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to not take one of my DC on holiday with us?

(237 Posts)
livvielunch Fri 11-Dec-15 23:38:23

I have four DDs aged 9, 4, 3 and 9 months. My 9 year old is from my previous marriage. She's currently going through her preteen moody phase and is particularly keen on pushing boundaries, ignoring DH and I and being mean to her siblings. We want to go to Disneyland at Easter and I'm considering whether to go when she is away at her fathers. Obviously she will have holidays there that her siblings here do not, which she then gloats about to them. If she came she'd be constantly moaning it's babyish, telling her sisters the characters aren't real, complaining about sharing a room, calling her sisters babies and idiots for liking princesses etc. The younger three would have a much, much better time without her but it feels wrong going on a family holiday without a member of the family. Aibu to consider going without her?

Samcro Fri 11-Dec-15 23:39:56

wow yep so not a good idea. she is not a pre teen(teen+13) leave her out and she will hate you

Zippidydoodah Fri 11-Dec-15 23:40:08

Ouch! I'm not sure if you can exclude her like that without her feeling utterly, unmendably rejected.

Stradbroke Fri 11-Dec-15 23:40:22

Bloody hell yes you are. That would devastate her and you are essentially removing her from the family. A really cruel thing to do.

Mmmmcake123 Fri 11-Dec-15 23:41:19

Oooh that sounds like hard work but I think by not taking her you will just add to resentment. Has she been to Disney lots of times before

PiperChapstick Fri 11-Dec-15 23:43:30

shock

YWBVVVVVVU!

Is this a reverse? Is this what your ex is planning to actually do? If not then she is NINE FFS you can't exclude her because she's not your idea of the perfect child.

Wether or not this is a reverse I'm angry on your poor DDs behalf

walkinginmercury Fri 11-Dec-15 23:44:13

I think she's actually your step DD

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Dec-15 23:46:57

If she came she'd be constantly moaning it's babyish, telling her sisters the characters aren't real, complaining about sharing a room, calling her sisters babies and idiots for liking princesses etc

It sounds like you need to get a handle on your parenting, rather than simply excluding her from a family holiday.

Why does she behave that way and what consequences are there when she does?

PiperChapstick Fri 11-Dec-15 23:48:16

I'm also thinking it's the OPs stepdaughter (and she thought she'd get away with being unpleasant if she made out that she's her own DD) as the tone suggests she really doesn't like her

LyndaNotLinda Fri 11-Dec-15 23:48:44

Your other kids are too young anyway. If you really want to cut your eldest daughter out, why don't you wait a few years until she's old enough to find something better to do so she doesn't hate you forever?

And really, why would you take a 9 month old to Disneyland?

horseygeorgie Fri 11-Dec-15 23:48:51

Poor girl! She is going to be so hurt.

This is your NINE year old daughter. She is still a child. She is obviously upset and unsettled about something and instead of effectively sending her the message that you don't want her in the family then perhaps you should be giving her the impression that you all want her around and you all love her!?!

wanderingwondering Fri 11-Dec-15 23:49:28

Yabvu. Aren't you worried that this will ruin your relationship with her? She would (quite rightly) never forgive you!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 11-Dec-15 23:50:10

Yes! Step up and deal with her attitude, because 9 is easy compared to 13. Start putting some boundries in place before she alienates her family and friends.

AgentZigzag Fri 11-Dec-15 23:50:11

No, of course you can't leave her behind! It'll drive a wedge not only between you and her but also her and her sisters.

Although you can make it dependent on her having to behave and stopping needling her sisters.

I can't believe you've really thought seriously about leaving her, I can imagine if she's really doing your nut in you might think it for a second before realising that actually you love her and wouldn't want her to miss out, which is different, we all fantasise about giving them away if they're being a PITA wink

Pobspits Fri 11-Dec-15 23:51:16

Christ alive maybe she behaves like this because you consider things like not taking her to disney with her siblings. I have an almost 9 year old and at times he's like a moany overgrown toddler but it's my job to guide him through that, lay the law down at times and love him and treat him unconditionally. It would break his Heart and his trust in me if I even considered this.

She's 9. She might seem all grown up and she might think she is too but she's really young and just a kid.

Work on her behaviour and your relationship with her. Do NOT exclude her. Actually cannot believe you'd consider it and it makes me wonder tbh what you're like towards her.

ShebaShimmyShake Fri 11-Dec-15 23:53:59

You can't be serious.

Creiddylad Fri 11-Dec-15 23:54:22

I do not think you are being unreasonable.

I have left one at home and taken the others, when he had exams and I knew he would spoil the holiday for the others. He still says I owe him a holiday, but I pointed out that he had holidays before the others were born.

Minibelle Fri 11-Dec-15 23:57:27

I can't see how this is going to acheive anything apart from isolating your dd, causing a further divide between Her and your other dc and making her feel left out.

Horrible idea.

Floggingmolly Fri 11-Dec-15 23:57:37

You're considering going to Disneyland and leaving your 9 year old behind in case she misbehaves... There are no words, really sad

MaisieDotes Fri 11-Dec-15 23:57:37

You can't seriously plan to do this to your own child.

If she is "gloating" nasty etc then step up and help her work through what are obviously some insecurities she has about being the "odd one out". Poor little thing.

livvielunch Sat 12-Dec-15 00:00:13

She has been before. When I mentioned going she huffed and sighed and belittled her sisters saying what a stupid baby place it is to go and she would hate to go there. I don't see why I should then go and spend hundreds of pounds to take her to a place she doesn't want to go when she'll then also spoil it for her sisters.

PiperChapstick Sat 12-Dec-15 00:01:31

He still says I owe him a holiday, but I pointed out that he had holidays before the others were born.

hmm

So you're punishing him for being the oldest? Hardly his fault is it!

ouryve Sat 12-Dec-15 00:02:01

Go ahead and leave her at home. It will help you to rebuild your relationship with her no end.<sarcasm>

Pobspits Sat 12-Dec-15 00:03:03

Don't you? It's because she's your child you see and you're her mother. She is pushing the boundaries to see if you'll still love her. It's not hard to understand and it's also not hard to understand why she's doing it. Give her some bloody reassurance. You sound so mean and unfeeling though I'm Bowing out because I can't believe it.

Samcro Sat 12-Dec-15 00:03:56

biscuit

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