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To give a present to one child and not the other

(95 Posts)
TopHat33 Tue 08-Dec-15 18:38:05

Im going to visit an old friend before Christmas - we've known each other a long time, exchange birthday and Christmas presents and meet up about once a year (live opposite ends of the country).

I have no children and she has two - a three year old DD and 11 month old DS. I have a little gift I'd love to give to her DD but don't really see anything the DS would want or need. AIBU to just give the present to her DD who will be excited by it?? It's just a small thing but I'm worried that 'I'm visiting before Christmas and here's a wrapped gift for you and one for DD' will make her think I'm ignoring her baby (I sent a card and gift when he was born). I obvs don't buy for her DH either. I'm not trying to be - and really don't want to look - mean...Im sure when DS is older I'll spot something he'd like to and I love giving gifts to small children - but don't really see the point for babies and don't want and can't afford to spend money just for the sake of it.

BrianButterfield Tue 08-Dec-15 18:39:40

Hmm..I'd be inclined to bring something small like a bag of chocolate coins or something for the baby. Even if they get eaten by the DD it's the thought that counts! A couple of pairs of socks, a Christmas bib...there are plenty of things that are only a couple of pounds.

Spilose Tue 08-Dec-15 18:40:33

I think it will look tight and inconsiderate. Just buy a token gift, some xmas PJ's or a soft toy or something.

Sparkletastic Tue 08-Dec-15 18:41:48

A gift for both children or neither would be more polite.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Tue 08-Dec-15 18:42:27

You can't give a gift to one child and not the other. It should be both, or none. If it's just a small thing for the daughter, why can't it be a small thing (that won't break the bank) for the little boy? You can get very inexpensive things for that age group.

Perhaps suggest to your friend that you stop giving each other gifts.

Fevertree Tue 08-Dec-15 18:42:33

Agree that a small token gift is the best way to go. Christmas bib fab idea! Primark and matalan sell them for a couple of quid.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 08-Dec-15 18:42:48

11 months isn't really a 'baby' baby. They will notice if you give them something.

patienceisvirtuous Tue 08-Dec-15 18:42:49

Pop into card factory and get a xmas cuddly toy for £3

Dogsmom Tue 08-Dec-15 18:43:04

I think you should buy something even if it's a tube of milky buttons or a little tshirt from sainsburys (25% off at the moment), you're clearly uneasy about it and for the sake of a couple of quid you can visit with a clear conscience.

I've got a toddler and a baby and would think it odd if a friend bought for one and not the other.

cuntycowfacemonkey Tue 08-Dec-15 18:43:14

I agree you should get him something even if it's something very small and cheap. Both my dc's were given a christmas tree decoration with their name on for their first christmas so maybe something along those lines.

lanbro Tue 08-Dec-15 18:43:16

You can't not take something for the youngest and not look mean. Astounded you would think that's ok actually! Get him a board book for a couple of pounds but don't go with nothing.

TurnOffTheTv Tue 08-Dec-15 18:43:58

Oh goodness I would buy something, just for a fiver. It would look odd if you turned up with a present for one and not the other.

Narp Tue 08-Dec-15 18:43:58

Just get something little for the baby. You can get lovely little books for a very small amount of money. Go to any chemist and you can get little bath toys etc. It need not cost money. The baby won't notice, but the DD will, and you might be helping her little brother is part of the family

Narp Tue 08-Dec-15 18:44:14

much money

cuntycowfacemonkey Tue 08-Dec-15 18:44:15

Or a little picture book?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 08-Dec-15 18:44:42

Chriatmas beaker/cup? 3 year old will notice!

Narp Tue 08-Dec-15 18:44:50

helping her accept that her brother is part of the family

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Tue 08-Dec-15 18:47:35

Its mean! Get something second hand a little hard book if you have too for 20p, but dont go empty handed. Or as PP said a little beaker with a reindeer or something on it, a christmas bowl! A little bib....festive.

SushiAndTheBanshees Tue 08-Dec-15 18:48:21

Sounds like the issue is that you know what the 3yo would like, and have no clue re the 11mo and don't want to waste money on something useless.

At 11mo the baby will like the box or bag that whatever you get him comes in. Make it about the packaging, doesn't matter what's inside.

sweetsomethings Tue 08-Dec-15 18:48:40

Can't believe you would ever think it would be ok to get one and not the other

Leelu6 Tue 08-Dec-15 18:49:23

YANBU. Going against the grain here, but I have given a 5 year old a gift and nothing to the 1 year old. I didn't feel bad about it all, the parents and the 5 year old were chuffed and the 1 year old had no clue what was happening!

iwantanewcar Tue 08-Dec-15 18:50:12

You could always put £5 in an envelope and say to mum that you weren't sure what she had for DS and the enclosed to be used as they see fit for savings, small gift or contribution towards a larger gift.

TopHat33 Tue 08-Dec-15 18:50:33

Ok! Thanks all - that's really helpful as has made it clear to me! Will definitely get a little something for the little boy (not baby). Thanks Mumsnet.

waitingforsomething Tue 08-Dec-15 18:50:43

Yabu. Just get them a bib or a cuddly toy. I would feel sorry for my baby ds if someone only got something for my older dd

Pancake2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 18:50:50

£1 for a tube of milky buttons. They can be wrapped too rather than a packet.
If you cant afford a £1 gift, then dont give the other child anything either.

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