house has a SAHP. I get an hour to see reception age DD every night in the week before her bedtime and even getting homework done in that time is tough.

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:48

Yes, I struggle with the evening clock watching..come to think of it, mornings are like that too..sigh

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LynetteScavo · 13/12/2015 23:48

Organisation, and sign up for Amazon prime so you can order things to be delivered the next day. Don't even think about making a costume, just order from Amazon. Don't bother about sending cakes in for a cake sale, just send money it to buy cakes.

I think you're lucky to receive emails! We get screwed up bits of paper. DD Spent last weekend working on a project homework about "someone from history" as requested on the paper, then was informed when she handed it in it was supposed to be someone relevant to the topic they were studying and this had been explained when she was out of the room. An email would have been great.

Domino777 · 13/12/2015 23:50

Can you set 10 mins aside daily to sift through notes

Also 10 minutes to read with each child.

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:53

Yes I can do 10mins. I need to be organised and disciplined..

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LineyReborn · 13/12/2015 23:54

MrsClusterFuck Get tough and take no shit! But - and I personally found that this is really key - be the most engaged parent by email. Most staff are really happy to exchange progress emails. And to be thanked for their efforts.

And no-one really ever needs to eat my cupcakes.

My last DC is out of school now, at sixth form college. Such a bloody relief.

PiperChapstick · 13/12/2015 23:55

It is possible to work full time and have a healthy work/life balance

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IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:55

And selective!

Mind you I will definitely be looked down on by other mums for being lazy if I didn't make an effort with PTA / events..it's not the competitive side mean, it's a village small school and they expect the community to support them.

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LineyReborn · 13/12/2015 23:56

Yeah, books and reading and conversation do need to be a priority in a family, for a while each day.

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:56

Piper, How? Any tips?

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