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AIBU?

Workplace bullying, stress and facebook

75 replies

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:11

Talk Employment issues
Workplace bullying and facebook1
Today 14:47 ForeverLivingMyArse

It's a long story but basically I'm signed off my work with work related stress and am starting formal proceedings against the manager for bullying and harassment.

She's the only and overall manager and I've had to go to our board with my complaints, small place with 14 members of staff.

I've had my manager as a fb friend from when before she was my manager. I felt it was innaproproate especially recently but feared a backlash from her if I removed her. I hid her from my news feed and added her to limited profile so she couldn't see anything I done in fb.

As I'd feared she questioned me about this. I went off not long after that.

I have a few other members of staff in fb. Last week was our Christmas night out, I didn't go. My manager posted and tagged mutual friends on fb thanking them for a great night out and how lucky she was to work with such a great bunch of people. hmm

I thought fair enough she can post what she's like but its a bit innaproproate given I'm not the only one signed off with stress directly related to the way she treats us.

I let it go

Last night she's posted and tagged mutual friends in a post with a picture which says 'if you think I'm mental you should see my work mates'

No one has replied.

I've screen shot it.

Am I being over sensitive or am I right in thinking this just isn't appropriate as manager when 2 of your staff are off with stress?

OP posts:

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TrinityForce · 04/12/2015 15:13

I think you're over reacting.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/12/2015 15:15

I also think you're over reacting. You also haven't said what behaviour of hers has led to formal proceedings. But from the examples you've given alone, I think you're reading too much into it.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:17

There's lot's I'm not going into as my query is about her fb post.

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 04/12/2015 15:17

I also think you are over reacting to these posts.
Sorry to hear you are unwell though, I hope things improve soon

Enjolrass · 04/12/2015 15:18

I think it's probably ill thought out given people are off with stress.

However I think you are over reacting.

It used to be a fairly common thing to say, around here at least.

'You think I am odd? you haven't met my mum/dad/kids/husband/dog'

I am assuming there is more to you being off, surely it's not just because she queried why she can't see you profile anymore?

The Christmas party is a non issue. She had a good night and likes the people she works with. She didn't say 'I work with a great bunch of people except, the ones who are off ill at the moment'

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/12/2015 15:18

Yeah, totally love when posters do that. "Here's limited information, now make a judgement call!"

In that case, YABU.

Learningtoletgo · 04/12/2015 15:18

I would step away from FB if I were you. It's not going to help at the moment whatever it says. It just going to get you more stressed out.

How is your case being handled?

GoingDownToLiverpool · 04/12/2015 15:19

I'm not sure its inappropriate as such, but it does suggest she is pretty insensitive - or possibly just nasty of course.

Does she have a jolly little clique there, who would be the people she has in mind with these chummy posts?

But certainly proves that fb and work don't mix.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/12/2015 15:19

No I don't think you're over reacting at all. That comment could be viewed as mocking mental health. You don't me to tell you that Facebook and managers don't mix.

SwedishEdith · 04/12/2015 15:20

I think it's inappropriate for managers to have their staff on fb.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:21

Would you say its appropriate for a manager to post that and ensuring a member of staff who is signed off with stress will see it?

That's what I'm asking.

I'm not reacting to it in any way yet, my case is with my union and the committee and well underway, I'm not crying bully on the basis of that post.

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 04/12/2015 15:21

Oh and just block her on Facebook. Honestly. Or come off for a while. It's clearly stressing you out more.

Enjolrass · 04/12/2015 15:22

The reason people are asking what led to it, is because from the limited information you have given its difficult to judge.

Just unfriended so you can't see her posts, if they are so offensive to you.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:23

What else do you need Darth?

OP posts:

RatherBeRiding · 04/12/2015 15:24

If you are off work with stress then I would honestly just block/delete her from your FB. And do the same with everyone else who works there too because if you have them on your newsfeed you will see her posts too. Work and FB don't always mix. If anyone questions it - simply say you prefer to keep work and private life separate and leave it that.

I'd not worry about a backlash particularly if you are taking formal proceedings against her. In fact it would look rather odd if you went down the formal route but had her as a FB friend.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:24

There's a year's worth of incidents that have led to me, and others, taking out a grievance against her for bullying and harassment.

Do you really need to hear it?

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 04/12/2015 15:25

I can't see in your OP where you said she ensured you or the other person off would see it?

How did she do that?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/12/2015 15:25

I don't think it's inappropriate, no. It's Facebook not the company's website.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 04/12/2015 15:26

By tagging mutual friends.

OP posts:

Learningtoletgo · 04/12/2015 15:27

As a tale of caution, I used to work with a manager who FB friended all her staff (she sent one to me (i was the same level as her) and my gut feeling was this could be trouble so just ignored it). Anyway she used to use FB to check up on people and cyber stalk them. If someone was off sick she'd pull up their page on FB on her work pc and monitor their posts throughout the working day. She'd then report them if she thought they were posting too much and thought that indicated that they should be in work. She was an odd ball to be fair

TheWitTank · 04/12/2015 15:28

I think given that you are in the midst of a complicated work situation it would actually be much better to remove ALL of your work colleagues from FB. if you get on particularly well with some, call and explain why if you don't want to upset them.
Obsessing over the context of posts and taking screen shots isn't going to help you get better. Get away from it all and concentrate on yourself and your case when you need to. Good luck.

saraht84 · 04/12/2015 15:29

Everyone says you're overreacting but I'm not sure you are. Does your company have a social media policy?

I've seen more than one person dismissed over seemingly innocuous Facebook comments about colleagues.

Enjolrass · 04/12/2015 15:29

But that doesn't prove she ensured you would see it.

Loads goes off on FB that I don't see. If she wanted ensure she saw it she would have tagged you in.

She may be the bitch you are saying and hoped you would see, but you can't prove she did it, as a dig at you and for you to see.

If it's upsetting you this much, just block her. Or everything she posts you will be wondering if it's a dig or a way to get at you.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 04/12/2015 15:30

Delete her from FB. If she asks just say you've deactivated your account and make sure it's completely locked down.

She might be posting stuff to have a dig but if you don't see it there's no problem. I ditched FB recently and i don't miss it a bit!

RhiWrites · 04/12/2015 15:31

I'm a manager and I'd be very careful about what I said about work on social media. Tagging everyone in the team as a great bunch doesn't sound too bad except that some of you were missed out. If she was going to do that it would have been politic to add the missing ones and a 'including those who aren't able to attend'.

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