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To think I do not have to justify having a cleaner...

(106 Posts)
FeelingBlobby Mon 07-Dec-15 18:30:27

Fed up with comments from in laws mainly about this, vary from me being lazy, to wasting money, to we've obviously got to much money, to not being a good wife/mother. Thing that most gets me is it is always aimed at me, not Dh, as if cleaning/housework etc entirely my responsibility!
Back story Dh and I are not massively well off but we are comfortable and live within our means, so all good. We both work hard and really value our family time. We were finding between both working almost full time and having a small farm we spent too many 'free' hours cleaning, not to have sparkly house but just to keep on top of things. We looked at budget and decided to hire a cleaner for 4 hours a week. She's wonderful and it means we've effectively brought more family time at weekends etc.
Whether or not people agree with us or not, or would choose to do things differently, really isn't my problem. However Aibu to think it is none of their damn business how we spend our money!!!

Arfarfanarf Mon 07-Dec-15 18:34:01

Absolutely right.

Can you tell them that you arent asking for their opinions and you and your husband are happy that you both have less housework to do?

Topseyt Mon 07-Dec-15 18:35:32

It is absolutely none of their business. Ignore them.

I keep toying with the idea of getting a cleaner and I work part time. It would stop it all from still falling onto my shoulders though and I would love it.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 07-Dec-15 18:36:54

I'm a SAHM to a just 2 year old and a 5 month old. We have a cleaner. Ignore them, none of their business.

baublesbells Mon 07-Dec-15 18:37:01

Just don't tell people then you don't have to justify anything

Crabbitface Mon 07-Dec-15 18:37:28

Oh God I'd LOVE a cleaner. Or an Ironer.

FeelingBlobby Mon 07-Dec-15 18:37:58

We didn't baubles a nosey neighbour did!! We managed 2 moths without them knowing as we knew how they'd be!!

VestalVirgin Mon 07-Dec-15 18:38:21

Your husband should remind them that he is an adult who does his share of the housework and profits just as much from hiring a cleaner as you do.

What you describe is one of the reasons why women do most of the cleaning even though women are not naturally more inclined to want a clean house: It is women who are blamed if the house is not clean. Or, in your case, made responsible for the decision to hire a cleaner.

It is your money. None of their business.

BeStrongAndCourageous Mon 07-Dec-15 18:39:00

I'm a SAHM, we have a cleaner. When asked why, they get the honest response of "because I don't like cleaning", which most people find difficult to argue with.

If bluntness doesn't work, maybe try embarrassing them into STFU? "It gives us more time for all the hot, kinky sex we have"?

Queenbean Mon 07-Dec-15 18:39:19

It's none of their fucking business, are they this judgemental about all of your expenditure?

I have no children and have a cleaner and it's the best bloody thing in the world. Why would I clean myself when someone else will willingly do it for me?

FeelingBlobby Mon 07-Dec-15 18:40:24

Queenbean when it comes to me they are judgemental about everything!! 😒

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 07-Dec-15 18:41:36

This would piss me off, it really is none of their business. If, or rather when, they say anything again, tell them it is none of their business and is not up for discussion. It's really rude of them.

mamas12 Mon 07-Dec-15 18:41:42

I hate this
You are managing your household, the fact that you are outsourcing a few tasks which make life better for you both is the fact you need to hold on to.
Ffs tell them they're welcome to scrub their little boys scuddy under cracker if they want but you and him are perfectly happy with your domestic arrangements thank you

Wolfiefan Mon 07-Dec-15 18:41:43

Unless they are offended you aren't letting them clean your house for free it is none of their chuffing business!

Moving15 Mon 07-Dec-15 18:41:56

Keep the cleaner. The relatives are just jealous of the years of their life they have wasted cleaning and you have gained. I don't actually have a cleaner but I really wish I did!

baublesbells Mon 07-Dec-15 18:42:45

Your nosey neighbour told your in laws??

Queenbean Mon 07-Dec-15 18:43:46

OP that's shit. In which case, I would try really hard to not give a shit about whatever they think of you, given that whatever you do will disappoint them!

FeelingBlobby Mon 07-Dec-15 18:44:28

Yes, we live in a small community where dhs family have lived for generations so very well known here. Neighbour and mil friends.

Fratelli Mon 07-Dec-15 18:45:10

Yanbu. If we could afford a cleaner we would have one no question! You don't have to justify anything to them imo.

SettlinginNicely Mon 07-Dec-15 18:45:48

I'm a SAHM with a cleaner. My MIL, who is actually really lovely, does not approve. I couldn't care less.

M0ggy Mon 07-Dec-15 18:47:03

YANBU - jealousy will get them nowhere

ask them for some Christmas present ideas for your cleaner from the Fortnum & Mason website, fgrin

And bloody good on you, but you shouldnt have to have kept it quiet!

GoblinLittleOwl Mon 07-Dec-15 18:52:45

Unbelievable, that still, in this day and age when so many women work full time, other people, quite often women, regard having a cleaner as a self-indulgent luxury.

Nectarines Mon 07-Dec-15 18:54:36

We've just done the same. The hours of family time we get back are worth every penny!

Unreasonablebetty Mon 07-Dec-15 18:56:23

My MIL has no idea we have a cleaner, mostly because she would judge me the same way your inlaws judge you,
But the truth is, I have anxiety and depression, and a personality disorder, and I never know which way my illnesses will take me, either to the point where my house is compulsively cleaned, or to where the house really doesn't look as cared for as it should.

So my cleaner comes in on Mondays and Thursday's, 1.5 hours on a Monday 1 hour on a Thursday.

It ensures that our house is always comfortable for us all to be in, and that my illnesses do not affect the state of the house that my DD lives in.
I would be hard pushed to see it in most people's situations as anything other than positive.

OnlyLovers Mon 07-Dec-15 18:58:42

No, YANBU.

Tell them, with a quiet tone and a calm face, 'That's our business and we're not interested in discussing it.'

Every time. If it goes on, start getting up and leaving the room when it's mentioned.

Even better, get your DH to tell them to fucking pack it in.

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