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To avoid buying dd something because other dd would be upset?

(44 Posts)
startingallover Wed 09-Dec-15 18:45:42

Dd has just shown me the gold heelys she hopes to get for Xmas. They're the same ones my younger daughter wanted a few weeks ago for her birthday. They weren't suitable - she's not ready for laces and they're one wheel. Older daughter would be fine with them but I was going to get a different pair to avoid upsetting my other daughter. She immediately got upset tonight and said they were the ones she loved as they are prettier. So should I get eldest daughter a second choice to avoid upset? My eldest daughter is already getting a smart phone for Christmas (relatives) which my younger daughter has asked for but is too young for. I just don't want her upset on Xmas day when she sees her sister getting the gold heelys she wanted and a proper phone. Dh tells me that's not a reason not to get what my other daughter wants - they're just different ages. But I feel bad already. AIBU?

wonderpants Wed 09-Dec-15 18:47:49

How old are they?

coffeeisnectar Wed 09-Dec-15 18:49:07


They are different ages and you are basically wanting your oldest to wait for everything until the youngest is old enough. I'd get her what she wants.

The youngest needs to learn that her time will come. But I think it would be grossly unfair for the oldest to be held back in terms of age related presents in case the youngest gets upset. Surely the oldest will be upset too?

RubbleBubble00 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:50:55

yabu. tell youngest de when she's same age she can have the same

startingallover Wed 09-Dec-15 18:52:15

They're 10 and 6. My eldest daughter would be less upset getting a different style than my younger daughter seeing her get the gold shoes. First world problems hey!!!

TeenAndTween Wed 09-Dec-15 18:54:34

YABU I think.

You need to be clear that some presents you have to be old enough for.

My grandfather had to wait 6 years before he could have a bicycle as he had to wait until his younger brother was old enough for one too!

TheHouseOnTheLane Wed 09-Dec-15 18:54:34

My sister is older than me and one year she really, really wanted a pogo stick. Parents thought it was a phase and she was too old so got ME one.

Sister was devestated.

LizKeen Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:22

Did you post about this before? I read something really really similar on here last week, I am sure of it.

They are different ages, and your younger DD is going to have to understand that her time will come. It is unfair for your older DD to lose out.

Senpai Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:46

Don't limit your eldest because of your youngest. My parents did that to me with movies, as soon as he could watch them then we both could. It was very unfair.

Do you want to teach your daughter that the one that makes the bigger fuss gets what they want? You're going to be in for a rough ride once they figure that one out.

TeenAndTween Wed 09-Dec-15 18:56:34

(You could buy the younger one the gold heelys for xmas too though? It would be an incentive to learn laces, and iirc you can always take the wheels off and wear them as normal shoes)

Senpai Wed 09-Dec-15 18:57:32

Alternatively, if you have the money, why not get them both the gold shoes? Just hold younger DD's hand while she wears them, and take the wheel out if she's going to school.

Senpai Wed 09-Dec-15 18:57:52

oh, Xpost.

StarOnTheTree Wed 09-Dec-15 18:58:25

YABU Buy your eldest the ones that she wants!

gleam Wed 09-Dec-15 19:02:04

I would bexworried that the eldest only wanted them because her sister can't have them.

She must know how much her sister wants them...

wonderpants Wed 09-Dec-15 19:05:32

I actually would look for some different heeleys. Having a sad DD who feels her nose has been rubbed in it isn't the spirit of Christmas. Or I would consider getting them both them. If she really isn't old enough to manage them, she will soon lose interest, or will teach herself how to.

If DD1 had wanted them first, it would be different, but she wanted them after her sister had been told no.

TheLesserSpottedBee Wed 09-Dec-15 19:13:20

Is the one wheel an issue? Get eldest DD single wheel gold ones, younger DD gets two wheel ones obviously not gold.

Or they both get gold single wheel.

If I had waited till Ds1 could tie laces before I got him lace up shoes I would have waited a long time (big feet at young age)

Just tie the laces for DD2.

Elisheva Wed 09-Dec-15 19:20:01

I would get different ones. There must be loads of different designs. Why upset your youngest unnecessarily? It's not the main present and I too suspect your oldest has chosen the gold ones because they're the ones the little one likes.

WoodHeaven Wed 09-Dec-15 19:22:19

I have in some ways restricted dc1 not upset dc2 (or to make things easier) but they have only 18months between them and have more or less always done the same thing together.
With a 4 years gap, I would expect them to receive very different presents fur that to be acceptable to the younger DC.
I would be careful that said younger DC doesn't have all the cast off from dd1 though.

whois Wed 09-Dec-15 19:24:26

Id get them both the gold heelies. Bet the younger one will learn how to use them just fine.

abbsismyhero Wed 09-Dec-15 19:26:12

cant you find something with two wheels and gold? the laces are not really the issue get some elastic laces job done!

mintoil Wed 09-Dec-15 19:26:39

YABU- unless you have reason to believe that DD1 has a nasty streak and only wants them to piss off DD2 then she should be able to have them.

You seem far more worried about upsetting DD2 than upsetting DD1 - does she have form for drama?

Nataleejah Wed 09-Dec-15 19:32:09

Isn't there anything else that would make a 6yo happy?

Jux Wed 09-Dec-15 19:49:49

Children do have to learn that what's OK for one may not (yet) be OK for another.

I had to watch my brother being allowed to do things/have things because he was older than me, and often even longer because he was a boy. I was always outraged by that one!

reni2 Wed 09-Dec-15 19:52:45

Get them for your older dd, she wants them and they are age appropriate. Younger dd can have them when she is old enough. I would have a talk to dd2 around now though, emphasising she will be old enough for the heelys soon enough so she knows not to expect them quite yet ("when you are your dsis's age...")

It is very easy to short change the older sibling because the younger one is jealous, this will come up many more times (movie ratings, computer games, drinking alcohol, wearing make up...). Fair does not mean the same for all. Younger siblings will usually be allowed stuff a bit earlier than the eldest who has to fight for it, but it shouldn't be on the same day if there are 4 years difference.

BabyGanoush Wed 09-Dec-15 19:54:33

Get them both the Healys, your younger DD might be motivated to learn to tie her shoe laces (she's the right age for laces)

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