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To be ever so slightly cross at this mum at DD's school?

(84 Posts)
Farandole Mon 07-Dec-15 22:55:49

A mum at DD's school has just had a baby. It is customary around here for mums at school to have a collection and give a 'class present' to the new baby (entirely optional of course; £2-3 suggested). I offered to make the collection and buy a present and card, which will be given on behalf of the whole class (regardless of whether a girl's parents contributed or not).

I just got an email from one of the mums, cc'ing whole class, announcing she had intended to buy her own present, but since I'm doing a whip around she will contribute £5 (I.e more than suggested amount). However, she then went on to say that the baby doesn't need anything as she's the youngest of siblings, therefore I should use the money either to get flowers for the mum, or buy her a spa day or gift vouchers.

AIBU to think that mum is cheeky and rude? I doubt I will collect over £50, which isn't enough for a spa day, seems a waste of money on flowers and I just don't feel comfortable giving gift vouchers except to my staff/young relatives. For all I know this couple may be extremely wealthy - it seems odd and meaningless giving what may be token money for them.

The mum's email just feels interfering to me. I'm half tempted to write back and suggest she uses her £5 to buy a separate spa day/gift voucher, while the rest of us buy something for the baby grin. (of course I won't do that.)

spillyobeans Mon 07-Dec-15 23:00:22

I would buy a gift voucher for mothercare or something or a baby gift tbh

UmbongoUnchained Mon 07-Dec-15 23:02:01

It sounds like she may have spoken to the mum, and the mum has said she doesn't need anything for the baby and would prefer something for herself? I know I would prefer something for myself. Mum are often forgotten about once the baby is born.

Keeptrudging Mon 07-Dec-15 23:03:10

Just ignore her, she's obviously having a mini power-struggle. Stick to your original plan. I agree re flowers (they don't last), and if she's got 4 children when the heck will she be able to go on a spa day?

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 07-Dec-15 23:04:47

Sounds like she's just trying to suggest something nice. I think you're being a bit unfair to her and making an issue out of nothing, to be honest.

Cardboxed Mon 07-Dec-15 23:05:08

This sounds like a nightmare. Why did you volunteer in the first place?

Domino777 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:06:15

Plant is better then flowers. However vouchers are even better!

DeltaZeta Mon 07-Dec-15 23:11:30

She sounds a bit heavy handed but honestly, vouchers do sound like a good idea. If they baby has siblings then they are probably OK for clothes and other essentials. What were you planning to get? Unless you know her very well, it's likely you'll end up spending money on something she neither needs nor wants. Maybe get vouchers with most of the cash and then use the rest to get something for the mum?

WanderingTrolley1 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:13:56

I think a treat for the new mum would be received very well.

Paddletonio Mon 07-Dec-15 23:14:42

Just do vouchers

bonzo77 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:16:09

Vouchers for somewhere she could treat herself or the baby: I'd go for John Lewis. Nice baby stuff but also high end cosmetics, skin care and clothes for mum.

Mmmmcake123 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:16:38

Interfering sod! If she is so precious about the gift she should have organised the collection herself!
She may just be trying to be helpful but she could have emailed you directly rather than cc'ing to look for support after you have put the effort in.
Now it's public I suppose you will have to chat to other donors and get opinions.
The argument that she has children already doesn't sit with me as all mumslove new things for their lovely new individuals, I think anyway.
Spa day pffff no time

Out of interest, what were you planning on buying for the baby?

MarmaladeBasedProtectionRacket Mon 07-Dec-15 23:22:18

I would file this under "ignore" and carry on with what I was planning to do.

If she wants to spend time chasing everyone's contributions and then go out and buy something, then she can control what is bought, otherwise forget it. If she doesn't agree with what your plans are she can do her own thing as originally intended.

I work so I was always very appreciative of the mums who organized class gifts - I sent my contribution in, they bought the gift, my child signed the card - so easy for me, so I certainly didn't interfere with their choice of gift. There was no pressure to contribute if you didn't want to or couldn't.

Puffpastry1 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:29:49

I hate this all "chip in" thing. Everyone is entitled to give what they want.. YABU. You shouldnt have got involved in the first place. Why did you?

Enkopkaffetak Mon 07-Dec-15 23:30:36

As a mother of 4 I LOVED it when people gave dd3 (my 4th) outfits as it meant she was not completely in hand me downs. I feel thats important.

Bakeoffcake Mon 07-Dec-15 23:31:09

Contributing a whole extra £2 to the kitty doesn't give her the right to tell everyone what to do. Cheeky cow!

You say it's tradition for you to buy something for the baby so that's want you should do.

WyrdByrd Mon 07-Dec-15 23:31:59

I can see it from both angles tbh.

How about some chocs and nice hand cream for mum, and a voucher for a pottery place so they can go and do baby's footprints when they feel up to it?

Bakeoffcake Mon 07-Dec-15 23:32:43

Why are people asking the OP why she "got involved"[comfused]

Someone's got to organise it. It ain't going to happen by magic.

Puffpastry1 Mon 07-Dec-15 23:35:56

I never take part in whip rounds. I either give or I dont on my own terms.

Cressandra Mon 07-Dec-15 23:36:25

Sit back for a couple of days and see if others chime in to agree. If they don't (and i suspect they won't), go with the norm.

JL vouchers are a great idea as can be spent on expensive bits for her, or nice things for the baby, or maybe even on cake in the cafe!

ThruUlikeAshortcut Mon 07-Dec-15 23:43:46

JL vouchers can be spent in Waitrose too on wine or vodka

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive Mon 07-Dec-15 23:43:50

She's buying her own present so it sounds like she is friends with the Mum. I suspect that she may well be passing on something she has heard from the mother. If the Mum is drowning with unneeded gifts and doesn't want another plastic toy or outfit which will be worn once then I can understand why she would tell you that. You might think flowers are a waste of money, but they're a lot less of a waste than buying something unwanted.

Suggesting a Spa was a bit presumptuous, but I would take her advice on board re not buying something for the baby.

Atthebottomofthegarden Mon 07-Dec-15 23:46:46

I think I would probably ask if anyone else has views on what to get and see what happens... Though no response is the norm for our class!

I cried when my DH bought me spa vouchers just after DD was born. He was trying to be kind but just hadn't thought it through. I was breast feeding every 2-3 hrs, leaking between feeds, she wouldn't take a bottle, I was completely shattered, and the idea of wearing a sw costume in public ever again was ridiculous. So all in all not very compatible with a spa day!

ClancyMoped Tue 08-Dec-15 00:12:14

Blimey, I've never heard of class whip rounds for new babies. confused Is this a thing now?

I'd go ahead and buy a little gift. A baby blanket or a little toy. Presumably the original aim of the whip round was to get a little something for the new baby. How much do you usually raise?

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