Already feel U about this but it's driving me mad!!!

[Jenpip]

As the title suggests, im already feeling U about this, but keen to receive tips...

I moved into a new house 2 months ago. Terraced. A sweet old lady lives alone next door but has fantastic family who pop in on her daily, sometimes more. She's great for her age and can get about, etc, no obvious care issues apart from just being a bit frail and elderly.

I live with my DH and I am early stage pg with first baby. Haven't even told family yet as it's so soon and I'm not showing. We moved from London to a town 2 hours from London. We still commute into London (DH works there 4 days out of 5, with one day from home and I work from home 3 days out of 5).

The problem is that she is constantly popping round asking if I want to have coffee. My lounge is at the front of the house and she can obviously see my on my laptop where I work from the sofa. Genuinely haven't had a free weekend since I moved in so haven't been able to pop in on her yet and evenings are understandably busy as we often don't get home until 8pm on the days we're in London. Other evenings are taken up with the usual.

I always wave and say hello when I see her and I have explained that I work from home during the day and today I said I would pop in at the weekend for a coffee.

How do I stop this becoming a daily thing??!!! She's always popping round during the week and I always tell her I'm wfh!!! I want to be a nice neighbor

[Sharingnicely]

YANBU. I can understand why that's annoying - I'm in a similar situation.

But she is also being really nice and friendly and this is presumably one of the reasons you moved to that kind of street?

Can you pop over for coffee one day, and then work an extra half hour that evening?

And maybe try to set your own terms - eg bring over a cake once a week, but then say you have a big deadline coming up and can't take any more time off work for a while? Or pop over but already say what time you're leaving: 'I wanted to say hi before I leave for my doctor's appointment/ conference call in half an hour!' If you always have a reason to be there and a reason to leave then it will be obvious that you want to be friendly but you are also quite busy.

[Jenpip]

Thanks sharingnicely. Yes that's a good idea. Perhaps I'm quite antisocial. I hate people just dropping by unannounced. I will pop in on her this weekend. Just don't want to set myself up for regular unscheduled coffee catch ups every 5 mins!

[BillMurrey]

I had a neighbor exactly like this. In the end I set a regular time for coffee. So I would pop round for coffee and a biscuit on a Friday at 11am. I could excuse myself after half an hour or so, and it probably took no longer than my normal break. Very occasionally she would come to mine (very doddery on her pins, so not often).

I got pregnant with my first shortly after this started (we had only just moved in too), and it continued for about 4 years until my second child started to get a bit mobile. DC1 was very good at sitting still (especially where biscuits were involved) and would happily sit looking a book or playing quietly while we had a chat and coffee. However dc2 was, and still is, like tigger and not interested in books or biscuits but in running and shouting; the coffee mornings eventually stopped.

We moved soon after, but I did keep in touch until she died last year aged 102. She was a lovely lady and I still exchange xmas cards with her daughter who is quite elderly herself now