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About FIL bathing DS

(45 Posts)
SomewhereOverTheReindeer Mon 30-Nov-15 18:41:21

I think I'm probably BU... Basically Monday is DH's day off, and he's at home with DS while I'm at work. He's not been well this week, so asked his Dad to come over thus afternoon for a couple of hours to help with DS who's 16 months and into everything.

He then felt worse, and decided to book a doctors appt for this evening, FIL agreed to stay and look after DS so he didn't have to take him. I phoned DH when I got to the train station to head home to see how his appointment had gone, and he mentioned that he'd left DS 'about to be bathed by grandpa'.

For some reason this makes me very uncomfortable, and I've no idea why. (Hence probably BU). I like FIL very much, DS knows him well and he goes out for walks with him, babysits very occasionally etc - but it would just never have occurred to me that anyone other than DH or I should give him a bath? Eg I'd never ask my own DM to, who also sees DS a lot. I'd just assume he'd have to wait til I got home, or bath would be foregone that night.

I think part of it is that FIL is getting on a bit, with a history of heart trouble, and I worry as much about him dropping a slippy wriggly toddler, or (God forbid) passing out while DS is in the bath as much as anything else.

Writing it down I sound barmy. IABU, aren't I?

ginmakesitallok Mon 30-Nov-15 18:42:42

Yes you are, but at least you know that.

TrinityForce Mon 30-Nov-15 18:42:46

Yes a little bit BU.

Don't worry, are you home, and are DS and Grandpa both safe and well?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 30-Nov-15 18:43:11

YABU, but it sounds like you know that anyway.

SomewhereOverTheReindeer Mon 30-Nov-15 18:44:49

No I'm still on the train and no reply to my enquiries about their safety/ wellness as yet. Which is probably not helping my unreasonableness levels...

MrsBojingles Mon 30-Nov-15 18:45:13

If there are any genuine concerns for his physical capacity to bath DS that's beyond a few niggles then YANBU. I wouldn't leave my 79 year old grandmother to do such a job. However my 60 year old father or fil, no problem, but they are in great health

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 30-Nov-15 18:45:43

Yes you are being a bit silly but I understand you being worried about his health.

BlueBananas Mon 30-Nov-15 18:46:07

Yes YABU, and a bit odd

Gruntfuttock Mon 30-Nov-15 18:46:09

As long as he's got the sense not to leave your DS alone in the bath while he goes to get something, it'll be fine. I think the chance of him having a heart attack/passing out are miniscule.

Sirzy Mon 30-Nov-15 18:47:16

Yes yabu as you know.

Realistically anyone could collapse or fall or whatever. It's a risk any of us take when home alone with a little one.

IoraRua Mon 30-Nov-15 18:51:01

Oh, yabu. But you know that already.
Your FIL has raised at least one child (presumably), I imagine he's picked up the idea along the way - he'll be fine.

originalusernamefail Mon 30-Nov-15 18:51:15

YABU, in the kindest possible way. My DS is cared for by me, DH, my DM, DDad and DSis, and I would be happy with anyone of them bathing him/ changing his nappy/ generally providing anything they would need. If I wasn't happy with any aspect of this I would not be leaving them alone tbh. If your worried he may pass out , what of it happens when he's babysitting your DS?

SomewhereOverTheReindeer Mon 30-Nov-15 18:51:49

OK - they are both safe and well, and I am quite possibly a bit odd, yes. blush

I think it was just one of those things it had never occurred to me that other people might do. Which makes very little sense...

Farahilda Mon 30-Nov-15 18:52:17

Does he actually have a history of blackouts?

And did your DH have a lot in injuries as a child, attributable to parental incompetence? There's absolutely no reason to think he's forgotten his parenting skills just because he won't have bathed your DH for a good few years.

It sounds to me as if your DH and DFIL have made sensible arrangements. And unless he does have regular blackouts, it sounds as if you are catastrophising.

Farahilda Mon 30-Nov-15 18:53:13

Sorry, SomeWhereOverTheReindeer, crossed with your last.

srslylikeomg Mon 30-Nov-15 18:54:16

Yabu. Unclench! Your DS will probably love it, no harm done and caregiving fosters bondoing so I think it's really nice your FIL would think to do this. It's a nice thing. Are you worried for any other reason?

srslylikeomg Mon 30-Nov-15 18:55:19


BackforGood Mon 30-Nov-15 18:56:31

Yes, YABU, but you have acknowledged that smile

This is obviously, only working on the information you've given, and the fact that your dh is obviously happy with him looking after ds.
If you are going to come back and drip feed that by 'getting on a bit' you mean he's 97 and there are multiple medical reasons why not, then everyone's answer will probably be different, but, assuming he's 60ish and reasonably healthy, then yes, YABU.

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 30-Nov-15 18:56:59


ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 30-Nov-15 18:57:20

I'm amazed that your DS has got to 16 months without another member of the family bathing him. My DSes had loads of family bathing them as babies.


viioletsarentblue Mon 30-Nov-15 18:59:57

Would you have started this thread if your MIL was bathing your child?
I thought not.

Jw35 Mon 30-Nov-15 19:03:56

Yabu but I suppose because he's your oh's dad rather than your own it might feel strange as he's not someone you know as well but presumably you have a good enough relationship for him to babysit so you need to relax a bit. I do think being away from babies and toddlers makes mums a bit anxious though. I'm a sahm to an 11 month old and I do at least understand that. We're all a bit precious over certain things. Hopefully your son had a lovely time x

Jw35 Mon 30-Nov-15 19:05:26

*Would you have started this thread if your MIL was bathing your child?
I thought not.

How do you know? Maybe she would! You're being a bit harsh.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 30-Nov-15 19:06:32

YABU unless there are genuine concerns about his physical ability to bath him. Why shouldn't a grandparent bath their grandchild? My DM often baths DD, never occurred to me that it could be thought of as strange.

SauvignonBlanche Mon 30-Nov-15 19:07:20

If you trust him to babysit then YABU, he's probably having a great time.

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