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Not to want to cook.Christmas dinner

(33 Posts)
Redglitter Wed 02-Dec-15 22:53:20

I'm going to my sister and brother in laws for Christmas with my parents. My BIL.has suggested he and I do.dinner to give my sister and mum a break. Nice sentiment but I'm actually working Christmas Day. I'll be 0515 then doing a full shift at work. I'll then go to my parents pick them up drive 45 mins to my brothers. I won't be doing presents with my parents until we get home at night.

AIBU to really not want to then go and cook Christmas dinner when everyone else has had a lie in and a nice traditional Christmas morning

HirplesWithHaggis Wed 02-Dec-15 22:57:16

YANBU at all. Nice of BIL to offer, there's no reason he can't do it all himself.

TheSecondViola Wed 02-Dec-15 22:58:31

Offer to bring dessert or whatever. He's not wrong that you should be contributing, but that's not practical.

WorraLiberty Wed 02-Dec-15 22:58:52

YANBU at all

Why can't he cook it?

Redglitter Wed 02-Dec-15 23:00:14

Tradition is we all provide a course. I'm happy to bring dessert or starter and prepare it.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Wed 02-Dec-15 23:01:02

What time will you get there? It seems that it could be quite late to start cooking when you get there.

Offer to bring dessert and explain you're working.

M48294Y Wed 02-Dec-15 23:02:02

Have you ever cooked Christmas dinner or made a contribution to cooking Christmas dinner? It's difficult to say without the full facts. If you've been going to sil and bils for 10 years and put your feet up then his suggestion might be reasonable. So more details needed please!

Redglitter Wed 02-Dec-15 23:02:45

Optimistically I won't get there before 3pm and then we have presents to do.

Redglitter Wed 02-Dec-15 23:04:36

As a rule we go to mums. Tradition is we all supply a course each for dinner. Host tends to do mains. When it's at mums I definitely do my share of prep and serving

nannyl Wed 02-Dec-15 23:06:04


Akire Wed 02-Dec-15 23:08:33

Presume the turkey would have to be in for hours and veg and stuff prepared in advance. Rather later to arrive at 4/5 pm and then put turkey in.
I be tempted to say after work your going for shower change of clothes have rest, then pick up parents and arrive over then.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Wed 02-Dec-15 23:10:54

I suppose you could offer to do a side dish too? Then the hosts have to only really do the roast, potatoes and another side dish if they want.

2rebecca Wed 02-Dec-15 23:15:18

I would point out that you were working and that you're happy to contribute as usual but if you wanted to cook a large family meal you'd do it on a day when you arent working. Alternatively stay at home and do your own thing

Andylion Wed 02-Dec-15 23:41:06 give my sister and mum a break.

Could he and your DF do it instead? It's not reasonable to expect you to cook a Christmas dinner after you've done a full day of work.

Mmmmcake123 Wed 02-Dec-15 23:47:28

Tell him you are working but are willing to bring posh shop desserts

BishopBrennansArse Wed 02-Dec-15 23:49:31

Get the pre prepared stuff from M&S, BIL heats it wink

Wagglebees Thu 03-Dec-15 01:07:31

Wtf? Yanbu at all. Why can't he do it on his own? Or your DF help him? Does he think women have magical cooking powers or something?

Canyouforgiveher Thu 03-Dec-15 01:16:55

why do your mum and sister need a break but you (who is working on xmas day) doesn't?

Your BIl is a twit. If he wants to do dinner to give his wife a break, he should go right ahead without this passive aggressive crap of making you help him. And for absolute sure he would never had made this request of a man.

Frankly I would read his request as him saying "you are a free loader and I am pushing you to help" and I would react accordingly (explosively in my case smile)

I absolutely can't stand people who invite you and then tell you to be grateful/work for your meal. The only time I came even close to falling out with my lovely in laws was when FIL was very ill and we were all visiting. BIL invited me and my other BIL to dinner (I was planning fish and chips for us) but said "but if you come you'll have to help my wife with the dinner" I was so f-ing insulted and only went because I like them so much. I didn't want him to invite me, I always pull my weight, have hosted family loads of times and never issue instructions to adults to help me!

If you bring wine/chocs/desert, as well as working a shift, why should you also have to turn around and cook with him while your mum and sister sit down?

APlaceOnTheCouch Thu 03-Dec-15 01:53:30

YANBU you have a family tradition that works. If he wants to give everyone a break then he can do it with your DF. Cheeky git asking you to cook after working and even if you hadn't been working why should you cook if your DM and DSIS are getting the day off !

hogbreath Thu 03-Dec-15 06:03:17

What's the chance that he intends you doing all the cooking,
with him supervising.
At our Xmas Last year everyone pitched in except my dh because he'd just finished nightshift.

girlywhirly Thu 03-Dec-15 07:53:56

If BIL isn't aware that you will be working, you need to tell him as soon as, in great detail about your early start, and then afterwards going to collect your parents to bring them over. So that he will have plenty of time to sort out the cooking himself. Say what you will bring food wise.

Is he one of the people who don't appreciate that some people work on Christmas day? It sounds as though he has planned it out in his mind assuming you will agree.

MaxPepsi Thu 03-Dec-15 09:50:26


Is he aware you are working?

Are you the Single one without kids by any chance?

It's not even your own Kitchen, I love cooking but would hate to do it in someone else's space.

Cressandra Thu 03-Dec-15 10:03:45

YANBU. Tell your BIL it's a nice idea but you're getting up at 5.15 and working 6 hours or whatever so (a) it's not that practical and (b) you are likely to be shattered by 3pm.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 03-Dec-15 10:13:40

does he know you are working?

IJustLostTheGame Thu 03-Dec-15 10:53:20

Agree and add as a stipulation it will be one of those microwavable full Christmas dinner things.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

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