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To be so fed up of this

(143 Posts)
ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:26:38

This will probably make me sound like an unreasonable but I've had enough. So has dh.
Dh has a ds and a dd. And they are always ill. Always. Never a day goes by that they don't phone and tell us they were off school with x y z.
His dd (14) has missed almost a whole year of school with these sick days combined. Most of the time it is a common cold they have and would be fine to go into school but their mum (dh exw) exaggerates the cold so that it becomes a virus or a chest infection.
Dh left ex w because she pretended to be very sick, but he caught her out one day. She has form for
being dramatic, if I had a friend like that I would get so bored of
All the drama very quickly.
Everybody is fed up hearing about their illnesses, even their grandparents. Ex w is always telling people about how they had to rush to a and e because "ds had a migraine". This has happened several times.
Dh and I are the type people that unless your arm falls off, you go into work. It frustrates him that his two children are missing so much school for what is essentially a cold.
I must also point out that they are both absolutely 100% fine when they stay with us. They stay EOW
sometimes more and I have NEVER seen either of them ill.
Dh exw will post pictures of them
At the weekend all having loads
Of fun, at theme parks, water fights outside in the summer etc, then on the Monday they are "very ill" and won't make it into school..
Dh and I no longer pander to it and Dh phoned then and told them they need to get their acts together. They both want to go to uni (ds applies next year) but we both Doubt that they will have been in school enough to pass their exams never mind do well Enough to get accepted by a university.
Sorry this is more of a wwyd.. Dh and I are both worried that the kids will not achieve what they want due to all of this drama.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:26:52

Unreasonable bitch, sorry

AliceInUnderpants Mon 07-Dec-15 09:28:50

WWYD? You do nothing, it's for your DH to deal with. Does he have other concerns about his ex wife's parenting? Has the school not got involved yet?

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:31:36

Yup they have been flagged up by the school, they were threatening to get the welfare officer involved.
Yes she has made them into little cry babies who are always moaning when nothing is wrong with them. It affects me and my ds so yes I am
Asking wwyd because it is my life as well not just my Dh and his kids.. Obviously.

gamerchick Mon 07-Dec-15 09:31:48

How has the school not been involved? I get whinged at with hints at fines if my son goes down to 97% attendance.

Sounds like it's the mother with a big problem and they've been caught in the middle. Your bloke needs to deal with it and if that means calling a meeting with the school then that's what he has to do.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:36:45

It's all got so ridiculous. When the kids come here they are fine, jump about mad like normal kids then come Monday they are very poorly, so weak etc etc. It gets so boring.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 07-Dec-15 09:40:09

Can your dh speak to the school? Surely they must be involved?

stairbears Mon 07-Dec-15 09:41:58

Would he apply to the court for residency, on the basis that she is an unfit parent? Sounds like history of munchausen and munchausen by proxy. How on earth haven't social services or ewo been involved? Why hasn't your DP got them involved? He needs to do something as it's just as neglectful to ignore this...

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Mon 07-Dec-15 09:43:26


Hire a tutor for each of them, so they can get some decent grades and escape the useless parenting from their mum.

Or contact their school and ask for the work they have missed and get them working over the weekends.

I would be concentrating on the dcs, helping them with heir uni aims. Try not to focus on the ex, I doubt she will change.

Handywoman Mon 07-Dec-15 09:50:04

A whole year of school due to colds? WTF? I would have thought this should be raised with social services as fabricated/induced illness which is a form of abuse. I'm sure it would be taken up and arrangements could be made for the dc to spend a lot more time in your care. Your dh has let it go on too long. A year FFS. I'm not sure why EWO (or whoever) aren't involved??

Waltermittythesequel Mon 07-Dec-15 09:50:35

If they're missing that much there's no way the school isn't getting involved so someone is exaggerating.

You don't sound very nice. She's a bitch, they're cry babies.

Maybe you should mind your own business? I don't see how it affects your life?

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:50:59

I always tell them to bring work with them and I help them with their maths and languages and Dh helps with the English and music side.

WhyCant some good advice, I might have a look at tutor prices, even once a week alongside us tutoring might help.
Ds is so excited by the thought of uni and it breaks my heart to know that it's looking less unlikely everyday. i hope he proves me
Wrong though, I would be so proud if he succeeds. Obviously we both would be.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:52:06

Walter not once have I called her a bitch..
Read the post.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:52:29

I also said the school is involved. Again, read the post.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:53:49

It affects my life because it affects Dh and my ds, who live with me so it affects me.. God if your a stepmum u can't win. "Your too involved, mind your own business. Stop caring." "You don't care enough, get more involved".

Waltermittythesequel Mon 07-Dec-15 09:55:31

Sorry, you appear to think she's a bitch, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth.

You said they were threatening to get the welfare officer involved. Presumably though they didn't. For almost an entire year missed? Really?

Waltermittythesequel Mon 07-Dec-15 09:56:41

I'm a step mum and you are too involved.

Because, quite frankly, if the school is doing fuck all and their mum is doing fuck all and your dh can do fuck all then that's it.

Brightnorthernlights Mon 07-Dec-15 09:56:45

There is no way the school welfare officer has not escalated this if, as you say, one of them has missed the equivalent of a year of schooling.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 09:59:32

Their have been meetings at the school, I did not attend.

PhilPhilConnors Mon 07-Dec-15 09:59:44

I think you must be exaggerating. With this level of absence authorities would definitely be involved.
How many times are they really off school?
Your dh needs to work with their mother and school to sort this out.

Battleshiphips2 Mon 07-Dec-15 10:00:00

walter the OP called herself an unreasonable bitch, not the mother.

Handywoman Mon 07-Dec-15 10:01:30

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Asteria36 Mon 07-Dec-15 10:04:45

Just ignore the "why is it your problem" type comments. As a SM, anything to do with the DSC becomes your problem, even if only on the level of supporting your DH. You would have to be a heartless monster for problems with your DSC not to be a concern.
There are a number of issues here. Your DH needs to address the attendance issue, first and foremost. Talking to the school about his concerns, also the dsc's GP if they are constantly ill. Helping the DSC with their school work is something that you can do without being branded an interfering old bag!
You tread a fine line as a sm, we are supposed to care but not get emotionally invested, support everyone else but rarely get support yourself. If you have a serious concern for their welfare then there is nothing stopping you making it known to SS- but it would be better coming from your DH initially.

ginandjuice Mon 07-Dec-15 10:05:20

Got handy woman must have a lot of time on your hands. Or maybe your are ex w lol

SummerNights1986 Mon 07-Dec-15 10:07:44

At 14 the dd has been in school 10 years.

Missing the equivalent of a year - 1/10 of the total time - would work out as what? 5 weeks a year.

Enough to bring the attendance down to levels where there would be some school welfare involvement but not so much that they'd be top of the hit list in a whole County i'd imagine.

I can easily believe that a 14 year old could have missed the equivalent of a year so far without the op massive exaggerating matters.

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