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(10 Posts)
Wondeingwhy Fri 11-Dec-15 17:05:05

I took up a sport rather older than most people start. I've worked hard at it and am now quite good. But I'm wondering if I'm too competitive and what I can do about it. I don't like to lose and feel down for a bit. I don't let my fellow players see this. The down feeling doesn't last fortunately.
However, if I lose and feel there was unfairness or an infringement of the rules I won't let it go. My husband says these things happen and I should let it go. I can't!
I realise, in writing this, that I'm quite competitive in others areas of life too but to a lesser extent. AIBU? I'm struggling to decide what level of competitive spirit is healthy and what is destructive.
I've become known as very competitive at my sports club. Don't really like I must feel it's unattractive.

Optimist1 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:16:35

Is it a sport where there's a referee or umpire? If so, you must remind yourself that their decision is definitive, whether they're in error or not. Once acceptance of this important fact is part of your mindset you'll find yourself able to let it go when there's an infringement or similar. Not sure whether it's a team sport or not, but either way perhaps one of your fellow players can provide you with a role model for a while?

Competitiveness itself is, of course, a good thing - if no-one was competitive records wouldn't be broken, wins would count for little and success would be meaningless!

Witchend Fri 11-Dec-15 17:27:58

I say to ds who's massively competitive that you have to remind yourself that unfairness is often swings and roundabouts. Sometime people do gain, but you'll probably gain at other times.

For what it's worth I play a sport at a high club level and I would avoid playing with or against someone like you describe as I find it spoils the enjoyment of playing.

BlueJug Fri 11-Dec-15 18:44:43

I am a bit like you re rules although not competitive exactly. I can lose, as long as I lose to better player and it was "fair", otherwise, like you, I find it very hard.

It is something that you need to live with though and learning to enjoy the game more than the winning will stand you in good stead. As Whichend says it is swings and roundabouts.

Enjolrass Fri 11-Dec-15 18:55:54

I am in a sport (so are my kids) that entirely depends on the referee.

Unfortunately sometimes they just don't see things, or see things from a difficult angle. Sometimes it's in your favour, sometimes not.

My sport has actually taught me to not be so hard on myself.

I just go out and do my best and if a decision is made I disagree with, I just roll with it.

I am also known as competitive person. But in a good way. People know I like to win and in order to win I will work my hardest. I am also known as dedicated to the sport and to the club.

Being competitive can be seen as a positive or a negative thing.

Do your team mates say it in a positive or negative way.

Gottagetmoving Fri 11-Dec-15 19:07:16

You sound like me.
I do accept losing but like you, if I lost after any infringement of rules I could not let that go.
To be honest, I really don't like the person I am when in competition so tend to avoid it. I insist on rules being followed even when playing board games with the kids and won't allow cheating etc.
I have missed out on many opportunities in my working life because I won't get into competing. I would be quite ruthless and then hate myself,...and so would they!

It's whether you are happy with yourself that matters really. I'm not happy with it so I avoid it but I don't see anything wrong with you being the way you are if you are content with it. It doesn't sound like you are thiugh?

I suppose you can learn to let go a bit... there must be books about how to?

Rainbunny Fri 11-Dec-15 19:18:29

I play tennis and I understand where you're coming from. I don't mind losing fair and square but I get very annoyed when I feel I have been unfairly robbed of a point.

I actually changed to a different tennis class once because of the poor sportsmanship of another player. At the end of each class we played 20 minutes of competitive doubles play and this woman cheated every week (the tennis coach was aware but in casual club level tennis the players umpire themselves on the honour system so if an opponent says your ball landed out you can't argue). One time I served an ace, the tennis coach and other players all with perfect view told me well done but this woman who was receiving suddenly said it was out. The tennis coach laughed at her and made a joke about her perhaps needing an eye exam (he was well aware of her habits) but she refused to acknowledge my ace so I served again. As it happened I served a second ace and again the same thing happened, everyone except my opponent said well done it was good, but this woman insisted it was out again. Even her doubles partner was embarrassed by her. Nobody wants to play against her or with her and she seems unable to help herself. She's got herself quite a reputation at our tennis club so in a way it bothers me less when she steals points but damn it I served two really good aces and wanted to shove my racket down her throat on that occasion!

PoorFannyRobin Fri 11-Dec-15 19:57:27

In sport, two things to avoid. One, of course, is being a cheater; the other is being a bad loser. You can be competitive, but you don't want to get a reputation as a bad loser. Hating to lose is okay, but not being able to lose is something different. There's such a fine line between the two.

Wondeingwhy Fri 11-Dec-15 20:01:42

Thanks for your thoughts. There is no umpire and it's an individual sport. I'm certain no one avoids playing with me. As someone said, when beaten fair and square by a better player/performance I can take it even if a bit disappointed.......that goes quite quickly.
I just seem unable to let go if I perceive something to be unfair. I have called people a couple of times on this. The attitude in the club is much more relaxed about such things. I don't want to be a pain and make myself unpopular though so I'll just have to roll with it............The fact I'm asking AIBU shows I'm not too comfortable with this trait!

Enjolrass Sat 12-Dec-15 07:11:16

Is it the right club for you?

My club as a whole is competitive. We go to competitions to win. We also make a big thing out of not being bad losers. It's an individual sport, but wins are counted to see which team performed best in the day.

But we may crumble on the bus back or at the next session.

I am not sure if I could be part of a club if it was quite relaxed and just for fun.

We have some of the countries top competitors at your club and 2 world champs. We go to win. I wouldn't like it any other way.

How is it judged?

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