Talk

Advanced search

In saying 'if you want something done that badly, do it yourself!'

(30 Posts)
TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 20:57:09

I really do hope I don't come across as a brash character, I'm really not, but my DP attitude is really starting to bother me. Please give your opinion on where I stand etc.

DP works under 30 hours a week, so part time. I have been off of work for about 3 months now, and I'm starting (full time), a new job on Monday.

Since taking up my role as house keeper (hmm), it was said that I am to be the one to organise the home completely, and that DP pays his way by working to provide for us and bringing money in, where as I am the homemaker and bring very little in financially (apart from sick benefit).

I can understand this completely, but I sometimes think that if you want something done a certain way etc, you should do it yourself! He was sitting there looking for sandwich fillings this afternoon and demanded why I hadn't been shopping for 'healthier food' because he'd already told me he needs to go on a diet and keeps saying it.

For example, DP will just be sitting there watching telly and I'll be washing up. Once finished, he'll say something along the lines of "aren't you going to dry those?" Or I'll be sitting on my laptop and he'll ask "I asked you yesterday to put a dark wash on for my work clothes, can you do it now please" (this is all while doing nothing at all apart from playing video games/being on iPad/phone).

AIBU? To give DP his due, he insists that when I'm working full time, he'll be the one taking over everything. I believe him, because this is how it worked before when I was working more hours than him.

I guess I'm probably BU, reading it now confused

pinotblush Mon 30-Nov-15 20:59:49

I wouldnt want to be with your DP.

Junosmum Mon 30-Nov-15 21:01:05

YANBU.

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 21:00:40

pin it's not like I did nothing for myself when DP was working less hours and did most of the housework etc. If I wanted, say a shirt for work, I'd put a wash on myself and not whine about it not being done 'because it's not my job'

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 30-Nov-15 21:03:24

Hes taking the piss and you know it.

Ask him if his as have falen off.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 30-Nov-15 21:04:22

*Arms

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 21:05:42

Sally he'd whine (childishly) and say something along the lines of "but it's your job! I'm working and you're not so what else have you got to do?"

pinotblush Mon 30-Nov-15 21:06:42

He's a typical king of the castle type.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 30-Nov-15 21:08:30

tell him to go fuck himself

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 21:10:11

Some of these replies are making me grin

bigbluebus Mon 30-Nov-15 21:11:33

He is definitely BU. I don't 'work' and my DH works full time. Whilst I do the majority of the housework and running the house, I would not tolerate DH instructing me to do something that I hadn't got around to doing yet. Equally, he wouldn't dare to tell me to do things. He is still ironing his own shirts about 15 years after he said he didn't like the way I ironed the collars. He won't criticise my housekeeping skills again grin

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 21:16:16

bigblue in a way I feel guilty. Perhaps my housekeeping skills aren't what is considered all that great, and that he does all the hard work and I'm just acting like a lady of leisure!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 30-Nov-15 21:44:05

I'd be keeping a list of these requests ready for when I am back full-time. Boomerang!

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 22:01:58

Good idea Run

Dietcherrycola Mon 30-Nov-15 22:51:13

Surely it works best if everyone does what they can? I'm p/t, my husband is f/t but when someone is home, they do whatever the notice needs doing.
If my husband asked me to put a wash on while he fiddled about with an iPad I would laugh in his face.

Arfarfanarf Mon 30-Nov-15 23:24:53

If im getting you right, its not the arrangement/ split of chores that you object to so much as his attitude?

If thats the case id be sitting down with him and saying you do not get to treat me like the hired help, do you understand me? You dont give me instructions and you dont tell me how to do things. I am not your employee. We are equals in this relationship.

TudorTrace Mon 30-Nov-15 23:40:32

Arf I think his response to that one would be something along the lines of "well yes we are equals but if I were you, I'd be doing what needs doing" hmm

Hygge Mon 30-Nov-15 23:51:53

Okay you don't work at the moment and he does, but his attitude is crap and not working isn't a reason to treat someone like a servant.

The next time he bitches about you buying unhealthy food, tell him he wouldn't be so fat if he got off his arse at home a bit more.

I can understand you doing the majority of day to day things as you are there and able to do them, but not every single little thing. As you say, when you were working more hours than him, you still did things for yourself. There needs to be give and take and support in a relationship, not a portioning up of who earns what compared to who does what.

You both live in the house. Yes he may be at work for 30 hours, but if you are at home shopping and cooking and cleaning for 30 hours, why don't you get a break? Why does he think you should work longer just because you are doing it at home, while he gets to sit and do nothing because he's fit and well enough to earn some money?

If you are getting sick benefit your time at home is surely just as much about rest and recuperation as it is about doing what needs to be done in the house. Remember this when he is ill.

TudorTrace Tue 01-Dec-15 00:04:14

Hygee you've hit the nail on the head there. I've had a burst stomach ulcer and I've been expected to 'stop looking so sad, cheer up' days after coming home from hospital etc.

If he has a blocked nose.. The whole town will know by his whinging and it's as if he has been hit by the plague.

VimFuego101 Tue 01-Dec-15 00:05:59

Utter pisstaker!

TudorTrace Tue 01-Dec-15 00:10:06

My DP often has the tendencies of Henry IIX.. A grown man often ruined by his over indulged infancy blush

Not a great sign, I know.

whatever22 Tue 01-Dec-15 00:12:10

We have developed a rule on our house that we can ask each other to do stuff, but not specify how it's done. So if you want it done a specific way, you do it yourself.

TheFairyCaravan Tue 01-Dec-15 00:16:03

I'm bloody gobsmacked at this!

Why are you with him? He is a lazy, self centred pig.

I don't work due to a disabilty. DH is in the RAF and commutes 50 miles each way, daily. He's up at 5:30 and home af 6:15pm. The first words out of his mouth are "what needs doing?" If the wash basket is full, he sorts the clothes and puts the machine on. Even my kids do that when they're at home.

Honest to god OP, tell him if he wants to live in the 1950s then invest in a time warp but we're in 2015 and it ain't like that anymore or chuck the lazy git out!

KiwiJude Tue 01-Dec-15 04:55:51

My stock standard answer: he's an arse grin

Pollyputhtekettleon Tue 01-Dec-15 08:05:14

Not the sort of man I'd accept in my life. He is treating you like shit. Don't put up with it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now