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Had a row with DP. Who is BU here?

(144 Posts)
Redskyatnight01 Tue 01-Dec-15 21:57:14

DP cooked me dinner tonight which I am very grateful for. He had the day off work so he ate earlier on today.

He was just finishing cooking when an ex work colleague of mine rang my mobile. I didn't know what it was about and answered it, walked out of the kitchen to take the call & mouthed 5 mins at him.

I started to walk upstairs and he came after me yelling my name & kept yelling, I asked ex colleague to hold on for a second and shouted down to him that I'll be 5 mins, will heat it in microwave if needed. He then screamed up 'no, you've pissed me off, I've just cooked this for you, get down here now'

I was so embarrassed as he was so loud, it's obvious this woman heard everything. I apologised, said my dinner was ready and would have to call her back in 15 mins.

I went downstairs annoyed that he deliberately wouldn't stop screaming at me despite knowing I was on the phone and that he had a go at me knowing someone could hear it. He was annoyed when I went downstairs and started as soon as i got down shouting saying how rude I was to take q phone call when he was serving up my dinner etc. I said yes I know it wasn't great but that I was only going to be 5 mins and if I thought it was going to go on any longer than that I would have told this lady I would have to ring her back in 15 mins but as it was, he didn't give me the chance as he was shouting at me from the minute I picked the call up. I said I don't appreciate being told what to do like a child, he said 'don't act like a fucking child then'

We haven't spoken all night since. I came up to bed as I was fed up of the atmosphere, he followed me up, got into bed and said 'so are you going to apologise for being rude' I said 'yes, i shouldn't have picked the call up, sorry, but I'm not the only person who was rude here, you don't scream and shout at someone whilst they're on the phone'

He said he didn't care, he was pissed off and he wanted me to know about it hmm He's turned his back to me and has now gone to sleep- in a huff.

We NEVER argue, we normally have such a loving, happy relationship. I know I was rude to take a phone call knowing he was dishing up the dinner he'd just cooked for me, but I didn't know what my ex colleague wanted and not just that but surely, as a grown adult, it's up to me whether I take a phone call and then either eat my dinner warm or heat it up in the microwave?! I don't want to be told to 'get down here now and eat this dinner I've cooked for you' like a child?!

Are we both just being unreasonable here or is it just me?

WipsGlitter Tue 01-Dec-15 21:59:40

It really pissed me off when I've cooked and DP faffs around. So you should not have picked up the call. But he should not have spoken to you like that.

thewavesofthesea Tue 01-Dec-15 22:02:23

I have a loving relationship with my DH. Even if I pissed him off a bit, he would NEVER scream at me and call
me a 'fucking child'; because we are adults who respect eachother and know that screaming and swearing is not the way to sort out an argument.

Krampus Tue 01-Dec-15 22:02:39

You both are.

anotherbusymum14 Tue 01-Dec-15 22:02:39

Yeah probably a misunderstanding and over reactions at play. Maybe he wanted to do something nice for you and felt fobbed off. No need to get rude with you though.
Prob best just to tell each other how you felt, make up and move on. Just a thought.

comedycentral Tue 01-Dec-15 22:04:11

If you normally have a loving and happy relationship then I would forget it. He should not have screamed at you but you were rude to answer the phone. I find that some people's lives can be ruled by their phones, I always turn mine on silent at home so I can manage calls and message when I have the time.

Norest Tue 01-Dec-15 22:05:27

Uh he is being unreasonable. I think perhaps it would have been better not to take the call, or to answer it and say you would call back. I might be a tad irritated if I had cooked for my partner and he wandered off upstairs mouthing 'five minutes' at me as he went, if I was literally serving it up.

But my 'a tad' translates to 'a mild annoyance which is easily fixed by a simple sorry or hug from partner'.

You have apologised and that should be all that was needed.

He, on the other hand, has acted like a total dick..firstly by yelling at you when he knew the person on the other end could hear, swearing at you, following you upstairs to berate you some more and not accepting your apology or accepting any responsibility for his part..and then huffing off to sleep. Sorry but if my partner acted like that over such a minor incident I'd think he was a real asshole.

So YANBU. He is, Massively.

Crankycunt Tue 01-Dec-15 22:05:47

Yes you shouldn't have answered the call, however that in no way means that your partner gets to scream and shout like that.

silvermantela Tue 01-Dec-15 22:07:15

He was really, really rude and aggressive. It's not even as you were going to eat together, if he had already eaten, so wtf difference did it make to him whether you ate it straight away or reheated? As long as you said thanks to him after, as I'm sure you would have/did.

Why didn't he have a small lunch and eat at dinner with you if its so fucking essential that you respect his cooking so much? It's one meal ffs, if you acted like that for every 'favour' you did each other you'd never get anything else done.

sooperdooper Tue 01-Dec-15 22:07:57

You're both unreasonable - I hate it if I've cooked a meal for DH and he buggers about when he knows it's ready, it's rude - but he shouldn't have shouted

Oysterbabe Tue 01-Dec-15 22:08:14

DH is forever wandering off to do something as I'm carrying plates to the table and it boils my piss. He shouldn't have shouted at you though.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 01-Dec-15 22:11:03

I don't think your behaviour was bad at all. He sounds like a fucking twat though.

srslylikeomg Tue 01-Dec-15 22:11:15

Keep dome shiny medals in the drawer so that next time he cooks you a meal you can give him one. Honestly? He sounds like a dick. I would never get spoken to like that by my DH. Never. What a baby.

cuntycowfacemonkey Tue 01-Dec-15 22:11:16

DH took a phone call as I was serving up his dinner the other night, I admit it did annoy me a lot but I would never have behaved the way your DH did that was totally out of order.

srslylikeomg Tue 01-Dec-15 22:11:35


RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 01-Dec-15 22:12:47

You NEVER argue but he screamed and shouted at you when you were on the phone so the other person could hear, all over you being a bit rude, and then got in an extended huff which included not apologising himself when you apologised.

That's weird.

How long have you been together?

AnneElliott Tue 01-Dec-15 22:14:31

He is BU. what is it to him if your dinner goes cold? You can always hear it up later.

DH often takes calls and j just leave his plate in the kitchen. If the cats get to it before he does, that's his look out!

Redskyatnight01 Tue 01-Dec-15 22:15:46

I know it seems weird and unbelievable from my OP but yes, we never argue. He is amazing normally- lovely, kind, supportive, warm, loving etc and the main trait I like is that he is normally so laid back!

It was so out of character for him to get that angry and behave like that, it was embarrassing.

Two traits he does have though that I dislike that he displayed tonight....he CAN be arrogant and he CAN be self righteous!

ImperialBlether Tue 01-Dec-15 22:18:59

You forgot that he's also a bit of a martyr. And a bully.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 01-Dec-15 22:21:58

If he'd shouted at me like that he'd have been wearing the fucking dinner, the twat

He wasn't waiting for you to eat together so he's being a complete dick

firesidechat Tue 01-Dec-15 22:22:41

I'm the cook in our house and I'm sort of on your dp's side, but without the screaming. You didn't need to take the call and as for the microwave comment, that would annoy me no end.

If someone cooks for you the least you can do is be there to eat it.

GoldAlmond Tue 01-Dec-15 22:23:16

IMO it's very rude to answer a call when someone's just cooked for you. Even a quick call. Why not put phone away and call back after dinner?
I don't condone the way your DH behaved but I can understand why he was annoyed!

firesidechat Tue 01-Dec-15 22:23:28

I appear to be in the minority here. blush

Damselindestress Tue 01-Dec-15 22:27:39

If he had eaten earlier so wasn't even waiting to eat until you'd finished the phonecall, what is the big deal about you taking 5 minutes? He was BU. He had no right to scream at you or insult you and it sounds like he is trying to carry on the argument even after you apologised, while not admitting any responsibility himself. That's worrying behaviour.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 01-Dec-15 22:28:23

The screaming, the extended sulk and the failure to apologise for the screaming are much much worse than what you did.

Are you going to point that out to him?

You really need to stamp on this type of behaviour. No one should accept that from their partner.

Have you recently started living together?

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