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AIBU to think this is part of being a parent.

(57 Posts)
Cutecat78 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:45:35

DD is 16, she has two jobs (as well as 6th form) and tonight is one of those jobs Christmas Meal. They are paying for it, she's quite looking forward to it and I am quite proud of how hard she works.

She normally gets the bus to work as its a 20 min drive (1 hour bus journey) and in the middle of nowhere.

She asked me a few days ago if I would collect her from the meal at 10.30 tonight and she would get the bus there, which I agreed as would prefer to drive her as its late and dark and in a country village.

I texted OH (working away not DDs dad) having a bit of a moan about having to go out and get her later and he said tell her to get a cab or give you petrol money. I was a bit hmmshock as I figure while I might grumble about it giving lifts like this occasionally is part and parcel of being a parent.

I think my pissed offness is compounded by the fact that he is currently banned from driving and I have been spending a considerable amount of my time driving him around so he can see his DDs angry

winterswan Wed 09-Dec-15 18:48:06


I don't know about part and parcel of being a parent but I think part of being a decent human being is that you treat other decent human beings decently, especially those related to you or friends with you smile

BabyGanoush Wed 09-Dec-15 18:50:37

Well, I hope you charge HIM petrol money then wink

He sounds a bit mean

Leelu6 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:51:08

YANBU. Next time he asks for a lift ask him to get a cab or pay you petrol money.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 09-Dec-15 18:52:29

You are very restrained to not txt back that at least the only reason she can't drive is because she is too young....

Domino777 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:53:01

Why isn't he using public transport to see his DD's?

It fine and kind to collect your DD tonight. She works hard and is obviously a credit to you.

creativevoid Wed 09-Dec-15 18:53:55

I don't blame you one bit for being annoyed. Your DD sounds lovely and hardworking and why wouldn't you give her a lift to make her life a bit easier? Is he normally this harsh to his DDs or just expects you to be that way to yours?

Cutecat78 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:54:16

He does use public transport - it's a long way for the kids so I meet them an hour away.

Leeds2 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:54:16

I think most parents would go and pick their 16 year old up, if they were able to do so.

cosytoaster Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:20

YANBU - 2 jobs as well as 6th form is great and she more than deserves a lift back (I'd be tempted to take her there as well). Your OH does sound mean.

ingeniousidiot Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:25

Is it a self inflicted ban? or medical? If it is the former, then I'm with Leelu6!!

Justbatteringon Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:35

I agree with PP next time he asks to be taken anywhere say you've been thinking about what he said and he just just grab a cab or give you petrol money.

GreenTomatoJam Wed 09-Dec-15 18:55:49

YANBU - I actually enjoy the occasional drive with just one kid so we can have a chat.

Cab would be an option, but it's just nice, and kind (let alone parently) to go and get her - especially since she sounds like she really does work hard.

Cutecat78 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:56:08


VelvetSpoon Wed 09-Dec-15 18:56:25

I posted about something similar recently (picking my DS up from work) although it was a slightly different situation in that it was my bf picking DS up as I don't drive - and it's a lot shorter journey. Opinions were pretty divided, lots of people thought he should have gone and got him (even though DS could have walked home in 25 mins anyway, and of course bf is not his dad, or even a stepdad - we don't yet live together etc).

I think in your situation though, it's a little different as it's a further journey, and it's you as the parent doing the collecting - in your position I'd probably do the same as you.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 09-Dec-15 18:57:10

Of course is fine, but maybe he took from your moaning that you were asking for alternatives?

vvviola Wed 09-Dec-15 18:58:13

While I still lived at home (into my 20s) the rule was that if it was easy to get public transport home I should, and I could arrange lifts in advance otherwise. There was also a "rule" that if I got stuck somewhere any time of day or night I should call.

I happened to mention it at dinner at my DPs this weekend. DDad just shrugged and mumbled "same still applies love" fgrin

So YANBU at all, and even my DDad agrees and I'm in my 30s now

BlueMoonRising Wed 09-Dec-15 18:59:50

YANBU to think this is part of being a parent. BUT

If I read this correctly.

He was responding to you moaning about having to go out. So maybe he was just trying to resolve that part of YOUR issue.

So YABU to be pissed off with him, when you started this off by moaning in the first place.

TeenAndTween Wed 09-Dec-15 19:00:00

Sweeping generalisation here, but men solve problems. You moaning at him may have been taken to mean 'here is a problem to be solved', not just having a gentle moan.

Seeyounearertime Wed 09-Dec-15 19:02:28

I texted OH (working away not DDs dad) having a bit of a moan about having to go out and get her later

If you'd txt him moaning and he replied what you say it sounds more like he's just backing you up rather than being mean?

Imagine saying it in real life and not by txt,
"I have to go out and get Grettle later and I just want to relax"
"Tell her to grab a cab then, or tell her to pay you" said with a smile.

But obviously, you should go get her. grin

Jw35 Wed 09-Dec-15 19:02:41

You had a moan, he tried to fix your problem as men do! He obviously doesn't understand the importance of a good moan grin

beelover Wed 09-Dec-15 19:04:24

I would be giving her a lift both ways too, she sounds like a lovely girl. Surely when you live in the country its a given that as a parent you will be running DC's around a lot as there isn't much public transport.

Cutecat78 Wed 09-Dec-15 19:05:40

We don't live in the country - the job is rural.

passmethewineplease Wed 09-Dec-15 19:06:03

Tbf it sounds as if he was trying to make your issue go away. Maybe he didn't know you were sounding off?

Boomingmarvellous Wed 09-Dec-15 19:15:56

I think you are both unreasonable. Why on earth would you resent picking your lovely sounding daughter up and keeping her safe?

As for you OH telling her to pay for petrol money, he deserves his balls ripping off.

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