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Was IBU to ask to bring child to work Christmas do?

(151 Posts)
witsender Mon 30-Nov-15 10:19:42

I work part time. Our Christmas lunch (we pay our own) falls on a day I don't work. As such, I would need childcare for my youngest who is 3.5. My parents are away, there is no extra space at preschool for a one off and my OH is a teacher so can't get the day off. As such, I asked to bring him with me as the lunch is at a family pub, and we pay our own anyway.

My manager looked quite taken aback and said he didn't think it would be appropriate but would speak to the others (there are about 10 of us plus partners, though obviously mine can't come) but that he expected me to be there.

I feel awful now! I hate asking for anything like that, but couldn't see another solution. My DS is very quiet and shy so very much not the type to run around, he would just sit next to me and eat. They know this as have met him many times. I guess I am wondering whether that was an outlandish request? I don't feel like it was, but now am doubting myself. And I don't know what I'll do if they say no!

Floggingmolly Mon 30-Nov-15 10:21:02

Yes, sorry.

AliceInUnderpants Mon 30-Nov-15 10:21:27

Hmm I wouldn't be impressed if someone brought their child to an event that was supposed to be adults only.
Though I don't know how you can be "expected" to be there, in your own time.

Bearbehind Mon 30-Nov-15 10:21:30

Er- yes.

You wouldn't take your child to actual work so why would it be appropriate to take him to a work party.

Just give the party a miss if you can't arrange childcare.

IslaMann Mon 30-Nov-15 10:21:42

If they say no then you can't go. Simple as. This "expected to be there" crap is just that - crap. It's your day off so it's your choice whether you wish to go. It's not like it's an important business meeting. It's a lunch, and not even paid for by the firm.

Ingles2 Mon 30-Nov-15 10:21:58

I don't think you can take your toddler to a work party really, but YWNBU to ask.. and they definitely can't demand your presence if it's not a day you normally work.

Behooven Mon 30-Nov-15 10:22:04


PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 30-Nov-15 10:23:27

Yeah, ywbu. It alters the entire dynamic when there's a child at a meal, it's not really fair on your co-workers.

Damselindestress Mon 30-Nov-15 10:24:45

Sorry but YABU. Work Christmas parties are adult only events. But your manager is equally BU to require your presence when it's a day you don't normally work. If you can't get childcare you can't make it.

Thatrabbittrickedme Mon 30-Nov-15 10:24:59

Yes it would be U to take your child. However your manager is being extremely U to 'expect' you to be there under the circumstances. Best solution all round is that you don't go - you should not be feeling that there is some ramification to your not attending.

PurpleDaisies Mon 30-Nov-15 10:24:35

I'm really sorry but yes-having a child at an adult only meal really changes the atmosphere. I think your boss is unreasonable expecting you to be at something that falls on your day off-it might be worth checking your contract to see what the situation is regarding whether he is allowed to stipulate that you have to be there.

thunderbird69 Mon 30-Nov-15 10:25:04

It is unreasonable of them to expect you to go if you can't arrange childcare. I've never heard of partners going to a work lunch either

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Nov-15 10:24:44

Oh come on, OP, you can't take a child to an adult meal like that! Can't you see that the others wouldn't like it? Why does your boss think he can tell you to be there when it's on a day you're not paid to work?

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 30-Nov-15 10:25:12

Your boss is being a dick with his 'expected to be there' crap though.

Tiggeryoubastard Mon 30-Nov-15 10:25:18

Yes, bizarre that you think it's appropriate to ask. But as to you being expected to be there - no, it's not obligatory, though personally I would do whatever I could to be there, as part of the team.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld Mon 30-Nov-15 10:25:05

You shouldn't take him. They shouldn't expect you to be there on a non-work day. The solution is you not going and them not complaining about it.

LucyMouse Mon 30-Nov-15 10:25:31

If your manager expects you to be there, YANBU.

ouryve Mon 30-Nov-15 10:26:49

Yes, YWBU.

You haven't got childcare and you're not being paid for your time, so you don't go. Simple as.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 30-Nov-15 10:27:12

You're both being U. You can't take your child to a work Christmas lunch, that's not on for your colleagues who'll be looking forward to letting their hair down. But equally you are not compelled to attend a work event in your own time.

MythicalKings Mon 30-Nov-15 10:27:32

YABU, sorry.

Preciousxbane Mon 30-Nov-15 10:28:36

Completely, one of my colleagues bowled up with her toddler to an evening works dinner once. It was awful.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 30-Nov-15 10:28:37

I'd follow it up with a quick email saying due to personal circumstances you can't attend a work event outside of work hours.

As you want to show willing you suggested bringing your child, not because you want to do so, but because it's the only option you can see that would enable you to attend outside working hours. Obviously if this is unsuitable then you will understand and hope everyone has a lovely time.

Babyroobs Mon 30-Nov-15 10:28:44

I wouldn't . I took my 11 year old dd to a summer afternoon tea party in someone's garden with work colleaugues ( for a colleague's retirement) and even though there was one other younger child there too, it just felt awkward. I wouldnt do it again.

alltouchedout Mon 30-Nov-15 10:29:27

If it's an entirely optional lunchanged, yes, yabu. If your attendance is 'expected', then no, yanbu, but they are. I wouldn't go.

DoreenLethal Mon 30-Nov-15 10:29:30

If he expects you to be there then he should be paying for you to be there, and you can use that to pay for some childcare maybe?

Or just say that unfortunately you can't make it, and go to the pub anyway and buy yourself a meal. So you were there you just were with your kid on your day off.

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