To wonder if a new mattress might solve my back problems?

[Fourarmsv2]

When I sleep with DH I get terrible backache. I'm OK when he's away (4 nights out of 7). He gets very cross at the idea of separate beds never mind separate rooms so I might try a new mattress first.

Any recommendations? How do you know if you prefer soft or firm?

[NeedMoreSleepOrSugar]

Go to a showroom and try some out? What changes when DH is home? Does the mattress sag? With a bad back you'll probably prefer a firmer mattress - I'd highly recommend a spiral/sprung mattress with memory foam, but everyone's different!

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Also, how old is your current mattress? I think they're not meant to last more than 8 yrs IIRC.

[ChinaSorrows]

I'm thinking the same.
My DH works shifts. When he's not there I think the mattress is more "supportive"
It is/was a good mattress though.

What's the lifespan on a decent mattress?

[Fourarmsv2]

I'm not sure ours was great when we bought it TBH. And that was at least 6 years ago 😳

I don't know if it sags when DH is home. He weighs more than me so maybe? I'm a bit scared that I'm tenser in my sleep when he's there and that's what's causing the problem.

Is quality purely down to price or are there bargains to be had?

[ChoclolateOrange]

I bought a mattress and bed in the past year from Bensons for Beds and they were very helpful in my local shop. I was there for ages and they were very patient, and asked loads of questions and made me try loads. I love what I bought and so does my back, so it worked for me, OP.

My guest room mattress is an Ikea one and that gets compliments. I just bought that by choosing the second most expensive sprung mattress as I didnt want to lie around on the beds in Ikea, and I wasnt going to sleep on it myself. It was fine on a quiet day in Bensons.

[katemiddletonsothermum]

You can get mattresses which are two mattresses strapped together to make one double mattress - so essentially you are sleeping on your own single mattress. This might help.

Careful though. We bought a new mattress last year and it's too heavy for our iron bed, so the whole bed started to cave in. We've jacked it up with a car jack which seems to work. Classy.

[Bounced]

I've just bought a new bed (after I'm not sure how many years - 10?) and my back pain has hugely improved. So I'd say it's worth a try. New mattress is much firmer and less lumpy than the old one!

[Junosmum]

Lifespan of a decent mattress is 8ish years. A cheaper one is less.

We invested in a decent mattress last April after both dh and I started with shoulder and hip pain and I can honestly say we've never looked back.

We bought an igel Athena from dreams, it's a combination pocket sprung and memory foam but the memory foam is impregnated with a cooling gel as memory foam can cause you to run a bit hot and I'm a sweaty sleeper anyway.

We didn't intend to spend so much but it was worth it. Neither of us has shoulder pain any more and I only have hip pain due to pregnancy.

[outputgap]

Whether you need a soft, medium or hard bed is down to your and dh's weight. I had a bad back in a medium hard mattress. I have blissful sleep now in a soft (and expensive) mattress. I weigh about 58 kilos, and so i need a soft mattress. Everything else makes my joints and back ache.

It sounds like your mattress may be sagging. Definitely worth looking at a new one.

Mine has changed my life! Can't believe I put up with 10 years of the medium hard!

[Fourarmsv2]

I'm between 10.5-11 stone. But a bit boney so I can feel my hips pressing in to our current mattress. DH is 14 stone.

[Bounced]

That's odd - I'm about the same weight as outputgap and a much firmer (and flatter!) mattress has solved my back pain. So it can't be all about weight.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

We have bought a 4000 pocket sprung firm matress and my back has improved. My chiropractor gave advice.

[outputgap]

Bounced - are you a front, back or side sleeper? If I recall correctly, you need more give in your mattress for side sleeping and less for front sleeping (but look it up, my brain is frazzled!). You basically need your spine to be straight, so get someone to look at you lying on the mattress in your preferred position for sleeping, and if your back is curved, bin it.

[outputgap]

fourarmsv2 if you can feel your hips, I'm guessing it's a buggered mattress and/or too firm for you. I could feel my joints every bloody night. (Still not over dh buying that mattress without me being there, 10 years later!)

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

We upgraded to pocket sprung and memory foam. It is utterly blissfull and waking with an aching back is a thing of the past. DH hates it though; finds it too hot.

My back was always much worse when DS snuggled in with us, so I think you may be right about being less relaxed at night being a problem.

[Fourarmsv2]

I'm either a side or front sleeper.

Slept alone last night and I'm not doubled over with pain today!

Will go shopping next weekend.

[Bounced]

I'm a side sleeper mostly, and I like to curl up. Really firm with one pillow seems optimal for me.

[Artandco]

I'm around 50 kilos. We have a really firm bed which is super super comfortable, has 12,000 springs.

[Paintedhandprints]

100 times yes! Buy a decent mattress and do your research. Our spare bed mattress is so much comfier for both me and dh than our kingsize mattress. Can't remember the difference, dh thought he had bought similar but the memory foam on top seems to create an uncomfortable hole rather than mould round me. Hmm, maybe we should buy a new mattress in the Jan sales too...

[listsandbudgets]

Phew.

I misread that as "a new mistress" and only came on the thread out of sheer curiosity. The reality is relatively boring.

But in answer to your original question YANBU

[Janeymoo50]

Do you sleep in the middle when alone? (I do). I used to suffer terribly but got a memory foam mattress, it's amazing. You can also get mattress toppers too that may help.

[Skiptonlass1]

We just spent a small fortune on a new bed and it's fabulous. My side is rock hard, his is medium and it's the size of the Serengeti.

Absolutely go try some. Get a pocket sprung mattress NOT a tempur one. Lie on it to see how it feels. Personally I like a really hard mattress with a nice squidgy topper on it. Your back will thank you ..,

[MatildaTheCat]

Mattress, yes but is the base firm as well? Our old IKEA bed had wooden slats which began to sag which also made the mattress sag and is inevitably worse with two people in the bed.

We replaced the whole bed. Dh insisted on a firm mattress which made my whole body ache so we then ended up with an expensive topper it's a bit like the princess and the pea in our house.

Then I injured my back and have never recovered. I don't blame any of the above.

[Fourarmsv2]

We have a wooden bed with wooden slats... Will check for sagginess at the weekend :)

I don't think I sleep in the middle. Not sure about memory foam.. Don't like soft mattresses. May go for the IKEA 90 day trials??

lists&budgets my title was going to be 'will a new mattress save my marriage' in which case mistress would have been a fabulous typo!

[outputgap]

You super firm people are weird.