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AIBU not to bother with presents for impossible DH?

(61 Posts)
Plateofcrumbs Fri 11-Dec-15 13:10:21

DH is impossible to buy for. He's not short of money and just buys himself whatever he wants/needs whenever he wants/needs it. He is VERY particular about what he likes and doesn't. Year after year I have battled to buy him gifts he'll appreciate, every year I mess up and he ends up returning stuff.

We have a young DS now do there will be plenty of present opening and fun on Christmas Day. I have told DH I don't want anything special for Christmas (but I know he'll ignore this and buy me loads of unnecessary stuff). AIBU to just buy DH a couple of token gifts and avoid all the faff?

abbieanders Fri 11-Dec-15 13:14:02

No, but would he not even enjoy something like one of those monthly coffee or chocolate subscriptions as well?

cashewnutty Fri 11-Dec-15 13:14:15

I have a DH just like yours. I have got him thick socks for dog walking (which he chose), a pair of running cloves (which he chose) and aftershave (which he suggested). I have no surprises or anything. I have back money due to me next week and could buy him something really nice but he has everything already.

DownstairsMixUp Fri 11-Dec-15 13:18:42

No, sounds fine to me. My ex husband was like this, impossible to buy for, he always just bought stuff when he needed it. Does he read any magazines in particular? Subcription is a good idea. Or if he orders stuff a lot like from amazon maybe a prime membership? I love prime, order stuff from there all the time so it's worth it to me.

ShowYourSeams Fri 11-Dec-15 13:26:16

If he returns things you've put thought and effort into buying he doesn't deserve a present.

WhispersOfWickedness Fri 11-Dec-15 13:28:20

YANBU! I have a similar DH, I tried to talk him into doing an online wish list this year, but he said why would he bother when he just buys what he wants anyway confused
So I'm just going to get him some chocolate from the kids and that's it!

SalemSaberhagen Fri 11-Dec-15 13:30:27

Agree with show, there is nothing I hate more than ungratefulness.

DP is very hard to buy for but is always appreciative. I've got him a full body massage at a Champneys day spa this year (we have set a £50 budget for each other) because like your DP, anything he wants, he gets himself!

IWasHereBeforeTheHack Fri 11-Dec-15 13:32:45

Year after year I have bought DH books, CDs, DVDs. Just bought him another coffee table book this year, on a subject close to his heart. I just know it will join all the other unopened books/CDs/DVDs on the shelf.

I do pay for a magazine sub but it's hard to wrap that and put it under the tree, especially as the sub runs for 13 months each time!

I despair of my DH. Good luck with yours.

toastedbeagle Fri 11-Dec-15 13:32:47

My husband is the same. I end up getting him cufflinks every year, although I do try and get personalised ones so he can tell I've made an effort. Our 3 yr old DD drew a pic of him earlier in the year and I had that transferred on to cufflinks - was supposed to be for Christmas but I gave them to him in Oct when he'd had a bad week. So now stuck for ideas!

minifingerz Fri 11-Dec-15 13:36:32

Concert or play tickets.
My DH is the same as all the above. And his birthday is in the second week of January. :-(

I buy him cheese sometimes. Then I eat it!

SaucyJack Fri 11-Dec-15 13:37:33

I think it's fine to buy him a couple of token gifts.

But I also think it's impossible to say that he's ungrateful or impossible to buy without knowing him, you or what you've bought him previously.

With the best will in the world some people are just shite at choosing presents. You might be one of them wink

TheFormidableMrsC Fri 11-Dec-15 13:53:49

Notonthehighstreet do some gorgeous personalised gifts for men. What about a really beautiful keyring with a personalised inscription or his initials or something like that. I have bought these in the past for "difficult" male relatives and they have gone down really well. Practical and thoughtful smile.

GasLIghtShining Fri 11-Dec-15 13:54:00

I often get tickets.

StrictlyMumDancing Fri 11-Dec-15 13:54:04

I get my impossible DH a few token gifts and tell him he can have something when he needs it/wants it. He got an ipad mini for his last birthday but then he got nothing for the birthday and two christmases before. So I think we may be in a buy nothing for a few years then buy something big cycle!

sillylily Fri 11-Dec-15 13:54:09

I have one like that too. Have just taken a pile of unopened gifts from last year to the charity shop so hope someone else enjoys them. I suggested we just give each other a token present this year but he isn't keen. He does buy me very nice gifts but also buys very nice things for himself.

Plateofcrumbs Fri 11-Dec-15 13:55:45

Seems like I am in good company! I'm pretty sure I am not just a crap gift buyer as I do pretty well for everyone except DH.

He really is just very picky. Most purchases he makes for himself he'll research endlessly, then buy something, decide it isn't quite right, return it and start again.

He did used to put on a show of pretending to like things, then half way through the year I'd mention that he'd never used/worn whatever it was and he should really have just have returned it. These days we've given up the pretence - when he opens a present I'll ask 'is it crap?' and he will tell me!

A subscription is a good idea - I will have a think.

Anomaly Fri 11-Dec-15 14:02:28

In my experience people who are 'difficult' to buy for are just less polite about the gifts they receive. So whereas I will smile and say thank you to the giver no matter what the present those who are 'difficult' to buy for will tell you what's wrong with it. I think its rude but both my mum and FIL do it. So I now get a specific request off my mum and make DH sort FIL.

If your DH can't give you any ideas then his favourite chocolate, nice bottle of something, is all you can get.

MatildaTheCat Fri 11-Dec-15 14:03:05

Are you also married to my dh? I now absolutely don't get any quirky surprises just good solid stuff he would buy anyway.

He approves of stupidly expensive designer socks, stupidly expensive polo shirts <all navy>, aftershave ( same as last year). I generally buy an expensive piece of kitchen gadgetry and some posh chocolate. If I'm feeling very generous I might buy some nice underwear for myself with a nod and a promise < not sure I do feel that generous>.

Anyway, I feel your pain. He's so bloody hard to please, though he would say the exact opposite. hmm

hellsbellsmelons Fri 11-Dec-15 14:05:40

We are just doing token gifts this year.
He is getting; slippers, football team t-shirt (tasteful one not the official one), mug, hat and socks, cute note pads, a book.
Tick done - all novelty stuff he will use.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr Fri 11-Dec-15 14:09:59

Just don't get him anything, or get him something utterly safe (ie something consumable he uses every day and is already the existing brand/whatever he uses)

LittleMissGreen Fri 11-Dec-15 14:11:48

DH said to me the other day "You are so rubbish at buying me presents please don't bother this Christmas" sad.
I'm assuming he has forgotten the painting I had done specially that he had 10more copied for other people, the massive pepper grinder he loves, the whiskeys he has been converted to.... or probably assumed he bought himself.

Paintedhandprints Fri 11-Dec-15 14:13:24

Yep. Same here. I did manage to surprise him when with some bigvticket items before dc, but have run out of ideas now. To be honest, there's not much he can buy me either. Currently pg so clothes, experiences, spas I wouldnt want to do.
So now we are exchanging boxes of fancy chocs.
Don't even know what 20mo ds can get him.

Zorigami Fri 11-Dec-15 14:13:45

It would seem that DH's are hard to buy for smile. Mine is the same. This year I asked him to do an amazon wish list so I could choose something of it, so he'd get a sort of surprise. He put ONE thing on it. So he's getting that and some novelty Christmas boxers from Tesco.

BackforGood Fri 11-Dec-15 14:42:45

YANBU at all. Dh and I do this.
When the dc were little, we didn't get each other things to save money, and now we are older and better off, we can buy what we want, when we need it, so, once again, don't tend to get each other things.
The key is, we are both happy with it. Doesn't really work if one of you wasn't. However, if you both are, then it doesn't matter what other people think.

pilates Fri 11-Dec-15 14:52:27

Same here.

Last year I bought concert tickets for a group we both really like, which went down well. This year I have bought tickets for a London show and stay over night (a deal on Travel Zoo). They are presents I will enjoy too wink

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