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To absolutely abhor the term 'good girl' used as a compliment towards adult women?

(56 Posts)
InTheBox Mon 30-Nov-15 15:48:04

I might be over-thinking this but my manager is notorious for this.

This morning it transpired that I've achieved and in fact gone over my targets for this month and I'm set to do the same again next month according to some reports released today. I'm obviously happy with this, as are my team but my parade was rained on when manager casually strolled by my desk and said "Well done Box, good girl, you're on the way to the top you are."

It's great he recognised my work but I am not a girl and I do feel as though he's saying in some concealed way that although I'm doing well, I'm still just a girl and not quite ready to play in the big leagues with all the important men (All of management are men) if that makes a difference.

A part of me should be happy that he's recognised my work and that hopefully come the review I can use this as leverage for a promotion, pay rise or whatever but I still feel as though it's quite condescending. I'm pretty sure this has been raised before but I'm just still reeling from this morning.

Amazemedontbeacunt Mon 30-Nov-15 15:50:25

Next time he approves your holidays or whatever you can respond 'excellent, good boy'. YANBU!

OikyBollocks Mon 30-Nov-15 15:51:01

IntheBox No no no no no no a million times over and then another million times again. I can not stand this. I had to physically turn over the TV if someone does this on TV.

Junosmum Mon 30-Nov-15 15:50:45

YANBU. It's so patronising. No one would say 'good boy' to a grown man.

BackforGood Mon 30-Nov-15 15:52:14

Well, You are perfectly entitled to abhor it if you like, but personally I don't see girl as an offensive term (and I suspect I'm a lot older than you)

Arfarfanarf Mon 30-Nov-15 15:52:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicinsomniac Mon 30-Nov-15 15:54:03


I don't find 'girl' offensive or annoying as I find 'boy' is used for adult men just as often.

But 'good girl' is awful. I've never heard 'good boy' for an adult.

DoreenLethal Mon 30-Nov-15 15:55:32

I suspect I am alot older than you and have abhored it for around 35 years. It is what people say to a dog, not a grown female adult.

BrendaandEddie Mon 30-Nov-15 15:55:59

see Rob titchener on the archers for this

purpledasies Mon 30-Nov-15 15:56:19

My ex-manager used to do that angry I'm not overly fussed by being referred to collectively with friends as "the girls", but "good girl" is just someting you say to a compliant child. Not a colleague at work who's a grown woman.

It made me fume. And want to call him "good boy" in return, but I never quite had the nerve. Thankfully he's left now.

TimeToMuskUp Mon 30-Nov-15 15:56:32

Only time I ever use the term "good girl" is when the idiot dog manages to not pee on the kitchen rug. Everyone else deserves a little more respect.

LonelySatsuma Mon 30-Nov-15 15:57:18

YANBU. Inappropriate, patronising and creepy!

I'd be absolutely fuming if my boss called me a 'good girl'.

aginghippy Mon 30-Nov-15 15:59:27

YANBU I would hate that. Good girl is what I say to my dog when she obeys commands.

Varya Mon 30-Nov-15 16:01:45

Some older men seem to do this.

InTheBox Mon 30-Nov-15 16:03:23

I also have a dog and do the whole treat thing with training but I thought that might seem as though I'm definitely over-thinking it but that is the only time I say 'good girl' when she does as trained. Gah! I didn't even have a handy response so just sat there and smiled and said thanks.

wowis Mon 30-Nov-15 16:08:33

doesnt bother me this really. I think it very much depends on who says it. If someones a twat theyre a twat so it will always sound patronising I think if someone isn't it's ok. It makes me feel younger I think too. (im 37)
I think the boy equivilant is good lad maybe?
can see why others might not love it but it just doesnt ruffle my faethers at all.

purpledasies Mon 30-Nov-15 16:10:18

I don't think I'd even say it to my 12 year old - I would have done when she was a toddler, say if she managed not to wet her pants for a whole day, or ate up all her vegetables. But at 12, I'd think it was a bit patronising and babyish.

Completely inappropriate in the workplace for an adult.

YBR Mon 30-Nov-15 16:14:04

Incidentally, "boy" would be most offensive to some men as it has (historical) overtones of slavery. I son't like it and would try to gently point out how it is inappropriate when an opportune moment presents itself.

toffeeboffin Mon 30-Nov-15 16:15:34

It so patronzing and from what you have described your boss is surprised that you have done so well, because, you know, well, you're a girl.

Imagine if you were a guy, he would:

A. Not say 'good boy'
B. And probably not say 'you're on the way to the top you are'. Because it would just be assumed that a competent guy would be reaching the top.

toffeeboffin Mon 30-Nov-15 16:18:14

If this was accompanied by a pat on the shoulder then I would be ready to look for another job.

I hate being patted and called 'good girl'.

BaronessSamedi Mon 30-Nov-15 16:19:26

"you're the best little girl", said DM to me a few months back.
i'm 42.

DM is desperately patronising, though. i think it's because she was an Irish nurse in the 1960s.

slightly off topic...........
she always calls people with special needs: "little".
so for example, it could be a grown man with special needs called John Smith. but she will call him "little" eg: "the 'little' Smith."
"How is the 'Little' Smith?"

she was singing the praises of a woman who has a DD with Down's Syndrome.
'isn't the "little" Joanne great? she has her "little" job three days a week and she gets her "little" money on a friday'.

InTheBox Mon 30-Nov-15 16:31:48

BaronessSamedi Have you ever said anything to her about that?

Shakey15000 Mon 30-Nov-15 16:32:45

If it came from a (non work) member of the much older generation, I'd let it go. But in any other scenario especially work, it has no place.

BaronessSamedi Mon 30-Nov-15 16:42:35

Dsis and i did pull her up on it fairly recently Box.

she was asking Dsis about one of her former students:
"how's the "little" Morrison doing? i saw him walking down the street yesterday".
Dsis was irked and replied that he's hardly "little" seeing as he's 19 and almost 6 foot.

oh - and if one answers and says that the person in question is fine/ill/ good/bad/indifferent etc she'll say, without fail......
"Ah sure, god help us."

oh - and people with Down Syndrome are called "Mongolian". Ffs.

BaronessSamedi Mon 30-Nov-15 16:47:23

oh - and unmarried, childless men and women are people who don't really have any problems of consequence of their own. and they don't really count in society as such.
<hunkers down in trench prior to shots fired.>

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