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DB's behaviour towards my DN

(20 Posts)
ApricotDream Fri 04-Dec-15 17:21:06

To avoid drip feeding - db has two daughters. My nieces. The younger one (18) lives in a shared flat near him and the older one (21) around 90 mins drive away. Dn1 has Autism and some anxiety/depression as well as mental health problems which are managed with local support. Db and Dn1 have always had a difficult relationship. He's only seen her twice this year and has refused to have her to stay for the past few christmas's. Because of this both Dn's normally spends Christmas day with his parents who live near him. However this year Dn1 managed to secure a p/t job (a huge achievement for her) because of this she needs to return home on boxing day rather than staying for the festive period as she normally would.


Db was asked to help by driving her home on the morning of boxing day. Dn1 doesn't drive and neither do any of the other immediate family (we live over 4 hours away so can't help) after saying he would when asked in October he's today turned around and now said he won't. Meaning Dn will be alone for Christmas... So mad at him angry Is db unreasonable or are we? biscuit

RB68 Fri 04-Dec-15 17:24:58

He is

Aeroflotgirl Fri 04-Dec-15 17:28:48

He sounds like a total and utter twat, very mean sad.

HeartShapedBox Fri 04-Dec-15 17:32:29

Wow, some father he is.

Grumpyoldblonde Fri 04-Dec-15 17:34:09

You really have to ask? disgraceful man

nilbyname Fri 04-Dec-15 17:35:17

He's a knob.

Finola1step Fri 04-Dec-15 17:39:48

From what you have to told us, your brother is a nasty piece of work.

For the record, my dsis has Autism. She has a range of complex emotional and social needs. She has a history of violence towards family members. She lives in her own flat, supported by key workers. She has a p/t job. I have in the past had to limit her access to my young dc (not that she has ever shown any aggression towards them, just me and I won't expose my dc to this).

My dsis is always welcomed into my mum's home at Christmas. Always.

mumeeee Fri 04-Dec-15 17:43:54

He is being very unreasonable and very mean

APlaceOnTheCouch Fri 04-Dec-15 17:50:48

He is completely unreasonable. Could you all chip together to pay for a taxi for DN to get home on Boxing Day? maybe the money that would have been spent on DB's Christmas dinner could be redirected to pay for the taxi?

Amazemedontbeacunt Fri 04-Dec-15 17:54:00

Agree with APlace and suggest his family buy him no gifts and tell him his gift is a taxi home for his DD and all chip in for that.

squoosh Fri 04-Dec-15 17:56:58

He sounds like an absolute shit.

You'd think he'd be doing everything he could to help her with her new job. Well done to her flowers

Lynnm63 Fri 04-Dec-15 18:16:05

My dd has SN and when she's older will no doubt need similar assistance my husband would walk over coals to help any of our dc's. Your DB is a horrible man. Are you in contact with you him. Can you tell him what a twat he is? I like the idea of using the money you would all spend on his gifts to fund her taxi. Id send him a card so he'd think it was a gift card telling him what his 'gift' is.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight Fri 04-Dec-15 19:35:50

Yes. His gift can be her taxi cost. What a scrooge.

yorkshapudding Fri 04-Dec-15 19:43:32

Your poor DN. As you say, this job is an achievemt for her and as such should be celebrated and supported by her family. Instead its like she's being penalised for working by having to spend Christmas by herself. I wholeheartedly agree with pp that the whole family should club together, using money they would have spent on DB, to pay for a taxi for DN if at all possible. I'd also find it very, very difficult not to give him a piece of my mind.

Caprinihahahaha Fri 04-Dec-15 19:47:17

He's an utter twat and I would tell my brother so.

Senpai Fri 04-Dec-15 19:49:20

Doesn't matter if she's autistic. If you say you're going to do something, you do it. End of.

Is there a reason they're not getting along?

Can she access public transport and you could help get her a ticket?

IonaNE Fri 04-Dec-15 19:56:32

Great idea to make her taxi fare his gift. Do that, op.

ApricotDream Mon 07-Dec-15 21:42:18

Thanks all.. sorry its taken a few days for me to come back and update

DB is refusing to budge. Despite DN's upset and pressure from the rest of the family. I love the idea of getting DN a taxi as DB's Christmas present but sadly don't think it would have the desired effect (he doesn't care much for christmas or presents)

DN has (with a bit of help) arranged a meeting with her manager tomorrow to discuss the situation and see if they can sort it so she no longer has to work boxing day. Fingers crossed this will have the desired outcome but no guarantee's....

We've said that if she does end up alone then we'll pay for Christmas dinner for her in a local pub as our present to her. Not perfect but better than any effort DB has made fsad

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 08-Dec-15 08:58:33

The desired effect of paying for DN's taxi was that she got to spend time with you all (not just to take it from DB's present). Is it too expensive to chip in for a taxi so she can definitely have Christmas with family rather than on her own in a pub?

Sparkletastic Tue 08-Dec-15 09:01:36

DB is a dick but no way to paying for pub lunch for DN - agree money better spent on taxi. All family members can chip in and perhaps DB will feel at least a flicker of shame.

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