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AIBU?

To not pick her son up

92 replies

Roygrace · 05/12/2015 10:54

My friend has asked me to have her DStonight. My two kids are really pleased, love his company.

She is a single parent and I love having him.

She agreed that she would meet me in a town halfway between us and I would drop off tomorrow morning.

I drive, she doesn't and would have to get two buses to get to me. Drive will be 45 mins each way for me to pick up.

She has now cancelled due to rain and having to get two busses and asked will I pick up.

Is the right thing to do support someone who doesn't drive and just do drop off and pick up or am I a mug?

I really don't know what to do, first few times I didn't mind but when she isn't prepared to make any effort it really grates on me.

OP posts:

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southeastastra · 05/12/2015 10:55

i would do it

DoreenLethal · 05/12/2015 10:57

So you are doing her a favour by having him and you have to drive an hour and a half to pick him up and an hour and a half to drop him off...

What sort of favours does she do you in return?

ijustwannadance · 05/12/2015 11:00

Tell her you will pick him up but then she would have to get the buses in morning with a hangover? to pick him up.
It's up to you. I think she is taking the piss a bit tbh as you are being good enough to look after him. It's only rain.

ijustwannadance · 05/12/2015 11:01

She also knows you will always pick him up anyway which is why she cancelled

Birdsgottafly · 05/12/2015 11:03

Does she have any other support?

Is it a hardship for you to do this?

Sometimes it's nice to help friends out, as long as she isn't a piss taker.

sparechange · 05/12/2015 11:03

Why does the rain mean she can't get a bus? Presumably it isn't an open top one?!

If you pick him up today, it should be on the condition that she picks him up tomorrow

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 11:03

Does she return the favours?

If it's another ask in a long history of freeloading, then no, I wouldn't go and get him. If your next post says something like 'but she's lovely and let me and my kids live with her rent free with her for 4 months when I was made homeless', then yes, I would...!

This is one of those posts where more background is needed.

WeAreEternal · 05/12/2015 11:06

I would tell her you are happy to pick him up but she will have to collect him tomorrow as you can't make the trip twice.

Roygrace · 05/12/2015 11:07

To be fair this is common with her. But any time I needed a babysitter she would do it for me (as long as I dropped them off obvs)

OP posts:

LaurieLemons · 05/12/2015 11:10

If she is a good friend I would do it, getting buses is a massive pain with kids.

Roygrace · 05/12/2015 11:14

The biggest thing is that my kids play so well with him. They play together and don't fight so it does make it easier but surely normal etiquette would indicate that you would at least get of your arse and do something.

I wouldn't dream of not making an effort but pp is right that she knows I'll do it.

OP posts:

SoozeyHoozey · 05/12/2015 11:16

If she's a nice person I would do it. It's hard on your own as a single parent with no car.

Sighing · 05/12/2015 11:17

Tell her if the rain her end is too heavy to manage the bus you'd rather not risk the drive this time.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 05/12/2015 11:18

How about you and DS doing the babysitting at her house and sleeping over? That way you only have to drive once there and once back, and the boys have longer to play too.

Sighing · 05/12/2015 11:18

(I've been a single parent and dependent on public transport, she's being unreasonable).

Pancakeflipper · 05/12/2015 11:19

I'd do it cos the children will be disappointed.

But in future arrangements make it clear you will not go and collect him if its annoying you.

eddielizzard · 05/12/2015 11:20

yes, i'd say if the rain is that hard you don't feel comfortably driving for 1.5 hours.

generally i'd make an effort but if she's making you do all the driving, and no effort for her, then i'd be a little less generous.

InTheBox · 05/12/2015 11:21

I would do it. It sounds as though your dcs would love to have her dc over and she's not a complete user.

ImperialBlether · 05/12/2015 11:22

MrsLeigh, but surely the OP would rather be in her own house!

I would call her bluff and tell her no. If she really wants you to babysit then she'll get the bus. It's not fair that you have to do all the driving as well as all the babysitting.

RandomMess · 05/12/2015 11:24

Hmmm I'd offer the compromise and meet her where the first bus change would be for her??

Alternatively ask her to cover the FULL costs of you going to pick up - not just fuel...

FullmoonHalfmoonTotaleclipse · 05/12/2015 11:29

I'd refuse. You're being a friend by doing the babysitting, not by driving for an hour and a half because she can't be arsed to go out in the rain. Cheeky mare.

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 11:34

How will he get home tomorrow?

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Samcro · 05/12/2015 11:36

i would do it this time, but then have a chat and make it clear it has to be more equal in future

Aposey · 05/12/2015 11:38

It is a long way to drive if you are doing her a favour. I might be reading this wrong, but if it takes you 45 min to get to the town in the middle then it will take her an awful lot longer on the busses, and as you have said she needs to change busses she might be standing outside in the rain for 20 min or more which would be pretty miserable, and then she and her child will be soaked for the second bus and for her all the way back again. I wouldnt want to do that!

I'd say do it this time if the weather is as bad for you as it is here- but be clear that it is a hassle and a very long drive that you wouldnt normally want to do. Is she likely to give you petrol money or some kind of thanks?

Youarentkiddingme · 05/12/2015 11:43

Will she contribute what she's saving on buses - remembering she'll have to get a return for her - towards petrol? That would be what helped me decide if it was genuine ask for a favour due to weather or a piss take.

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