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to expect my friend to make time for me?

(11 Posts)
jcoleville Tue 08-Dec-15 11:52:49

I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or not.

My friend has a disgusting boyfriend (cheats on her constantly) and every time they have an argument I've been there for her, whether its just a chat on the phone or meeting up for food.

I lent her money to pay a bill which she took 2 months to pay me back.

Last week I got home late and she'd text me asking to borrow an outfit for a funeral. I got some things together and drove over to hers, despite its being late and having to get up for work early the next day.

I've been signed off work, I'm at my lowest point. I asked if we would meet up for an evening this week and she said no because shes working too late (7pm) and getting up too early this month.

I don't expect anyone to drop everything for me and be there when I click my fingers.

But when I've been there so much for someone and they turn their back on my when i needed them the most ... just makes me feel worse.

Nabootique Tue 08-Dec-15 11:54:37

It doesn't sound like friendship to me, to be honest, and I don't mean your part in it. It should be a two way street and it sounds like you have been very supportive and she has taken advantage of you. I'd drop her to be honest.

Sorry for your troubles and I hope you feel better soon.

squoosh Tue 08-Dec-15 11:55:19

She benefits a lot from your 'friendship' but ask yourself what you get out of this?

She's a taker.

jcoleville Tue 08-Dec-15 11:56:28

Thank you Nabootique

I guess I just feel her excuse is a weak one.

We all work long hours and get tired. It doesn't stop me being there for my friend if they are in desperate need sad

Movingonmymind Tue 08-Dec-15 11:56:53

That's tough, OP. She does sound selfish to say the least. I think best not to expect things too much from other people especially in terms of counting favours etc, however unfair that might be. How much is her friendship worth to you? Is she a fun friend you can distance yourself from a little but still see but give less of self to? Think you need to think what you can accept from her as she is, sadly.
I've had friends like this, some I've reconciled myself with accepting as selfish gits at times. Others to let go completely.

Nabootique Tue 08-Dec-15 11:58:12

Well, quite, and being signed off is a big deal, she could definitely give you a couple of hours for a chat/meal/drink/whatever if she was finishing at 7. It is a weak excuse. Is she someone who is rather wrapped up in herself all of the time?

Damselindestress Tue 08-Dec-15 12:00:01

Does she know what you are going through? If so and she is not willing to be supportive when you have been so helpful to her, it sounds like time to take a step back from the friendship. Definitely stop being so available for her, you have to put yourself first.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 08-Dec-15 14:33:33

Ynbu. It sounds pretty much all one sided, if you ask me.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 08-Dec-15 15:10:19

I would drop her, it looks like she is using you, she is taking and not giving in the friendship.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 08-Dec-15 15:10:43

Start saying no to her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 08-Dec-15 15:13:47

Yes. Next time she has a row with her boyfriend or finds out he's chested again, and needs your shoulder. Tell her you're bathing the cat and ironing your shoe laces.
I mean if she has to work she has to work I guess but surley she can spare 5 minutes on the phone

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