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To refuse to stay up all night helping DH for another year?

(163 Posts)
MerryMrs2 Mon 30-Nov-15 14:40:51

A little background – DH of many years (no DCs) is self-employed. His work is very seasonal, which in practice means he swans about all spring/summer doing his hobbies (watchmaking, tinkering, etc) and then in November/December it’s absolute bloody madness. After two months of running himself and his staff completely ragged he has to make all kinds of last-minute deliveries and is without fail away all night, from dusk quite literally to dawn.

In theory I don’t object to this, DH can’t control when he is needed and many families rely on him. But this can be very stressful for me as I’m left to tie up all his loose ends alone.

For example the staff party always falls to me, which as they inevitably break into the peppermint schnapps and start rocking around can be very stressful. He also leaves me in charge of all the animals, most of which are very large and tend to be disappointed at having been left out of the delivery party, plus all of the clean-up from months of messy work in DH’s workshop. And I have to be essentially on call ALL NIGHT to check his list twice and give directions as despite YEARS of doing very similar routes DH is a hopeless navigator.

I do all of this for no pay (just as a favour to DH?). Also our business involves a lot of administration (list making) and research on the global toy market, very important work that I often take on throughout the year in addition to managing the gingerbread houses, baking cookies, keeping animals washed and fed etc so I do feel I’ve pitched in enough already. I’m now getting on a bit and the thought of staying up all night by the phone with a hundred drunks in the next room is just too much to bear.
I want to tell DH to sort out some other plan, but he says he can’t trust anyone else. Can I just refuse to help? AIBU because I don’t think I am??

definitelybutter1 Mon 30-Nov-15 14:43:49

I think you need to refer this to elf and safety

Cocacolaandchocolate Mon 30-Nov-15 14:44:00

Wow! Poor you op.

Think you need to drink more schnapps wink

iklboo Mon 30-Nov-15 14:44:28

What? You mean he doesn't bring home the glass of Jack Daniel's & fruit pie we leave out for you every year alongside his? That's outrageous.

Book yourself a spa weekend this year and leave him to it. Also speak to ACAS about your staff's behaviour and if it's a disciplinary offence (I'm sure it's theft).

Jackie0 Mon 30-Nov-15 14:45:26

Baa humbug

KnockMeDown Mon 30-Nov-15 14:45:35

YABU! grin

Did you not know what job he had when you married him?

Why are some of the animals left out - doesn't he take all of them?

I think you just have to suck it up, and think of the children!

trashcanjunkie Mon 30-Nov-15 14:46:14


SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 30-Nov-15 14:46:46

Will someone please think of the reindeer?

You should LTB OP.

And go NC with the elves.

GiraffesAndButterflies Mon 30-Nov-15 14:47:07

It's worse than you think OP. My mum is the OW.

Tiggeryoubastard Mon 30-Nov-15 14:49:35

I'd just go along for the ride, rather than staying at home cleaning up reindeer shit.

LineyReborn Mon 30-Nov-15 14:50:07

I'd let Bono take it on and put your feet up.

ALemonyPea Mon 30-Nov-15 14:54:03

Can you not book yourself into a spa for the night? There must be someone who can help while youre away? Head elf maybe?

cdtaylornats Mon 30-Nov-15 14:59:24

Perhaps you should run off with the Easter Bunny

MerryMarigold Mon 30-Nov-15 15:02:47

Merry, I think you've got yourself a bit overwhelmed here, and it's all got a bit too much. Take a deep breath. There are solutions here:

1) Cancel staff party and make it a NY one which your DH can supervise (and perhaps use all the booze he picks up on his way).

2) Buy him a Tom Tom. Do you live in fairyland or something?

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 30-Nov-15 15:02:42

Won't somebody please think of the children?!

Have a heart op, think of all the little kiddies relying on you to make sure they get the perfect ipad wooden horse or whatnot wink santa

GreenPotato Mon 30-Nov-15 15:03:09

You need to swap roles. You do all the glamorous delivering this year (I'm sure you'd be more efficient, and there's a lot of pie and booze in it for you) and see how he likes wrangling animals, gingerbread and pissed staff all night and being expected to have the place all tidy with fresh cookies on the table for when you get in.

He'll soon learn!

MerryMarigold Mon 30-Nov-15 15:04:29

cdtaylornats, now that would be repeating a pattern of destructive behaviour. Red flag!

Mydearchild Mon 30-Nov-15 15:04:47


Ashvis Mon 30-Nov-15 15:04:23

What, only toys? I really hoped he'd be researching front teeth this year too...

AndNowItsSeven Mon 30-Nov-15 15:05:39

No pay? Surely all the finances are shared anyway.

BugritAndTidyup Mon 30-Nov-15 15:06:15

Is this a reverse?

LineyReborn Mon 30-Nov-15 15:08:02

What are you getting from this relationship, OP?

catfordbetty Mon 30-Nov-15 15:08:31

V. funny. Thank you!

Sallyingforth Mon 30-Nov-15 15:09:22

Do you have to wash his working suit after the deliveries? He must come home filthy!

Crazybaglady Mon 30-Nov-15 15:09:40


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