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ExMIL criticising my income

(65 Posts)
frillybiscuits Mon 07-Dec-15 19:57:25

I'm 30 weeks pg and my exMIL has messaged me criticising the fact that I'm going to receive £50 income support a week which will be backdated from when I left work so will be around £500. I'll get the sure start maternity grant soon (£500) for my remaining baby things. I'll also get a fair amount of money from family members for baby (not requested but have been told I'll be given it). So I'll have a lump sum of £2000 come after Christmas. I mentioned it to exOH, we're on good enough terms. I imagine it he told her about it.

She said I should be providing for my own child instead of using the government and family members, and that I should be ashamed of myself. I left full time work at 22 weeks pg due to illness, it being a zero hour contract and health and safety. I can't get maternity leave pay due to that. I'll be going back to work full time when baby is a year old since I'll be a single mother. This woman hasn't bought anything for what is going to be her first grandchild and generally just doesn't care about me or my unborn daughter. Her good for nothing son hasn't bought a damn thing either so I don't know how she expects me to get everything for my child. AIBU to think she doesn't have the right to criticise me?

mrsmugoo Mon 07-Dec-15 19:59:56

It's absolutely none of her business. You should have just kept it to yourself anyway - why do you discuss your finances with your ex's mum anyway?

Baconyum Mon 07-Dec-15 20:03:07

I'm assuming ex oh and baby's father the same person? If so then him not contributing is not good enough at all! Have you sorted maintenance for when baby born? Agree its none of her business beyond the fact she's raised an irresponsible twat for a son!

frillybiscuits Mon 07-Dec-15 20:03:15

I mentioned it to exOH whilst talking about what I've got left to buy our daughter. I blocked her number after receiving the message. It's made me feel quite shitty because obviously I want to provide for my daughter the best I can but exOH has kind of left me in the lurch. She probably wanted to make me feel like crap because that's what kind of person she is sad

SanityClause Mon 07-Dec-15 20:03:33

None of her business.

Can you block her from whatever method she used to message you?

ImperialBlether Mon 07-Dec-15 20:03:35

Make that the last time you tell your ex anything personal.

Block this woman so she can't get in touch with you again. She sounds dreadful.

SanityClause Mon 07-Dec-15 20:03:58

Oh, X post.

SaucyJack Mon 07-Dec-15 20:04:09

Look, some people are poisonous arseholes who like to piss all over other people for the sheer joy.

Your ex-MIL is one of them. Stop expecting her to act like a decent person who's interested in her new grandchild and get on with your life.

Block her number/Facefuck account as well.

frillybiscuits Mon 07-Dec-15 20:06:03

I'll have to go down the CSA route once baby is born because I doubt he will contribute willingly. Things were going really well but his mother got jealous when we got engaged and turned him against me by convincing him that our daughter isn't his and that I've cheated on him. He's demanding a paternity test when she's born which he expects me to pay for. I just wish I didn't draw the short straw when it comes to PIL's

ToadsforJustice Mon 07-Dec-15 20:06:18

Stop discussing your finances with your ex. Don't tell him anything about you or your baby, as it will go straight back to his DM.

frillybiscuits Mon 07-Dec-15 20:08:03

We tried very hard to conceive and I had a fair few miscarriages. She claimed the baby can't possibly be his because we suddenly conceived a seemingly healthy baby

Finola1step Mon 07-Dec-15 20:09:30

Look at it this way, you are learning very quickly that you can not trust your ex to keep your business to himself.

He should be ashamed that he is not yet providing for his unborn child. She should be ashamed that she raised a son who would do that. I know I would be ashamed of my ds if he shirked his responsibilities.

shutupandshop Mon 07-Dec-15 20:09:57

Tell him to fuck off. I
He can pay for test

FellOffMyUnicorn Mon 07-Dec-15 20:09:58

tell her to fuck off to the far side etc!

Ok - sensible head on, do you know how much exOH will be providing for you and his child?

If not, you could mention that you wouldnt have to rely on the government if you had support from her son for his child

Finola1step Mon 07-Dec-15 20:10:58

X post.

The woman is poison. Keep her away from your baby.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 07-Dec-15 20:11:07

You will not have to pay for a DNA test. Go via the CMS let him deny paternity then when he's found to be the dad they will make him pay for it

FellOffMyUnicorn Mon 07-Dec-15 20:11:57

(byw, read the threads re names for the child before you decide on a surname.... )

QueenChippyOik Mon 07-Dec-15 20:12:20

I'd reply "interesting that you're focusing on the support that I'm getting from the government rather than the support I'm not getting from your son".

You could add that the purpose of income support is to avoid children growing up in poverty.

ImperialBlether Mon 07-Dec-15 20:17:30

Tell him you'll pay for the test if it proves he's not the father.

LetGoOrBeDragged Mon 07-Dec-15 20:19:33

Unblock her long enough to send a text telling her to mind her own fucking business. Then block her again.

Him denying paternity could be a blessing in disguise - the perfect opportunity to get shot of the pair of them!

I would want him to drop out, then this poisonous bitch will be nowhere near your child.

QueenChippyOik Mon 07-Dec-15 20:24:07

I'd also tell her that you are stepping up to take on far more than 50% of the financial responsibility which is more than anybody should really have to take on.

QueenChippyOik Mon 07-Dec-15 20:25:55

ps, don't willingly pay for a dna test as this will be taken as 'proof' that there was doubt in your mind about who the father is. You're not in doubt. The doubt is theirs, so let them organise it.

BenguinsMummy Mon 07-Dec-15 20:26:54

She sounds like a total cow bag..... You won't need to pay for the DNA Hun, the CMS will offer him a discount for one provided he pays up front, and when it proves that your daughter is his, then he will be obliged to pay the arrears from the day you had her, he can't avoid providing for her, and there's sweet FA the poisonous witch can do or say about that.....

Good luck Hun flowers

MascaraAndConverse89 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:28:38

What on earth has it got to do with her hmm
I hate benefit bashers. Judgemental swines.

I think it's time my new favourite phrase got an airing:

"Fuck off and mind your own business"

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