Engagement party

[WhatstheT]

I'm posting here for traffic really.

Me and Partner had our first child In Jan, and we got engaged this year too. We didn't have a christening, and we don't plan on getting married for a good few years until we have the money, and DD is old enough to be involved.

My question is... what do people think of engagement parties?

We haven't really had a family celebration before, or really arranged any real parties before, and we were considering inviting friends and family for a get together just to celebrate engagement/baby all in one go...

Having never had a party before... not sure what people think of arranging a do for yourself... it would only be renting a room in a social club/having a drink/buffet type of do, but I'm not sure if it's a bit self indulgent ? (Well of course it is.. it's a party for us! lol) There won't be any formalities of speeches (just a thank you for coming)

What do people think when they get invited to this kind of thing? A chore or a good pissup?

[Jenda]

Marking my place as in similar situation, congratulations!

[WhatstheT]

Thanks!, and you :)

[jusdepamplemousse]

Go for it! Only people who could possibly object are killjoys, and they don't have to come.

[goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal]

Rather than billing it as an "engagement party" why not just....have a party? You can still send out invitations and stuff.

There doesn't need to be some sort of compelling reason why you would want to have a get together with friends and family.

That way no-one has any pressure for gifts, or expectations of formalities, or whatever.

[mouldycheesefan]

I think I would focus in organising the wedding instead. Having an engagement party at this late stage seems a little odd.

Or have a party for your daughters first birthday, we had a big party instead of a christening in first birthday

[Enjolrass]

How long have you been engaged?

Personally I would go, if it was someone close. But is does sound like you are having a party just to have a party.

Which is fine, but just have one to have one.

[Enjolrass]

Personally if money was putting off the wedding I would rather put the money towards the wedding so you can get married sooner.

But it's really down to you

[expatinscotland]

Why not get married and have the party? You have the money for a party, you can get married at the Registry Office.

[ComposHatComesBack]

Congratulations!

As far as engagement parties go, I thought they'd pretty much died a death, about 20 or 30 years ago. Of all the friends I've known to marry, I can't recall a single one of them having an engagement party (perhaps they did and didn't invite me).

But if you want a party, go ahead and knock yourself out.

[WhatstheT]

Engagement was November this year, we'd probably arrange something for March/April after everyone is over the Xmas/New year hump.

As I said it would be in a social club, most in my town are free with a refundable deposit, so it would literally be a buffet and that's it, so it's not really worth not doing in order to have a wedding sooner. We're in no rush and as we said, would like our daughter to have an involvement when she's older.

It was more about how people feel being invited to these kinds of things :)

[VintageTrouble]

I haven't been to an engagement party for years and am championing for them to make a come back!

But then I am happy to come to any party where I'm not charged for an invite

[Nanny0gg]

I had one 40 years ago...

People may feel obliged to bring presents...

[WhatstheT]

Yeah the present obligation thing is annoying (my side of the family won't, we don't even get xmas presents from them) but my other half's have a card for every occasion haha

[cleaty]

I have only been to one of these. Was enjoyable, but presents were expected.
I would describe it as a party and make it clear it is to have fun. But you need to think about who you invite. It can be hard to have a party that everyone will enjoy from children to elderly people to young party goers. It is sometimes the trying to cater for everyone, that means it isn't really enjoyable for anyone.

[pasturesgreen]

Go ahead! I LOVE engagement parties!

Although Nanny brings up a good point re. presents...

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

Like a previous poster, the only engagement parties I've ever been invited to were were present generating exercises for the greedy newly engaged couple. Not a fan. Have a party if you want a party, just don't try looking for a 'cause' if there isn't one.

[MontyYouTerribleCunt]

I'd go! Doesn't sound all that unusual to me. Some people might not like 'having' to buy pressies or whatever but just make it clear you categorically don't want any. I guess that people who already know you're engaged and wanted to buy you a gift have probably already done so. We didn't have an engagement party but still got lots of presents which we never expected. Ditto baby presents.

[80sWaistcoat]

Have the party. Just say 'no presents' if you don't want presents. I think its quite nice to have an excuse for a party.

[Orda1]

I just got engaged too, we are just having a housewarming, I don't really like the idea of engagement parties - no presents expected.

[WhatstheT]

We got one card and no gifts when we announced, people know we aren't grabby. We just fancied a get together.

Thanks for everyones opinions :D

[SoWhite]

Just get married!

You've got the money for a party now - there is literally no point in saving up more to then spend it on a slightly nicer wedding. That money could go on fantastic things that last longer than a day.

[cjt110]

Ive never been to one nor held one when we got engaged as it isnt our thing. Why don't you just have a "celebration" party to celebrate the new year, your engagement, your DD being here etc

[TeenAndTween]

You do realise that if you have more children you'll need to wait until they're old enough to be involved too?

Plus as child/children get older there will always be a more important need for the money.

Personally I'd go for a registry office wedding and your lovely sounding simple party.

It's not like there is an expectation that children are involved in their parents' wedding.

[MontyYouTerribleCunt]

People must think I'm really grabby as they bought us gifts

[hefzi]

My DB and now SIL had one last January: they got engaged in November, but that was the first time after that time that they were together again (lived on opposite sides of the world) The party was because they were not intending to get married until 2017, but then her father kicked off with my DB and insisted they got married last summer. I wasn't at the engagement party, but they did get some gifts - more in line with the odd bottle of wine that's the explanation of why they didn't do thank you letters, because there were no tags on things

The wedding was over the summer in her country they haven't written thank you letters for that yet either and now they are also planning to have a "wedding" in this country grabby fuckers next year (she moved here about six weeks ago)

So - I think you can definitely have an engagement party if you want, given how far away the wedding is likely to be: and if you don't want gifts, stipulate that on the invitation (the only one I've been to was a cousin's, where gifts were definitely expected). You can also have a party to celebrate your DC's "naming" - or just for no reason. I think it's nice to have a party to mark the engagement when the wedding is a way away.