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to tell me friend the full story about mutual friend?

(15 Posts)
Polgara25 Wed 02-Dec-15 12:20:55

Ok, so I have (had) two close friends. The three of us used to do loads together.

Friend A, went through a bad patch and I helped her out - which is what you do for friends. All fine.

This friend, then proceeded to throw it all back in my face and generally treat me like crap in return. I being an adult and wanting a quiet life (can't be bothered with drama) cut contact. Life is too short.

Now friend B is also close to A. This is fine, none of my business really. I took the deliberate decision not to involve friend B in the situation with friend A for several reasons - I didn't actually want to turn what happened into gossip out of respect for the friendship I did have with friend A, didn't want to put B in a difficult position and B has her own problems to deal with. Therefore B has heard nothing from me about what happened. Nobody that we know in common has heard a peep from me.

However, since it all blew up, B has been increasingly distant with me. She knows that I no longer speak to A and that's it.

I'm just worried about what A has said to B. I don't want to lose another friend over this.

To honest, I feel like I'm being ignored/sidelined by quite a few people who A and me know in common.

WIBU to say something/ask?

I'm really quite sad about it.

KittyVonCatsworth Wed 02-Dec-15 12:23:34

Is this related to a thread on here before involving friend A, friend B and Chanel...? Sounds very familiar....are you Chanel??

Polgara25 Wed 02-Dec-15 12:46:09

No, not a TAAT. I really wish I was a sad troll, this is unfortunately very real.

Happyrouter Wed 02-Dec-15 12:51:42

In all honesty, if friend b just listens to frind a talk crap about you and takes it all as gospel and pushes you out without even having a conversation with you about it the. That friend probably was never a keeper anyway.

I've been in a situation of being pushed out of a friendship group as a result of a lie that got perpetuated through that group. Not his was a long time ago and no longer raw but what I now feel is that I was clearly never a very solid memo of the group and I am best of out.

GreyBird84 Wed 02-Dec-15 12:58:11

I'm in a similar position OP.
My advice would be to continue making an effort with the others & be bright & breezy.

I didn't - I withdrew from people when things started to get ugly.its this big elephant in the room but I refuse to stop to that bitchy level.
It's made me anxious & knocked my confidence. I think my withdrawal has added weight to the fire - people think it must be me that is the problem as i retreated.

Polgara25 Wed 02-Dec-15 13:03:30

That's pretty much what I have been doing GreyBird. I've been to hell and back (the situation has cost me hundreds of pounds, not to mention stress) and could've really done with the support of friends. I also tend to get very angry about unfairness, I hate the idea that people have the wrong end of the stick.

Katiekatiekatiekay Wed 02-Dec-15 13:17:41

Imagine being friend B though...stuck in the middle.
A may not have said anything, perhaps B just thinks its weird and unkind that youve gone off A for a reason she doesnt know about

Polgara25 Wed 02-Dec-15 13:45:00

That's what I've been trying to avoid - putting her in the middle, not bloody fair on her.

Urgh! Why can't people just not be arseholes!

kissmethere Wed 02-Dec-15 13:49:25

You've put it in the past before so you can do it again. Let them get on with their friendship and if B is a friend at all she'll be there as before.
It's difficult in friendship threesomes if 2 have fallen out. Try not to worry about What A is saying to B, if Ive got that right. Easier said than done and the expensive injustice and all, I'd be bright and breezy as pp has said.

Fatherwishmas Wed 02-Dec-15 14:28:43

I wouldn't normally suggest this but you seem to be in a rough situation and have nothing to lose so I would give a quick factual account of what happened, finish with a smile on your face saying "and that's why I am not so close to Friend A now, anyhow are you ? Christmas coming together"?

amarmai Wed 02-Dec-15 14:47:29

i'd tell the truth as you have no friends to lose here and not let A get away with her lies. Did A pay you back the $$? I'd be asking for that back asap.

GwynethPaltrowIamNot Wed 02-Dec-15 14:50:51

As she is already caught up in the middle I'd tell her
You have nothing to lose

Polgara25 Wed 02-Dec-15 15:01:38

Well the last element of the issue (a legal problem - I actually had to put my legal hat on and threaten court action at one point) should be coming to an end in a couple of days. So, I might say just in passing that "x has happened, I'm so relieved. Nice to have it all sorted, how are you? Did X get over the problem she had a school etc..." Leave it there so she can ask if she wants.

MigGril Wed 02-Dec-15 15:11:53

Ok I've been friend B in this situation. It can be really confusing if you don't talk to her. Friend A was still chatty and telling me that other friend was refusing to talk to her.
They had been best friends so it was odd that they had fall out. But I was left confused and felt a bit stuck in the middle really. The odd thing is they both still speck to me but she won't speck to friend A I have no idea why. Is all a bit strange and although I don't really want details a brief reason mite be helpful and have made the whole situation less confusing.

Good luck

GreyBird84 Wed 02-Dec-15 16:27:24

I'm exactly the same polgara25.

I live in a small town which makes things much worse. My final straw was when 'friend' put up a really awful Facebook status about me. Everyone knew it was about me, it was so embarrassing but she's a queen bee & no one wanted to rock the boat. From that point on I blanked her completely, she would only have denied it was about me.

I would tell friend B that you & A are no longer friends for several reasons but you very much hope your friendship with her can continue as before. And make a big effort with her & the other people you feel sidelined by.

I wish I had of been smarter about my situation instead of retreating into myself, it's a very lonely place at times.good luck!

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