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Y1 Teacher Refused to let DS go to the toilet, resulting in sitting in mess all day.

(380 Posts)
FreeSpirit89 Sat 12-Dec-15 10:01:13

My mum picked DS1 aged 5 up from school Friday afternoon (3.15pm), He was clearly distressed, and upset. When she got him beyond the school gates he told her he had messy pants on. He said he had asked to go to the toilet before first break (10.30am) and the teacher had said no, he couldn't hold it any longer and messed his pants.

The school is aware that DS has bowel problems, they have letters on file from his consultant specialist at the hospital as well as the family GP, and myself explaining that he needs to be able to have access to water at all times, and due to his condition he may not have much warning that he needs to go to the toilet, and it tends to leak out of him fairly quickly.

His bottom was red raw, and little sores have appeared at the top of his bum crack due to being made to sit in his own mess all day. He is quite upset, and doesn't want to go back to school because he thinks it will happen again.

Im planning on approaching the school head about this on Monday, but i am at a loss at how to do so? The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. I want to go prepared and not get to angry, which at the moment i'm struggling with. I just cant believe that they have treated this issue with no sensitivity and ignore my sons pleas for the toilet.

Any idea's how i can get them to listen and ensure this doesn't happen again would be greatly appreciated.

SanityClause Sat 12-Dec-15 10:08:57

The school will have a complaints procedure, that you must follow. Usually these are downloadable from the school website.

If you get no joy from the meeting with the head, follow it to the letter. If it is not online, ask her for a copy at your meeting.

I would also take whatever photographs you can of the soiled clothing, and your DS's bottom. (Not very pleasant, I know, but could be useful. Do not, under any circumstances, send photographs of your DS's bottom online, though. Retain them only on your own phone or camera.)

Doublebubblebubble Sat 12-Dec-15 10:09:05

The head's default reaction to anything where the parent isn't there to witness the incident is that the child may be lying. wow that is not normal!!

I would email the complaint as well as actually going in as well as speaking going absolutely nutso! to the teacher in question.

Toffeewhirl Sat 12-Dec-15 10:15:38

I'm so sorry - that's appalling and neglectful. Your poor child. I'm shocked not only that the teacher refused to let your son use the toilet, but that he/she left him in his soiled pants all day. It would make me think twice about leaving my child at that school, to be honest.

This - by the NUT - gives a summary of teachers' responsibilities in this situation (they do not have to clean up a child, but should delegate this to someone else, eg a member of the support staff), so you can go in to the meeting informed of the expectations on teachers.

Hopefully someone with more knowledge will be along to advise soon.

GlitterandSequins Sat 12-Dec-15 10:17:34

Did they know that he had soiled himself?

I agree that not letting him go to the toilet when they are aware of his medical condition is our of order and needs raising with the school but I am amazed that all the school staff were aware that he had soiled himself and no one changed him. I have a boy in my class who has accidents frequently but does not tell an adult which can result in it going unnoticed until it is discovered in some way.

I hope that your DS is ok this morning.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 12-Dec-15 10:17:54

Oh Goodness the poor little lamb. It's hardly surprising he doesn't want to go back into school. Not only is he phobic of it happening again. He was undoubtedly embarrassed and mortified. At 5 he'll be aware of his body.
There's no doubt about it. This is beyond disgusting practice on the teacher's behalf. The school knows he has a problem with his bowels, yet for some reason probably because she was on a power trip she said "No".
The only route you can go down is to make an official complaint and if it is not resolved to your uppermost satisfactory you take your company to the Board of Governors.
You put in a complaint about
1. Her medical needs being dismissed
2. Him having to sit in his own dirt for most of the day and his little bum becoming sore as a result
3. The destrupting to his learning, well how could he concentrate when he was uncomfortable.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 12-Dec-15 10:19:11

His not her

notquiteruralbliss Sat 12-Dec-15 10:19:51

I would make it very clear to the teacher, the head and the school nurse what the consequences of the teachers actions were and make sure that all have a copy of the letter from the consultant. one of my DCs has a medical condition which means they should not do certain sports and can't always comply with uniform rules. The school were initially unsympathetic, but are fine now that they are aware of what can happen if recommendations aren't followed (DC involved the school nurse) and have consultants letters etc.

pudcat Sat 12-Dec-15 10:24:01

This is dreadful. At least ring you up if your child did not make it. How cruel not to let him go. Take photos of the clothes etc. Maybe it was a supply teacher. But surely they could smell it and should have done something about it.

catfordbetty Sat 12-Dec-15 10:24:50

That the school failed to meet your son's notified, recorded medical needs is a serious matter. You have a right to be angry, receive an apology and to insist that arrangements are made to prevent the situation ever arising again. Inevitably, posters here will tell you to complain directly to Ofsted and the governors - ignore them. Almost certainly the best outcome will be a constructive meeting with the headteacher - take another adult (your mum perhaps) to observe and record what is discussed and decided. Ask for a written response from the HT, detailing the procedures that will be followed in the future should your son need to go to the toilet. If there is any subsequent failure to follow these then is the time to find out about, and follow, the schools complaints procedures. As far as the class teacher is concerned, leave it to the school to take the appropriate action.

Finally, on a general note, preventing any five year old, medical needs or not, from going to the toilet is a bit inhumane.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight Sat 12-Dec-15 10:26:02

Oh dear your poor ds. I'm a teacher and senco. The teacher should have been well aware that he couldn't be expected to wait. I'm just wondering if it was his usual teacher or could it have been a supply who wasn't aware? And did he definitely ask? Just playing devil's advocate

Obviously this needs raising with the school on Monday so lessons can be learned. I can't believe they didn't smell it during the rest of the day.

SunsetDream Sat 12-Dec-15 10:28:52

Take photos (they don't need to be used, but they are evidence - you could black out bits of the photo for modesty).

Complain in writing.

I might not be the teacher's fault as such. We've had situations where we've been told under no circumstances to let children out to the toilet. Teachers who fall foul of management find their jobs at risk.

They maybe didn't know it had happened, but he hold have been allowed to go. It mustn't be allowed to happen again.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 12-Dec-15 10:29:01

They can't pull the supply teacher card though, Pud. As all the children's needs should be told to them prior to supplying the class. Eg Johnny has asthma and little Spirit has trouble with his bowels and must be allowed to go to the toilet when ever her needs to, so if she didn't know that is a huge failure of duty of care on the school's behalf.

Cotto Sat 12-Dec-15 10:29:31

I just cannot understand why children are not allowed to go to the loo in school when they need to - its ridiculous.
Don't get me started on the lack of provision of fresh water either.

Fucking ridiculous!
If animals were treated like this there would be uproar.

Euphemia Sat 12-Dec-15 10:33:21

In my school we'd always let the younger children go to the toilet when they want. We often make the older ones wait if it's just before break, but not if they have a medical condition!

Poor wee soul - complain! Complain a lot!

SavoyCabbage Sat 12-Dec-15 10:34:32

The whole thing is just awful. The fact that she wouldn't let him go in the first place. The fact that he was left in that situation all day. The general attitude of the head.

I would take it further, for the sake of other children but I would also be looking at other schools.

Janeymoo50 Sat 12-Dec-15 10:36:15

Poor sausage, that's just not on. Surely someone noticed something! That can't happen again, he'll remember it, he's only a little one, so wrong.

AnneElliott Sat 12-Dec-15 10:37:35

You have the right to be angry. I agree a meeting with the head is required. Ask them to put it in writing that he must be allowed to go to the toilet when ever he asks.
Dad has this with wees. He gets very little warning that he needs to go, and his class teacher lets him go when ever he puts his hand up.

monkeysox Sat 12-Dec-15 10:38:52

It's awful. Anyone can need to go urgently. Poor kid

abbsismyhero Sat 12-Dec-15 10:40:02

my son had an upset stomach and soiled himself he was encouraged to clean himself up and given clean clothing this was 15 minutes to the end of school so they didn't ring me to inform me (i have no car they were also aware i was at the doctors with his brother so i really couldn't have got there sooner anyway) they were kind considerate and very supportive of him he is six

if you get no joy from the head i suggest you get a better school

DropYourSword Sat 12-Dec-15 10:40:53

Your poor DS! Disgraceful that he wasn't allowed to go, and then left ALL day in his mess.

I had a similar thing happen to me aged 5. I'd had a kidney operation and didn't have fantastic bladder control, so when I needed to go I NEEDED TO GO! Teacher was well aware but when I asked to be excused she refused, and I ended up wetting myself...not great for a kid who is already being bullied. My usually calm sweet softly spoken mother was fucking furious not happy and confronted the teacher, who's excuse for not letting me go was "well if ones allowed they'll all want to go". hmm

Words were exchanged. It NEVER happened again. Mum did advise me though that WHENEVER I needed to go in future I just go, even if I wasn't permitted.

I understand teachers work very hard and it must be very difficult to oversee young children, but this should not be allowed to happen to your DS again. Very best of luck getting it sorted.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 12-Dec-15 10:41:26

You must meet with the head and take someone with you who will keep a cool head.

CheesyWeez Sat 12-Dec-15 10:42:37

Is your son a quiet well-behaved boy? Something similar happens to my Y5 son (but he doesn't have a medical condition). When he has dirty pants on it generally turns out to be something like - he asks to go to the toilet, teacher says yes, then says "right everyone go out to the playground now" and he takes it that he's not allowed to go to the toilet. He always takes literally and for himself the instructions for the whole class.

Your son may be misinterpreting what the teacher said, is what I'm saying.

I'd hear what the teacher has to say before making an official complaint. Maybe have a bag with spare pants/trousers and wipes for him to use discreetly but use this opportunity to make the point with the staff that if he needs the toilet he must be allowed to go or even have an exception made for him that he can just leave the classroom without asking.

Temporaryanonymity Sat 12-Dec-15 10:42:43

I would write to the HT and copy in the governor responsible for safeguarding.

Its my personal view that this is so serious it should involve those with responsibility for the safeguarding of children. In a care home for elderly people, removal of choice about going to the loo and sitting in dirty clothes all day would require an alert to the external safeguarding team at the local authority, and disciplinary action against the caregivers. I fail to see why it should be any different for children.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Sat 12-Dec-15 10:46:26

Op as well as great advice above I would get a phone call from doc too, explain what happened and ask if possible can he write a letter out lining why your dc must have access to water and loo.

I am sure doc would be annoyed and write a suitably strong letter.

no one can argue with that ( i know you already have consultants letters but a letter about this specific incident would be better) .

You would be amazed in the normal world, how much power a docs letter will have.

I think on this occasion I would keep my dc out of the school until I could be reassured it wouldn't happen again.

its the stuff of nightmares isnt it? literally? degrading, in human, sick...and they all know about this condition!

I would keep him off school, get the docs note - and tell everyone why. Take photos....

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