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WIBU to stop halal meat

(140 Posts)
BoringlyRestrictive Sun 06-Dec-15 10:10:25

Am going to be divorcing H in the new year.
He is Muslim. In so far as he observes Ramadan and he eats halal.

He was perfectly happy to have a sexual relationship with me prior to marriage. He was perfectly happy to get me pregnant prior to marriage (marriage meaning the religious blessing). He even lied to his parents/families that dd was born early so it looked like we were pregnant just after marriage (found out about pregnancy one week before)

He has never attended mosque since I've known him. He does not pray at home.

He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble - as this are all forbidden.
He eats halal meat. But he is happy to over look mainstream haribo (which contain gelatin) when he wants them as they are cheaper and come in bigger bags then he halal ones.

Once we separate the DC will be with me. They are 3&1. They have no clue about Islam or halal or whatever. Dd is starting to learn as she asks for things (chicken pizza or sausages) and I have to explain that we have to get special ones.
But it's not the most straight forward always. Limits where we can eat out and means visiting my friends and family she pretty much either has to eat vegetarian (and feels left out) or they have to buy halal meat and prepare separately.

So (sorry for length) WIBU that after we separate I stop feeding them halal meat?
If H decides to resume his religion and actually do some religious education with them then perhaps I could revert but otherwise if he isn't going to teach them about Islam and being a Muslim is it really wrong of me to feed them whatever the hell I like (I will draw the line at pork just incase they decide to pick up Islam later in life)

I'm sure this will divide the crowd but I'm really wrestling with my mind here!
So as not to drip feed - it is a nasty emotionally and mentally abusive, controlling relationship.

ProfessorPreciseaBug Sun 06-Dec-15 10:13:54

I would not want anything to do with islam... .

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 06-Dec-15 10:17:13

Well that's a measured and sensible responder Professor hmm

I don't think you sound unreasonable OP. Quite sensible in fact.

Holstein Sun 06-Dec-15 10:18:23

Really professor? It is their father's religion. I don't agree with any organised religion at all, but children have the right to know who they are and where they come from, regardless what anonymous strangers think.
OP, I think this is something you'll have to discuss with him. Where I live its just as easy to get halal stuff as nonhalal tbh. It's the idea of halal I don't like, the method. But I think that if my children were half Muslim, I'd be accommodating.

Vixxfacee Sun 06-Dec-15 10:18:33

Why not pp?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 06-Dec-15 10:19:51

It is not their religion, or your religion. Feed them what you like in your care, I'm sure their father will do the same. Religion is a bit of a red herring I'd say the same if he was veggie and you were omni.

Cloppysow Sun 06-Dec-15 10:19:51

Why ProfessorPreciseBug

I'd say unless he is committed to his religion, theres no reason why you should be. If he took it more seriously and asked you to do these things, i'd respect that.

ShouldYouWonder Sun 06-Dec-15 10:20:41

Doesnt go to worship (mosque) and eats normal haribo?
Sure is he is a muslim>=?

ProfessorPreciseaBug Sun 06-Dec-15 10:21:27

You say he is nasty abusive and controlling. Sadly there are many men who are like that. From what I see, islam offers a cultural framework to support such behaviour.

Life without religion is more difficult as you have to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. It can never be gods will but if you are strong you are better off living by your own principles than being told what to do by a religious organisation.

If you feel you need religious support, i would suggest to join some happy clappy types.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 06-Dec-15 10:21:48

Exactly. If he was a practising Muslim and made sure he only ate what he was allowed, then ywbu. But he isn't and doesn't.

Nightstalker Sun 06-Dec-15 10:22:13

He's not a Muslim (they have to pray 5 times a day it is the 2nd pillar of Islam)


PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 06-Dec-15 10:22:52

Oh do sod off Professor and take your ignorance with you.

MrsGentlyBenevolent Sun 06-Dec-15 10:23:11

I take the same view on Halal as vegetarianism - a child should be entitled to make that choice themselves when older. If ex kicks up a fuss then 1. say they can follow his lifestye choice when with him and 2. remind him (within his parents earshot) that his reglion didn't mean that much to him when he got your pregnant pre-marriage/picks and choses when he wants to eat Halal.

VegetablEsoup Sun 06-Dec-15 10:23:44

I think ywnbu.
if it's so important to him, he can give them halal food when they spend time with him.

PurpleDaisies Sun 06-Dec-15 10:23:48

But I think that if my children were half Muslim, I'd be accommodating.

Surely the children only become Muslims if they decide to follow the religion. They can't be half anything.

Do they understand what halal meat is and why their faith says they should eat it? If you're not a Muslim and your children aren't keen on sticking to a halal diet I would just give them whatever meat you want to feed them.

VashtaNerada Sun 06-Dec-15 10:23:52

I think they should eat what you eat when they're with you and eat what their father eats when they're with him. So unless you personally eat halal (& in fact even then there's no real reason why they'd need to do the same) just let them eat what they want.
I don't think any child is actually religious anyway, they might observe the customs but you need to be a bit older to make a proper decision about whether you want to follow a religion or not.

crystalgall Sun 06-Dec-15 10:24:21

It depends if you think they will be any part of the religion when older. Eg will they interact with other Muslim family members? Will you be teaching them about Islam? Will they be spending a lot of time with their father and will he be encouraging the religion? If so I would stick to being halal. It's really not that hard to keep halal and kids just get used to what is the norm.
DS 4 knows he can't always eat the marshmallows/jelly sweets at parties. I always have some veggie haribo on hand at parties so I can substitute but not sneakily. He does know. Also is it really a big deal eating the veggie pizza instead of chicken one? I wouldn't ask non Muslim family members to cook halal if they don't feel comfortable so would just be happy with veggie/fish option. I have dozens of non Muslim friends and that's what we do there. Again not a big deal.

However this is an Islam thread so I am 100% certain of the response you will be getting from hereon (it's already started in the first response so may have to hide thread soon) so If you don't want to then don't.

PurpleDaisies Sun 06-Dec-15 10:24:37

Just seen they're 3 and 1. Feed them what you want and when they're old enough they can decide for themselves.

Birdsgottafly Sun 06-Dec-15 10:25:18

""But I think that if my children were half Muslim""

Children can't be half Muslim, it isn't a genetic characteristic, it's a religion that has very set practices.

The Ex (and Father) isn't a practicing Muslim.

If his side of the family want to educate the children on their heritage, all well and good.

All the OP needs to do is to know enough to answer any questions and help them get information, should they want to.

WorraLiberty Sun 06-Dec-15 10:28:35

I'd feed them what you want and let him do the same.

baublesbells Sun 06-Dec-15 10:31:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleDaisies Sun 06-Dec-15 10:32:59

That's so helpful baubles. I'm sure the op is so thankful for your contribution. hmm

kinkytoes Sun 06-Dec-15 10:34:06

I'd avoid halal anyway. I already boycott takeaways which advertise their meat as halal. Why is it infiltrating bloody everywhere? Wish it could just be banned.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 06-Dec-15 10:36:04

Well aren't you a charmer baubles...hmm

Topseyt Sun 06-Dec-15 10:37:18

Feed them however you want to feed them and don't feel guilty. Leave your almost ex to his own devices.

Are they going to have much contact with him anyway if, as you say, it has been an abusive relationship?

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