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To think that people who were spoilt as children carry on acting spoilt into adulthood and end up having charmed lives?

(38 Posts)
PinkPenelope Mon 07-Dec-15 14:51:15

Every single adult that I know who was seemingly spoilt as a child and has carried on acting like a spoilt brat into adulthood has a completely charmed life with everything going their way. It makes me feel that sometimes it isn't worth being a decent, kind, considerate adult because the spoilt type of person has the world revolving round them!

One person in particular is a mum that I have come across via my DCs preschool and school. She is in her late forties and was spoilt as a child and is still spoilt now as her mum does everything for her. She is also not a particularly nice person and does not think twice of tantruming when things do not go her way, and is not scared of speaking her mind (ie not saying particularly pleasant things) or making demands. If she falls out with anyone she sees it as the other person's fault and that they were being horrid to her even though the fall out is usually because of her and her acid tongue when the other person wouldn't give her her own way.

As a result of how she behaves, everyone tiptoes around her. People moan about her behind her back but she is invited to everything as no one dares not invite her. They will go out of their way to please her and do favours for her, such as collect her child from school as she is in the middle of watching a film at home! People really do fawn over her and it is quite sickening and baffling to watch.

At a kids' party recently she sat near me and was telling a whole group of us about how she didn't like her job and how she moaned and moaned to her manager and refused to do part of her job, and so they promoted her to shut her up!

AIBU to think that this type of person goes far in life?

VestalVirgin Mon 07-Dec-15 15:09:31

Every single adult that I know who was seemingly spoilt as a child and has carried on acting like a spoilt brat into adulthood has a completely charmed life with everything going their way. It makes me feel that sometimes it isn't worth being a decent, kind, considerate adult because the spoilt type of person has the world revolving round them!

Yes, that sort of phenomenon is part of what we feminists call "male privilege", as males are usually spoilt a great deal, and therefore have larger-than-life self-esteem as adults. Which gets one rather far in job environment.

I totally believe that the entitled attitude works fine for women as long as they mostly display it when in the company of other women.

What I don't get, though ... why do people invite her? They are not work colleagues, so her options of bullying should be rather restricted.
Fight back.

As for it not being worth it being a decent, kind and considerate adult ... on the up side, you have real friends, not just people who invite you because they are scared you might say something nasty.

Enjolrass Mon 07-Dec-15 15:26:04

The one person I know who was spoilt as a child, acts the same as an adult.

However , she doesn't lead a charmed life. She expects things to be easy for her, when it's not she strops but never puts in any work to actually work towards what she wants.

Many people who do scream and shout get their own way. Personally I find that being direct, upfront but respectful works just as well.

I don't get why people put up with strops. Nor do I get why people get mad that they miss out, when they haven't spoken up.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 07-Dec-15 15:28:54

I know a spoiled brat. You would think he had a charmed life because he talks a good game. In actuality, I think life is less rosy.

Higge Mon 07-Dec-15 15:32:34

I don't expect people who behave like spoilt brats don't make good long term partners.....assuming the divorce rate among them is high!

PinkPenelope Mon 07-Dec-15 15:37:38

Interestingly Higge, the woman that I know has been divorced 3 times! However she genuinely thinks it's all of her exes with the problem....

Kennington Mon 07-Dec-15 15:40:47

I was spoiled as a child. But where my mum is from it is the done thing - S. European.
She still helps now.
But it was made clear to me by my parents that only they would treat me like this and not to expect anything from anyone else.
I am certainly not a brat (!) but feel it set me up for life and made me very secure and a happy person.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 07-Dec-15 15:49:16

Many spoilt brats fall down to earth spectacularly at university, or in their first 'proper' job.

They might start off having everything done for them, but when it turns out that everyone is as clever as them, or it's not the done thing for their parents to fight their battles/sort out their problems they get a bit of a shock.

BabyGanoush Mon 07-Dec-15 16:04:49

The question is OP, why does it bother you?

Find other people to hang out with

You sound almost envious of her, despite her not being nice.

Being nice does not get you "far" in life, being nice is something you do for yourself, and to be able to think of yourself as a nice person.

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 07-Dec-15 16:06:47

I think a lot of spoiled children, (and I mean spoiled in the sense of always getting their own way), struggle quite a lot with friendships and relationships. The ones I know aren't even very nice to the parents and grandparents who have always indulged them. They don't seem very happy either.

TheGreenTriangle Mon 07-Dec-15 16:14:04

Spoilt only child here, leading a very charmed life by many (not all) standards. But I also think I am a decent and considerate person, my life revolves around me in as much as any person's life revolves around them - I don't expect any special treatment from people, unless they're actual friends and family: in the same way that I behave towards them.

Bit harsh to tarnish all singletons as spoilt and horrid in adult life? Your acquaintance does sound awful though.

AwfulCuntForTheButter Mon 07-Dec-15 16:20:30

I know a horribly spoiled only child in her early 30s. She was an IVF baby born to older parents, and as a result they pampered and pandered to her more than seems humanly possible. The problem is, she now goes through life believing that everyone else should think of her as a precious miracle too.

She regularly makes a new 'best friend' within weeks of meeting them, falls out with them spectacularly after a few months, lays all the blame at former best friend's door, and goes around playing the victim and slagging them off/making up complete lies to other people. Unfortunately, people fall for it every time, because they genuinely believe she's 'fragile' and 'vulnerable'. Is she fuck. She's a calculating little madam who stamps her foot when someone says something you don't like.

So yes, OP, it certainly appears that being something of a spoiled gobshite earns you followers sometimes!

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 07-Dec-15 16:23:10

I don't think anyone has mentioned singletons Green. In what sense would you say you were spoilt though? My four had lots of love and attention and toys but insisted on good behaviour.

Shakey15000 Mon 07-Dec-15 16:24:29

Yes I can see how it's true for some. Tiresome, that's what they are.

KatharinaRosalie Mon 07-Dec-15 16:31:56

Like MrsTerry, I also know some spoilt people.
I only know one of them well enough to be able to see, that while you would think she lives a charmed life, she's actually miserable. She genuinely believes the world should revolve around her, and is totally unable to cope if anything is not going her way. Nothing to envy.

RabbitSaysWoof Mon 07-Dec-15 16:32:01

I agree with you completely op. I know a few people like this.

Ripeningapples Mon 07-Dec-15 16:34:17

Mine have had everything except a pony. They have also had it drummed into them that they share, don't show off, include others and think about others. I'm sure many would say they are spoilt. OTH SILs dc who don't have as much are far more wanty and inclined to laugh at others.

Jollyphonics Mon 07-Dec-15 16:37:11

OP I agree with a lot of what you're saying, and this woman sounds horrible. But I'm not sure that having 3 divorces constitutes a charmed life. Also, if she's in her late 40s with pre-school kids she may have had difficulty conceiving?
But as I say, good fortune and privilege does seem to follow some people around. I work with a princess (not literally, but you know what I mean). Mid 30s, met lovely husband at 18 (he was with someone else at the time but that didn't bother her), 2 perfect children, parents happily married and help her a lot, good job, good health, pretty. The single worst thing that has ever happened to her (as she admits) is that her great grandmother died a few years ago at age about 100. She's a bossy bitch who has no sympathy for anyone else's difficulties in life, probably because she has no idea what a difficulty feels like!

LaurieLemons Mon 07-Dec-15 16:43:23

Children learn very quickly that if they stamp their feet hard enough, they get their way. The same applies to adulthood. There's nothing wrong with speaking your mind (within reason) and I think a lot of people could benefit from doing so. As PP said some adults come crashing down when they get out into the 'real world'.

I think a good work ethic is very important and morals. It's very possible to do things right and still get places in life.

Duckdeamon Mon 07-Dec-15 16:48:50

You seem to be generalising!

I know a couple of women I regard as self-absorbed in their behaviour who had crummy childhoods but whose partners "look after" them. And one who had indulgent parents and similarly has chosen partners who dance to her tune!

None have done very well at work.

shebird Mon 07-Dec-15 16:55:54

Oh yes I know one of these, still has her mum fretting and running about after her and is capable of behaving like a 30 something big baby. The biggest shock of all was having a baby this year as she actually had to put someone else first.

DoJo Mon 07-Dec-15 16:56:02

The problem isn't people who are 'spoiled' but those who facilitate their behaviour - if people would rather do things that they don't want to than tell someone that they are being rude/demanding/unfair then there's no reason for the spoiled person to change.

kickassangel Mon 07-Dec-15 16:56:37

When MIL was 18 she met a man (age 19) she wanted to marry. Her parents said no, but she cried and carried on so that they relented and she got married.

Marriage turned out to be a disaster, but MIL still (in her 60s) cries and carries on if she doesn't get what she wants.

Her 2nd husband loved spoiling her and treating her and making her feel precious. So everyone in the family ended up always doing what she wants.

However - she's not happy. Nothing is ever good enough. When she's crying, she genuinely feels hard done by. Now her DH has died, she is terrified of being alone. A significant number of her family she cut off, and now she has almost no-one to spend time with. She spends a huge amount of her time and energy trying to get people onside with her and agreeing with her.

I find visiting her exhausting, but we live 4,000 miles away so it's manageable.

I genuinely believe that my ability to deal with crap, fend for myself, and be happy with the good thing sI have in life make me happier. I don't just mean nicer/more popular, but as far as I can tell I wake up feeling more content, get more enjoyment from the day, feel more love for the people around me, and go to bed feeling much better. I have far less temper tantrums, and can cope much better when life throws me a curve ball.

It doesn't mean I've had a blessed existence (I've had some real crap to deal with) but I think for all the outward appearance of her getting her way, it's not made her a happy person.

GlitteryRollers Mon 07-Dec-15 17:40:48

YANBU. I cam think of a few people I know like this OP. The daughter of family friends is a prime example. She was a surprise late baby born when her parents were in their early fourties and their older children were nearly grown up. She is the most horribly spoiled person I've ever met. They never said no to her as a child and as an adult is the most God awful, lazy, entitled bitch. She lives in her own home with her children but her parents still pay for everything, mobile phone bill, Sky TV, internet, her hair and beauty appointments, food shopping. She can't hold down a job and her childrens dad left because she was so awful to live with. She goes to her parents and home and asks for money, if they don't give it to her she screams at them like demented banshee.

Her parents despite their faults and truley the loveliest people you could meet and quite frankly I'd love to give her a slap because of the way she treats them. But they've kind of made a rod for their own backs...

beefthief Mon 07-Dec-15 17:40:52

Amusing how the OP talks about a "mum" she has a problem with, yet VestalVirgin cannot WAIT to be divisive and unhelpful by talking about "male privilege".

Some people are beyond parody, they really are.

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