That's an incredibly bald post and obviously I need to clarify it. Please don't leap in and judge until the end.
For some reason, this is something I have been thinking of a lot over the last few days (not completely sure what's prompted it, I suspect a lot of Christmas stuff and my perception of what 'ordinary' families do at this time of year) but the pressing reality is I don't think I do love my child. He has a condition that makes him hard in many ways to love because it demands so much from me yet gives so little in return.
And yet I ask - does it matter? In some ways I think not as my actions are so loving (I rather self righteously decided a while ago I would do the right thing by him no matter what) and I have given up and sacrificed so much, of which I can't even fully outline here.
I also suspect it doesn't matter because it makes being a parent to him easier. I expect nothing and I give everything and I don't feel resentful that it's this way as it just is.
So - not so much AIBU as I am but can't help it - is anyone else in the same position? As I realise this is taboo but it's also very freeing to say so anonymously. I care for my son inmensely but I don't actually love him.
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AIBU?
To not be sure if I love my child or not
99 replies
Kettlesingsatnight · 01/12/2015 21:18
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