so lost(2 Posts)
Hello, Am hoping for some advice as feeling very down for a long time and am not sure what I can do.
Basically the problem is I feel very alone. I had a small friendship group from school I used to be close but we have all drifted apart and although I still see them very very occasionally its on a very superficial level.
I have another very good friend - I'll call her friend A - who is part of a different group and whilst I really like her she is heavily invested in her other friends and so again whilst we meet up occasionally I don't feel like we're able to hang out regularly as she's always busy and has a busy social life with her own friends from uni.
Amongst this I have one friend now that I've known for almost ten years. This friend always calls and texts and wants to know what's going on. But when I do speak to her she puts me down, corrects my pronunciation and makes underhand bitchy comments. When I raised one comment a few years ago she said sorry if I felt hurt but not sorry because she didn't think she did anything wrong. She is also very flaky and I used to be very accommodating and obliging until I realised it was mainly a one way street. She has a lot of insecurities - very well off, went to a very good uni but struggled there, ended up in a highflying profession because her dad pressured her into it and got her references and contacts as he works in it too, hates it but loves the prestige that comes with it. I often feel that her comments about my life stem from this because I just went off and pursued the career I wanted without anyone's blessing and I think it's something she would have liked to go into to. Saying this, she is not awful and can be very funny and helpful at times. But As a result of everything in the last 18 months I've gradually had less to do with her and avoided situations with her.
Recently I saw her for the first time in months and she went out of her way to put me down about how I looked ( didn't agree with something I changed). Just feel like I should cut her off completely. Except she knows friend A who does know about the difficulties. I feel it's all going to get very complicated. I'm just wondering whether I should be done with it all. I find it hard making good friends so this makes me feel sad but I've felt like this for years now and think I will be better off without the hassle. I really can't be bothered to confront her about it as I just don't even want to salvage the friendship.
I think friends are supposed to be supportive and make you feel better about you're self, arn't they ? Your enemies will do to you, what your so called friend is doing.
You have answered your own question really.... Get rid.
So how to make friends... You need proximity, hobbies and interests in common and willingness.
So, identify what you like doing, and then join everything relevant. Spice is an organisation for young active Singles. They organise interesting holidays. Walking Women is a walking group holiday company.
Try a course in Mindful, that will help you, not to give so much of a shite about what your so called friend thinks and will help you concentrate on what YOU want out of life.
If you have time volunteer. The NT wants volunteers. Buy the BIG Issue they advertise for volunteers in the back of the mag.
Being with others as a volunteer allows you to get to know others, slowly. You are obviously a very nice person, others need to have the opportunity to see it. Get out and show them !
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