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AIBU?

To hate joint presents at Christmas!?!

18 replies

Christmasnut18 · 07/12/2015 18:45

I love Christmas and put a lot of effort into presents each year and this year is no different but following relocation, new house and birth of twins we are seriously skint! So I started planning shopping in July- buying presents in sales, selling loads and car boots etc and finished shopping feeling pretty proud of my efforts considering the budget!

Then last week SIL announces they have bought an amazing present for MIL and we all need to chip in. Amazing present being £400 tablet and everyone needs to contribute £100 per family (dh has 3 siblings). He of course said we have already shopped for her can we not join in, but apparently we are being 'churlish' and it's too late. She goes on to say we all need to contribute £50 each for FIL present.

My husband is snowed under at work and so just paid to keep the peace- but this has meant we are pretty much eating beans until Christmas and can't afford to take the kids on the day out we planned this coming weekend. I haven't complained any more to dh as he has enough on his plate- but they did this last year and thinking it was a one off we just went ahead as I was still working and it wasn't a big deal. The other siblings only have one kid between them, all have high powered London jobs etc and can afford it. I am highly put out also as now his mum has an amazing present and mine gets a nice, but let's face it not a tablet, jumper I got in the sale for £15. They are all spending Christmas at our house as always (more expense!) and it's going to look really crap on Christmas morning while she opens a tablet and half my family have scarves!!!

OP posts:

Report

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2015 18:50

Well you should have said no!

Who gives a fuck about 'churlish'??

Who gives all their money away ?

whois · 07/12/2015 18:54

Jesus Christ just stand up yourself!

"Oh no, wish you had said hat is what you were planning on doing. We have actually already got out gifts sorted so won't be going in on the joint pressie."

End. Of.

Christmasnut18 · 07/12/2015 18:55

Sadly didn't get much say- all was discussed with dh and while he mentioned it to me (and I said no) next thing I know it's been done. Mil has done a lot for us and has had a rough year health wise and as he said she does deserve a lovely present but still!

OP posts:

mintoil · 07/12/2015 18:56

I agree, your anger should be directed at DH who should have told his sister she was too late and you had already bought a present - end of story. If you want to do a joint present you as everyone before you commit to it, not after.

I would be telling his family Christmas would no longer be at yours as you couldn't afford it after this.

mintoil · 07/12/2015 18:57

ask everyone

Christmasnut18 · 07/12/2015 19:05

Yeah mintoil I think fair enough... Probably feel more pissed off he went over my head and did it anyway. He is under so much pressure it's unlike him to just do it without much discussion. I want to talk it out especially as kids missing out now on day out (not that they knew about it) but under so much pressure at work I think it's unfair to give him a massive hard time

OP posts:

Tomo1234 · 07/12/2015 19:40

No I do feel for you- have just had similar ourselves, not as much money but still enough. They asked us first and we said lovely idea but count us out, they bought it anyway and have said we owe them. They can keep being owed they won't get it this side of Christmas! But still don't want it causing a feud so prob will end up having to pay! Cheeky though!

Orda1 · 07/12/2015 19:49

My fiancé would probably have done the same to keep the peace. But he really should have discussed it with you and then actually done what you'd agreed!

pasturesgreen · 07/12/2015 20:02

I understand it may be difficult, being family, but taking part in joint presents is not mandatory, you could, and should, have said no.

Too late now, but be prepared for when they'll come asking next year and stand firm!

jelliebelly · 07/12/2015 20:03

He's done it now so not much you can do but make sure all know you won't be doing it again next year. Dh needs to stand up to his sister !

PunkrockerGirl · 07/12/2015 20:19

I feel your pain. Ages ago we were asked told to contribute towards a very expensive digital camera for mil's 70th birthday (split between dh and his 2 ds's). I did express some reservations at the time, mil is a serious technophobe and doesn't understand anything to do with computers, mobile phones, modern cameras etc. Anyway, I didn't argue too much, (even though I was the main breadwinner at the time and it was my bloody money), they all obviously knew best.
Nearly 8 years later, in spite of numerous offers to show her how to use it, IT HASN'T BEEN OUT OF THE SODDING BOX!!!

Apologies for shouting, but it was good to get that out there

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 07/12/2015 20:23

How can it be too late to refuse to pay towards a joint gift you've only just been told about, but not too late for you to have to find money unexpectedly when you've carefullu planned your gifts?

SIL is bu but so is DH for agreeing since he's the one who should've fought your corner.

Fresh01 · 07/12/2015 20:25

I'd mention early next year that you are doing your own thing.

You say they are all coming to your this Xmas with you having I guess baby twins. If you haven't already done so you need to divided all the courses and drinks between everyone and send an email to everyone saying as the babies are taking up so much of your time you know everyone would understand if Everyone contributed and brought........X, Y and Z. If they all see everyone is being asked to contribute it isn't just one part of the family. It is just too much effort let alone cost for you to do alone.

MrsHathaway · 07/12/2015 20:29

Could you be just as brazen back and recoup as much of the £100 as possible back in contributions to the dinner from your DH's siblings? If I've understood correctly the three siblings and MIL (and FIL?) are descending on you for Christmas Day.

You tell one she's paying for the meat, another for the wine, another for the cheese and pudding. If they demur, tell them not to be churlish.

Christmasnut18 · 07/12/2015 21:15

Yes brilliant! I will definitely be doing that! That is something I can do! Mil always very good and brings loads of booze, the others turn up with a bottle usually and that's it! I shall enjoy telling them not to be 'churlish'! I don't mind hosting Christmas- we are out in the country and have the bigger house (others squashed into London flats etc) also have my parents and one of my siblings who help loads and the kids have all their stuff- I also don't fancy trekking to London (2 hours min) with 9 month old babies etc. Next year I will spell it out- I'm sure that is why I wasn't approached as they knew they wouldn't get it out of me and dh not on the ball at the moment. Recoup the costs for Christmas is the way to go!

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thebestfurchinchilla · 07/12/2015 21:30

Yankee You should have been consulted before to see if you want to be included. Sod her, you've already bought. She sounds like bully. The though of spending £100 on a gift for MIL is ridiculous.

thebestfurchinchilla · 07/12/2015 21:30

Yanbu not yankee offs

thebestfurchinchilla · 07/12/2015 21:31

ffs not offs! Is it me?

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