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AIBU?

To listen to DH and lie to people about my black eye?

106 replies

SummerNights1986 · 09/12/2015 10:00

So, I have a black eye. Nice, noticeable shiner which has come up overnight and doesn't cover with make up.

I, quite literally, walked into a door. Yesterday afternoon about 2pm - was rushing around, ran upstairs, went into the bathroom and as I opened the door it kind of sprung back against my foot (which was in the way) and smacked me in the face . Hard...enough to make me cry.

I was off work yesterday, and today, with a stomach bug...so won't be seeing anyone today so no one 'knows' yet.

Dh asked me this morning what i'm going to tell people about my eye when I go back to work tomorrow. I kind of at him and said i'd tell people I hit my face on a door, what else?

He was horror struck and is of the opinion that I'll have to think of some other reason to tell people that's 'more believable'...because as soon as I turn up with a black eye and say the clichéd fatal words 'I walked into a door', people are going to think he did it. Especially considering the fact that I've been closeted in the house for two days with a 'stomach bug'...people will add 2 and 2 and make 5.

I hadn't considered it until he said it and I would love to say he was bu. But i'm starting to think he has a point. People are a suspicious bunch and love a gossip and potential scandal and walking into a door is the oldest lie in the book. Dh and I are happy, no problems or issues or arguments whatsoever (plus he's not a scumbag which everyone is aware of)...but since when did that stop people from judging and gossiping and leaping to conclusions.

Should I lie? Make up some amusing, slightly ridiculous story about...I don't know...putting shelves up and dropping one on my face? My mums dog bouncing up and hitting me? I have all day to think about it!

AIBU?

OP posts:

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BabyGanoush · 09/12/2015 10:03

Most people are bad liars.

I have done similar and just said what happened (walked into a fucking door). People know DH and me and would not jump to conclusions I am sure (and if they do, so what)

Creating a long convoluted amusing story .... Won't wash

Unless you are an acomplished liar (like I say, most people are not)

OnMyShoulders · 09/12/2015 10:03

Don't lie. Who cares what they think? It's the truth!

ajandjjmum · 09/12/2015 10:04

Tell the truth - followed by 'this is the truth - DH hasn't been beating me up' with a smile. People gossip if something is being hidden, so be upfront.

Diggum · 09/12/2015 10:05

"You should see the other guy" is what I used when I got a shiner in an identical manner to you in the past.

Then I laughingly explained that I did actually, honest to God, LITERALLY walk into a door- perhaps followed by your husband's concerns as to how that explanation would be received.

It's a pain in the arse but I found lighthearted was the best approach and leave them to it after that.

Pitufina · 09/12/2015 10:08

I don't think you should make up a different story. If they choose not to believe you then it's their problem, you know the truth. I can see why he suggested it but I don't think there's a need. You could also (in a humorous way) mention what a cliché it is that you walked into a door as part of explaining what happened. If I had to lie about how I hurt myself it would probably be too obvious and people would wonder what really happened.

SummerNights1986 · 09/12/2015 10:09

Baby - I am a fairly accomplished liar so i'm pretty certain I could pull off whatever story I told people.

Not that I ever really lie about important things. But dh, who knows me better than anyone else, has commented many times over the years (in a jokey way) that it's scary how well I can tell a barefaced lie. About surprises I've arranged, about a worrying work situation I had last year that I didn't want him to know about because he was dealing with his own bad situation at the time. Stuff like that.

OP posts:

Blacktealeaves · 09/12/2015 10:09

Don't lie, it will come out and look more suspicious.
Diggum's approach is a good one.

Enkopkaffetak · 09/12/2015 10:10

Dh did give me a black eye when we were first dating. He was having a nightmare and hit out his fist straight into my eye. (quite a way to wake up I am telling you - he was mortified)

I told the truth. Dh did it. Usually people got a horrified gasp but then would laugh once they were told the truth. For years dh would be asked by his friends if I was still sleeping in the same bed as him.

So I would advocate the truth. However yes I would add something like " dh hasn't been beating me up" with a big smile.

RoboticSealpup · 09/12/2015 10:12

If you lie, then you're lying. That's fling to come across as more suspicious than telling a strange but true story. People can actually tell the difference and they may be even more likely to gossip.

KeepOnMoving1 · 09/12/2015 10:12

Something similar happened to me recently. I actually felt bad to say to people I walked into a door because everyone would think 'yeah right' and think it was my dh. But then people who do know him well enough knew he would do anything like that, and that's who I bothered about so just told the truth.

RoboticSealpup · 09/12/2015 10:14

Also, it's a funny story. (Sorry! )

Furiosa · 09/12/2015 10:14

Oh I know this feeling all too well. I manage to give myself a black eye about once a year. The latest was caused by a blocked sinus! The one before that DS poked me in the eye, before that I walked sideways into one of those wall mounted fire alarm box thingys.

I agree they are embarrassing but don't lie about what happened. It was an accident, people will understand.

SummerNights1986 · 09/12/2015 10:16

I feel sorry for DH, he's a bit panic-struck about it!

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2015 10:16

I would just add the detail that it was the bathroom door, and because of the stomach bug you weren't well or paying attention properly. Totally believable, don't over think it!

Hellochicken · 09/12/2015 10:18

If anything saying you "walked into a door" is probably the last lie you would tell if you were really trying to hide that you had been subject to DV. So ironically it probably sounds more believable than the lie you might make up.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/12/2015 10:19

Don't lie - if you are the least bit uncomfortable about it people will misinterpret your edginess. Accidents do happen. People do speculate. If someone takes you aside and kindly asks if there's anything else going on, you can tell them what you told us.

sashh · 09/12/2015 10:19

Sorry to say this but some people will think this so no point telling a lie.

I had a car door caught in a gust of wind hit me just under my eye and the next day I had a shiner - people kept giving my male friend evil looks.

If you do lie a vomit related incident might be best - you had a bucket at hte side of the bed and caught your eye on bedside table?

1frenchfoodie · 09/12/2015 10:20

Don't lie. Even the daftest truth is better than lying and potentially looking shifty and casting doubt in people's minds. The only black eye I ever had was also from walking into a door (half open bedroom door in dark of the night) and from others' stories sound as though it is more common than you'd think.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 09/12/2015 10:24

Don't lie.

It really pisses me off that when a woman accidentally gets a black eye people will just assume her husband/partner did it. But if a man accidentally got a black eye then people would laugh at him and not even contemplate it being his wife/partner.

SummerNights1986 · 09/12/2015 10:24

I am surprised at how many people on this thread have done similar 1french

I felt like such an idiot (once i'd stopped crying that is). I thought walking into a door was one of those mythical excuses that people use but that it never really happens iyswim? Apparently it's not just me!

OP posts:

Saukko · 09/12/2015 10:27

Just tell the truth. It doesn't matter, no one will believe you anyway.

I went into work with a sports injury to the face - cracked nose, two black eyes. I was quite proud of my battle scars and thought nothing of it, but people were horrified I'd even dared leave the house and inflicted my face on them, and a manager pulled me aside for 'a talk' about my home life, which I was rather offended by.

TeaFathers · 09/12/2015 10:29

i wouldn't lie. at least a shiner will fade.

when i was 22 i walked into the kitchen door which DM had helpfully left wide open in the dark. god, it was so sore. i was seeing stars.

but the result was unfortunately worse and more long term.
i was left with a horrible large round mark of broken veins near the tip of my nose. it was bright, BRIGHT red and incredibly, screamingly noticeable without make up. in fat make up wouldn't fully hide it. it was too red for that.
i had to bring concealer everywhere with me because the mark would show through make up even more after a few hours.
i can see it when i look back on old photos.
it ruined my face, broke my heart, and wrecked my confidence and is the reason i hardly had a boyfriend at that time.
i had it for most of my 20s and half my 30s before it eventually faded.
i'm amazed it faded on its own but it did take over a decade for that to happen.

so the don't lie about your shiner and be glad it isn't worse.

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MsButteryMash · 09/12/2015 10:30

I guess the "walked into a door" cliche arose because it does actually happen!

I'd say something like "I am such a klutz, I got my foot stuck in the door and bashed myself in the face" rather than the actual "walked into a door" phrase. Then something like "DH is worried people will think it was him, the poor love."

What a PITA, getting an accidental black eye and having to find the right form of words to reassure people that you are not making up a cover story about DV. There's something ironic in there somewhere!

Sgtmajormummy · 09/12/2015 10:31

I once fainted in the bathroom (heatstroke) and hit my forehead on the corner of the shower. It could have been much worse but the blood pooled down into my eye socket and gave me a lovely black eye.

I wore sunglasses most of the time while it was healing but the looks DH got whenever I took them off told a thousand words. I remember one particularly withering look from an obviously off-duty Navy Seal guy ( we were living in a Navy town at the time).

People sometimes assume the worst. Leave them to it. The ones that matter (family and workmates) need to be told the truth and take you at your word.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 09/12/2015 10:32

Don't lie. Truth is always better.

DH one broke my finger when we were "play fighting" - joke wrestling in the kitchen, and once I got concussion when we were extremely pissed and dancing, he was "twirling" me and I fell. Both times I told the truth - even though they were genuine accidents DH felt awful. We have stopped drinking and play fighting now

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