In laws live abroad. They are very good at asking what the dcs want, ordering from amazon and getting it posted to us. No hassle for them, no thought really either but it's very generous and nice they don't buy loads of tat.. (Although invariably they do that too..) this is just for background as it were.
They are very well off and regularly go shopping as a pastime, a trip here isn't complete without shopping everyday. It's fine, it's their cash but I don't really get it or the thing about spending loads on people at Xmas. They are very label orientated and I have known mil buy stuff just because she hasn't spent enough that day and then promptly forget about the thing, leave it in the bag and then end up giving it away. Ive had many totally inappropriate gifts from her for this reason.
What I'm trying to say is they don't really want for anything and buying them run of the mill stuff like clothing is a bit pointless.
Every year we have hand made gifts plus a few bought things for both my parents and his. This isn't shite, a la Fb selling, it is nice stuff, promise! We try to spend roughly the same on them as it all comes out of the same pot but really that's not always the case as I am naturally more frugal and DH isn't. We choose presents for our own parents generally. My parents live nearby and my mum does all childcare for us whilst I'm at work.(not for free but she does loads for us ) so I like to think we treat them to things they wouldn't get themselves.
Last year I was pregnant, trying to save money and as in previous years he'd seen something for them and bought it, we'd done handmade stuff, etc. When I'd packaged it all up to send it cost over £30 to post. I wasn't very pleased as it's just a waste of money really. But they have to get there safely so we pay it. Plus we do the same for his brother who lives abroad too. It mounts up. Plus I feel that if we are going to be fair and spend similar amounts on both sets of parents, then their present costing another (almost the same again) on top isn't very fair.
So I asked if we could this year, when I'm still on mat leave and we aren't that flush, dial it down a bit. He agrees. He spends hours making them a really lovely present that actually they will really love and appreciate. Proper family heirloom sort of thing. Cost next to nothing to make. I knew it would cost a bit to post but asked him to keep it to the dimensions I knew woukdnt be ridiculous postage. Tonight we package up to send it plus a small thing I got the dcs to make for them and a calendar I make every year with photos of the dc. He brings out two more presents. Gloves and a t-shirt. (Labels of course, anything else would go in the bin) £40 he's spent. TK maxx so hes trying I guess! It's going to cost slightly less that last year to post I think, £17. But still has made the parcel bigger and more expensive. He has hidden these presents from me as he knew I would ask why he has spent yet more money on them, if he'd said he was worried he wasn't spending enough then I would've understood as money talks in his family, although they will love the thing he's made they only really appreciate expensive gifts.
I'm a little bit angry that a) He wouldnt talk to me about it and has just ignored what we agreed and b)he's spent hours and hours of weekend and evenings when I've been looking after the dc making this thing and then went out and spent what I've spent on my parents as an afterthought.
My parents have a calendar, a present from the dc and a framed photo of them, plus I've got them a voucher for a meal out. I feel like getting them a nice bottle of wine and some other things to go with it now.
I don't know if IAbu as I'm sleep deprived have a cold and have had a very busy weekend making bleeding presents for people in an effort to save money when apparently I should have just thrown cash at it. We're not on the breadline but I don't get a proper paycheck till xmas and money is tight.
My parents see the dc on Xmas day and boxing day so I kind of think fair enough, let's treat the in laws as they don't get the time with them but to be honest it's DH who doesn't want to go there to visit, last time we went was very difficult as they made little to no effort to spend time with us or the dc while we were there..went shopping though, and dragged us with them.
AIBU? I probably am. Season of goodwill and all. And bloody hideous Ben sherman polonium shirts too apparently.
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AIBU?
About presents for in laws..again..
17 replies
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 13/12/2015 22:08
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