My DD (9) was recently in her dance show MIL point blankly refused to come stating too far to drive - I offered her our spare room was told she's too old to stay over at peoples houses! I pointed out there are hotels within 5 min walk of venue (they are not poor and go to hotels at least once a month) again no she is too old to sit through a dance show - my own mum managed it who is the same age.
I have now found out they are driving to the South coast (from north) to see my niece in her show.
My DD is hurt by this and as far as I can see her excuse for not coming (the drive) is obviously an excuse.
She uses her age all the time as an excuse not to do things - she is only early 70s and in good health.
DH will never say anything to her to upset her and just goes along with her excuses but this time DD is hurt. but not sure what I can do/say!
AIBU?
MIL
sotired2 · 08/12/2015 12:53
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Is it compulsory to go to these things? 
if someone tried to force me to go to something like that I wouldn't out of pure stubbornness. Yes it would be nice if other family members showed an interest but you can't force them to be.
No, not compulsary. I'd go so far as to say fine not to go and make a polite excuse. But to go to one child and not anothers? That's unkind 
.
I didn't used to invite inlaws to kids dance shows/music concerts on the basis that no one but a parent would want to spend good money to see a lot of wobbly 5 year olds attempting to point a toe. They were most upset and now come to most things but I wouldn't be happy if they came to see ds1 but not ds2.
Oh, sing and be happy. She has offered up the perfect response next time she has the brass neck to complain about the inequity if GP relationships;
Yes, dear. The kids get on far better with the adults who seem to actually like them
Then move on. Support your DH in ignore the Auld Misery more effectively 
" I'm past caring about trying to nurture a relationship between DC and grandparents when grandparents cant make an effort."
I'm so glad to hear that! I honestly think it is damaging to the child to be diddled into thinking someone cares about them, when that someone doesn't . Honesty now about her gran will serve your daughter far better than being set up for future, larger, disappointment.
"The annoying thing is though she gets upset at how close my DC are to my parents - but guess what my parents give the DC attention and don't have a favourite!"
Tough. Your parents enjoy that relationship because they contribute to it. She contributes nothing to her relationship with your daughter. I hope you are honest with her too, and point out that your DC are as close to her as her indifference to them allows them to be.
I would however continue to invite her to DD's stuff (but without mentioning it to DD) purely for the pleasure of rubbing it in to her when she declines that it is her choice to limit her relationship with DD (but I'm vindictive that way). Should she actually bother her arse to come, it could be a nice surprise for DD.
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