My OH and I have one child, and 8 month old. We have for the most part had a good relationship but we have had some very rough patches. There was a particularly rough patch a few years ago when we were close to splitting up but we managed to get through it.
We are going through another rough patch and I just don't know if I have the will or energy to work through it. A lot of our issues from our last rough patch have resurfaced and we now have the added stress of our first baby. I am just sick of having the same arguments over and over again.
One of the biggest issues we have is regarding money and how bad my OH is with it. He has pretty much been in debt the majority of the time I have known him. I have almost got myself in debt trying to help him. I have begged, threatened, ignored, supported, given up. Nothing makes a difference. He promises to be better, clear the debt of, stop spending money, save but he never does. He has recently got two new credit cards, I am just so upset. One of my conditions of staying together a few years ago was that he would improve his financial situation but he hasn't. If it wasn't for me we would struggle, I keep us afloat.
Another long standing issues is his family, mainly his mother. I am the first to admit that I don't like her. I avoid seeing her at all costs. It hasn't always been like this though. When we first got together I did make an effort. I really tried to get on with them but they made it really hard. They were forever making rude remarks about me. They were forever commenting on my weight, they thought it was weird that I barely drink, made fun of my job. They tried telling me what to do and how to think. It all got to much and I broke down to my OH. He told me that this is how they were and they wouldn't change and I should accept them.
I tried to grit my teeth and accept them but I couldn't. In the end I told my OH that I just wasn't going to keep seeing them. This worked well until I fell pregnant and then the pressure to see them has resurfaced. They haven't changed, in fact they are worse than I remember. I get more comments about my weight, questions about my parents involvement with baby, made to feel bad about my inability to breastfeed. They also keep snatching the baby from our arms and passing the baby around and I have to fight them to get him back.
My OH is annoyed by some of their actions but excuses them as excited first time grandparents. He says that we should make allowances for them. I know full well that if my parents tried even half the stuff they do he would be the first to complain. Somehow it's different for my parents as they already have grandchildren so they won't be as excited, apparently. I'm now in the position where I am not allowed to say anything to them. This means that years of pent up resentment is starting to boil over and I feel like I am about to burst. My OH will never say anything to them for fear of hurting their feelings. All he wants is for me to be able to just put up with them and play happy families.
This isn't the only situation where I am expected to just put up with something. He is also a snorer. It has been driving me mad for years but he refuses to do anything about it. If I go to bed and fall asleep before him then it doesn't disturb me. However I haven't had undisputed sleep since I was pregnant. This means his snoring has been driving me mad for a year and a half. It's got to the point now where half way through the night I give up and sleep downstairs on the sofa. If the baby wakes up, oh well he can deal with him. By that point I am just so tired I am no use to anyone.
This is just a few things, I'd be here all night if I wrote everything. I am just at my wits end and I don't know how much more I can take.
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Feel like I am going mad
24 replies
Jaboo65 · 13/12/2015 18:28
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