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Does it bug you if you send someone a heartfelt message about something andt they just reply xxx

(23 Posts)
LardLizard Fri 11-Dec-15 11:04:02

Mil does it to dh whenever anything bad happens

munkisocks Fri 11-Dec-15 11:08:00

Well it depends what the situation is. I expect they appreciate the message but not sure what to respond back. Mils father just passed. I sent her a message and if she'd replied xxx I'd understand.

Atomik Fri 11-Dec-15 11:09:30

Sometimes people just can't find the words. Especially if big events and big emotions are involved.

There are contexts in which I can express what I think and mean in a heartfelt manner.

And others when I am struck mute. Becuase the feeling is there. But the words won't come. And when I push it... it all comes out as trite bollocks. So I just have nothing, and xxx, or an emoticon, might be the best I can do.

Knowing her as you do, do you think xxx could be a result of that sort of thing ?

Sirzy Fri 11-Dec-15 11:09:43

Depends on context but in a lot of cases I would read that as "thank you for the tought, not ready/able to talk yet but it means a lot" type sentiment.

To ignore it would see rude, to reply with words may start conversation your not ready for

LardLizard Fri 11-Dec-15 11:12:51

Say it was dh telling mil some fairly bad news

MelanieCheeks Fri 11-Dec-15 11:15:12

I'd see it as a "holding" response, with an expectation of discussing more later. But it really does depend on the circumstances, and how it was phrased (and why is he not ringing rather than texting/ emailing?)

Sirzy Fri 11-Dec-15 11:17:47

I think if you are telling someone bad news it's best to do it face to face/on the phone. If you can't do that then I do think you need to be willing to give them some time to take in what they have been told before expecting a 'proper' response.

Some people also struggle to communicate via text so will find it harder to know what to say/how to respond

LardLizard Fri 11-Dec-15 11:19:26

Nah not a holding thing
As when similar things have happened in the past you just get xxx

They are quite emotionally repressed

He doesn't like talking to them on the phone
He finds conversations with the awkward
As they always try to pretend nothings ever happening

BertieBotts Fri 11-Dec-15 11:22:39

I think it sounds like bigger issues - most people wouldn't impart bad news via text message, for starters.

I agree xxx as a reply is a placeholder which means I'm sorry, I'm thinking of you, but I have no idea what to say but I feel sympathy so here is some sympathy.

BillBrysonsBeard Fri 11-Dec-15 11:26:21

It depends. Some people did this on my facebook status when my dad died, it was fine as they just didn't know what to say but wanted to show some love. Also if people messaged me with nice words, sometimes I replied with just hearts as I was too upset to write.

However your situation is different, he specifically messaged his mum. If I had sent a message to one person with bad news, I would want more than kisses because I'm reaching out to them specifically so needing some words of support.

munkisocks Fri 11-Dec-15 11:26:38

To contradict pp's, I told my mum some bad news by text explaining if I had said it over phone I wouldn't get the words out and I'd call her later about it.

M48294Y Fri 11-Dec-15 11:26:58

Perhaps she's run out of things to say? Sorry things are so bad for your dh right now, but does he still rely on his mother for emotional support a lot?

LardLizard Fri 11-Dec-15 11:29:26

No he doesn't go to them for emotional support as like I've already said they are the type to pretend nothing is happening

DurhamDurham Fri 11-Dec-15 11:38:27

I think xxxx would mainly be used when the person wanted to pass on their love/best wishes etc but didn't really know what else to day.
I've done the same in the past. It would bug me if that's all the other person ever replied with.
I send my sister texts to make plans/see how her children are etc and she always just replies with ok x .....I've got used to it now and don't take it personally because when we see each other she is perfectly lovely smile

IWasHereBeforeTheHack Fri 11-Dec-15 11:38:36

I think I understand your annoyance, but you cannot change how your DH and his DM interact. As long as you know that's the likely response then all you can do is to be prepared for it, and not expect anything more from her.

She is not providing emotional support for him, so he needs to seek it elsewhere, however disappointing that may be for him.

IWasHereBeforeTheHack Fri 11-Dec-15 11:39:03

And also, flowers for whatever it is that's going on in your life right now.

NoSquirrels Fri 11-Dec-15 11:43:08

If I had sent a message telling someone bad/upsetting news, which I wanted some support for, I would be upset with just xxxx, as it's not a proper reply.

If I had sent a message to someone who had received some bad news, and my message was offering them support and kind words, I would be fine with a xxxx reply. It's just an acknowledgement of my message.

If I'd sent a message saying something happy, or a picture of something lovely, or whatever - DC in a nativity costume, just wanted to tell you how much I love you, etc. - then I would be fine with a xxxx reply as acknowledgement.

So, depends, really.

diddl Fri 11-Dec-15 11:43:16

Does it bother yourhusband?

KitKat1985 Fri 11-Dec-15 11:48:08

I agree that's its usually done when people don't know quite what to say but want to express their love / thoughts. It's not ideal, but to be fair it can be difficult to know what to say in some circumstances.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 11-Dec-15 11:50:15

You can't judge other people by your standards.

I would be happy to just get a response.

Some people find words can sound hollow at difficult times of emotional stress.

Don't let it upset you.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 11-Dec-15 11:52:22

I think sometimes people do because they don't know what to say, so its just a little acknowledgment that they're thinking of you.
I've done it before in the past because at sensitive times. You're almost phobic of unintentionally saying the wrong thing.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Dec-15 11:52:29

Would she manage to say anything heartfelt if he told her face to face? XXX by text might be all she can cope with.

I don't blame him for trying but sounds like communicating hasn't generated any supportive response in the past. If his parents are emotionally repressed this must have always been how they are. It doesn't mean that they don't have feelings, they lack the skill of articulating them.

LardLizard Fri 11-Dec-15 12:57:55

I agree it's the way they are and at their age they are not going to just suddenly change

It is what it is

There's certain things théy need to be informed about so at least they have been told
Dh has done his part telling them

He says he's not really bothered and at times where things really bad have happened he has said they are like two strangers
Which is a shame
But I think he's ok as they've always been no real support to him
So he is used to it really
Wouldn't expect more

However it's good point they may have sad feelings they are just unable to communicate them

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