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AIBU to think I can do this?

(54 Posts)
IASM Thu 03-Dec-15 14:29:56

I've just been made an offer to study midwifery at my local university. I've been working soooo hard for this and I should be over the moon. The problem is that my mother and I have just had a very uncharacteristic row about it and it's really upset me and made me doubt my choice.

The situation is that I'm a mature student and am a single mother to three young children. Their father is very involved, we co-parent well, and I have really supportive friends. I'm under no illusions that it will be tough and complicated but I'm prepared for that and also prepared that it might be even harder than I've prepared for...! I was worried that I didn't have my mother's full support so I questioned it and she told me that she was worried about the children and that they would suffer. I know that she has - and does - feel guilt about working while we were small and even now that her job (that she does not enjoy) means that she does not have enough time for us (her perception; mine is more that I worry for her doing a job that she dislikes as I believe it affects her mental health).

Until now I have been a teacher and don't want to go back to that - and would rather my children see me enjoying working hard at something I love rather than resenting having to work harder at something I don't want to do. I can't stay at home with them forever and don't want to teach - and really really want to be a midwife!

Sooooo, AIBU to think I can do this, or does she have a point? She won't answer my calls and I'm gutted, we never do this.

spritefairy Thu 03-Dec-15 14:32:10

Do it!!
Yes you will see your children less but you are doing something you will love and can do for many years.

wowis Thu 03-Dec-15 14:34:26

you can totally do this!! Your mum is entitled to her opinions but you don't have to agree. Id validate how she feels agree to disagree then do what you have worked for. It's not like your going to be on an oil rig for 6 months its midwifery!

Good luck in your new career. smile

WishItWasSunday Thu 03-Dec-15 14:34:33

YANBU. I went back to uni later in life, and my father had similar arguments (my mum had died). He was not at all supportive, didn't think I should quit my job, didn't believe I could do the course. It was very painful but I knew I could do it, so I basically had to ignore him. We get on very well in general.
Anyway, I graduate next year, my dad's so very proud now, and I am the happiest I've ever been career-wise!

mumblebumble Thu 03-Dec-15 14:37:40

Are you very clear about the shift work involved and do you have a solid plan for childcare that fits in with this? If so, go for it! Good luck

GreatFuckability Thu 03-Dec-15 14:44:27

I'm also a single parent to 3, and a mature student in a health care profession. Is it easy? No. Is it doable? Yes.

IASM Thu 03-Dec-15 14:45:52

Thank you all. Yes, I am super clear about what it involves and have put a lot of thought into how I will cope...it will work out. I'll take a breath then and enjoy the feeling of having a place. Scary/exciting!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 03-Dec-15 14:46:41

A friend did this when she was late 30's with 2 kids.
Best decision she ever made.
She absolutely loves it!
Don't be put off by others.
This is your life and you get one shot.
Do what will make you happy.
It's an amazing thing you are planning to do.

Whatthequack Thu 03-Dec-15 14:51:21

Do it!

I was a single parent while studying at University aswell as working 27 hours a week. It was hard, but I managed get a 2:1, as well a contribution award.

IASM Thu 03-Dec-15 14:52:14

Lovely inspiring comments, thank you so much.

littlemermaid80 Thu 03-Dec-15 15:04:06

Go for it OP, it sounds like a great opportunity smile
Your mum seems to be projecting her own guilt /dissatisfaction with her job on to you, and that isn't fair. You can't live your life to please others.

You KNOW you can do this, so do it, all the best!

MrsCrimshaw Thu 03-Dec-15 15:14:55

Just be careful - a family member of mine decided to retrain as a doctor while her boys were young (under 5) and unfortunately they have suffered a lot of problems (behavioural) and really been quite neglected during the course of her studies.

Not saying you shouldn't go for a career that you love, just plan carefully. Good luck smile

blobbityblob Thu 03-Dec-15 15:22:37

I think if you can possibly make it work logistically and financially, do it.

I took the decision not to go for it. But you know they grow up quite quickly, don't need you around so much and then you're too old to be doing it (well I think I am anyway). So you either end up working in admin or cleaning or something and wonder how life passed you by. When you think you've got to work until you're 67 or something now, that's a long time off.

Inshock73 Thu 03-Dec-15 15:27:32

You can do it! My sister began a nursing degree at the age of 40, with a very unsupportive and financially unstable husband in tow and 3 children! She LOVED her time at uni and is now enjoying a nursing career. It won't be easy, nursing/midwifery is different to other degree courses due to the number of hours you have to spend in placement, you won't have the free time you associate with being at uni but I'm sure you're already aware of this.

Good luck!

strawberryandaflake Thu 03-Dec-15 15:33:26

You will have better hours than being a teacher, and you won't be abused nearly so much. I am sure your children would prefer that.

Go for it and prove her wrong! Xxx

SupSlick Thu 03-Dec-15 15:49:20

Prove her wrong OP.

Well done for your uni offer, they wouldn't have accepted you onto the course if they didn't think you were capable of doing it.

CurlyBlueberry Thu 03-Dec-15 16:11:29

Well done on the offer. Are you in the "Secret Community for Midwives in the Making" group on Facebook? It's a nice supportive place. I've recently put in my application and am just waiting to do interviews. I am in a different situation - two children, supportive husband and supportive family, but everyone's circumstances are different and there's a range of people in the group.

tuilamum Thu 03-Dec-15 16:16:08

Look at it this way, you are a role model to your children, and have the opportunity to show them that they can follow their dreams and do what they love and still have a family to boot. If you are dedicated and happy in both your career and your family life then your kids will grow up saying "I want to be just like mummy!" And you'll be proud of them for doing so smile

timelytess Thu 03-Dec-15 16:32:48

Sort your childcare, with emergency back-up, and go for it. Well done!

catfordbetty Thu 03-Dec-15 16:37:10

Until now I have been a teacher and don't want to go back to that

No further explanation required. Go for it - and good luck!

EvaTheOptimist Thu 03-Dec-15 16:38:05

What a wonderful job to do - congratulations IASM

I don't really understand the mentality of "my children will suffer if I work". Frankly my children would suffer if I DON'T work because we'd have no money. I go to work and earn a wage TO BENEFIT MY CHILDREN.

Comes down to a choice of "I don't want to go to breakfast club" <slight moan> versus "We can't pay the rent" <I think the kids might find that more disruptive?> (Or even: you want some new clothes kids?)

Yes, between you, your ex, breakfast club, after-school club, arrangements with sympathetic friends, other child-care etc etc you will have to find a way. I'm sure you can find a way that works for everyone.

And what a tremendously wonderful job to do. Good luck.

pasanda Thu 03-Dec-15 16:54:17

I work as a midwife in a big teaching hospital. Student midwives have to really fight for their places on the degree. There are something like 400 applicants for 20 places.

If you have been given this chance and it is something you really want to do, don't let it pass you by because you may not get the opportunity again.

You've done extremely well to get the place - go for it!!

(it's a great job btw - I love it smile)

DanishBlue Thu 03-Dec-15 16:59:21

Congratulations. As long as you absolutely understand the commitment and exhaustion involved in the placement element of the course. When you succeed you can guarantee your mum will be the proudest of all.

DD just started a healthcare course, placement is tough. She can leave the house as early as 05:50 in a morning for bus number 1 to get the 06:30 bus number 2 to her placement an hour and a half away and gets in as late as 19:15. It is not easy and she is 18, child free and I do her washing and stock her freezer when I can. Not Midwifery but Radiography so the placements may be further afield, but she is finding it tough.

I wish you the very best, follow your dreams!

blueobsessive Thu 03-Dec-15 20:12:27

Another message to say well done for getting your place and to go for it!

IASM Thu 03-Dec-15 20:18:10

Thank you - my mother and I have sorted things a bit, and I think I'll just have to show her that it will be ok.

Yes curly, I am in that group - it's wonderfully supportive! Good luck for your application.

pasanda the numbers involved are terrifying. The University to which I applied had 1000 applicants for 40 places. I am excited and humbled to have been offered one and don't intend to turn it down. I'm a bit frustrated that the shine has been taken off actually receiving the offer by the row but 'tis a very small thing - I'm now just trying to wrap my head around it all!

I really appreciate such lovely comments, it's good to know I'm not BU. My children will be fine, protected and loved (and definitely not neglected!), I'll make damn sure of that.

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